Not really a reception....

Congrats again!!! Don’t worry things would work out!!! Best the luck to you and your FH.

View Quoted Comment I was gonna say the same thing. I love it when brides post on here for opinions and when the majority of ppl are against them, they dig their heels in. It's like, if you were gonna be argumentative, why'd you ask in the first place? The only time I empathize is when people are overly harsh, especially when a bride genuinely doesn't know the etiquette and were asking to educate themselves, which this clearly isn't.

View Quoted Comment This was literally a yes or no question. Never did I say I need help making a decision on this; this was never said. I was just curious on what people had to say. The only time I actually asked for advice was for some ways I could thank my immediate family since they did not want me to pay for them (again, only cared about them since I know for sure they will be at the restaurant). Also the restaurant was the idea of my parents, not mine as I stated in another comment. I didn't ask because I wanted someone throw "etiquette" books at me; and this literally the bulk of what I got. I asked because I was curious. Literally yes or no questions would have been great. Feeling attacked or judged because I made a decision that goes against "by-laws" isn't ok and where I get defensive. It's one thing to say "yes I think it's weird" and other to start an argument with me because I don't think it's weird. At the end of the day if we're all happy then who cares really. Anyone wanting to give "tough love", none of that was wanted nor asked for. This was literally a simple question based on a decision I made already and was curious about. I've been to dinners where they are sometimes paid for and sometimes not and I didnt care either way and it was nice to see I wasn't the only over the sea of virtual flares. What I actually asked for advice on, I actually got some great ideas that were helpful which I will use!

Hey Jessica,

How are you? What a thread! I'm going to have to agree with the majority of the posters and say that for the main reason which is you getting married, it is usually customary and very kind to pay for your guests who have attended your ceremony. Especially since you have a small guest count, that would be more possible? I'm not sure about your financial situation. However, if you don't want to physically take out your card or cash to pay, why not have a bbq right after the ceremony with a bunch of different things to grill (chicken, burgers, hot dogs/sausages, corn, steaks etc) and some drinks like champagne, wine, beer, soda and water. So that all of your guests are at least eating something and not having to open their wallets I would try to explore different options where your guests aren't having to pay Even if it's literally everyone going back to your house and having pizza, garlic bread and wings with beer. That's even better than having your guests pay for themselves after attending themselves.

View Quoted Comment That is still inviting them though, in which case you should pay for their meals. Unless it's been decided before hand to go out as a group for none other than to get together. It sounds like you've got your mind made up though. It's pretty rude to invite people out, no matter how informal or unofficial the invite is and except them to pay for their own meals.

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I hosted a family reunion for 50 or so people last summer, I am doing it again in October and yes I paid for the food and provided bottled waters for everyone. We could not provide alcohol as it was prohibited in a public park. I was happy to do it as I am 54 and was tired of only seeing my cousins and extended family at funerals. It was worth every cent. We are doing a Mexican buffet this time in case anyone is curious.

Yes when I go out for my birthday and invite another couple I would pay for them if I invited them to celebrate with me.

My mom in law was just in town, my hubby invited everyone to brunch, there were six of us, he paid. As he invited everyone.

Again, your mind is made up - so be you and best wishes in your marriage.

I (and I am sure most folks here) do not want to argue with you, you are on wedding thread board asking for advice - the majority of people are telling you it is a bad idea. Listen to them. My life will not be affected by what seems to be a poor idea by you. It does not bother me but to read "my parents are the only ones I care about" speaks volumes. Tell that to your guests!

Peace out.

Yes, it is completely out of the ordinary not to offer refreshments (paid for by you) to the guests who have attended your wedding.

You should absolutely host. The reception is a thank you from you to the people who came to witness your ceremony. Just take them out for pizza or something reasonable. No one shuld have to open their wallets.

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You should.

It's not a formal reception but in general if you invite people to a restaurant you pay. I'd say this similar to a party. You don't invite people out for a party and then have them pay. At least not where I live.

View Quoted Comment But you’re not here for options. You have been presented with plenty of options that are not rude to the attendees at your dinner including: pizza paid by you, lunch paid by you, bbq at home paid by you, cake and punch at home paid by you, but you are ignoring all of those options.

It it is incredibly rude to invite people somewhere (or text people “well be here come if you want” which is the an invitation) and not pay for them.

What you decide to do doesnt effect any of us on wedding wire but does effect you/your relationships with the people you invite. I would be incredibly offended and likely no longer have a relationship with someone who invited me to a wedding or party then expected me to pay for said event.

It's not out of the ordinary in my family. My family offered to do just this for us if we do a courthouse ceremony. I still feel weird about it. This is how my sisters' weddings were. I think it's because our family is used to being broke and will all chip in to "host" a celebration for each other. But that's only among immediate family, no other guests.

I understand your family not wanting you to pay for their stuff. I have the same situation in my family, but you may just have to put your foot down and do it. We are in kind of a similar situation where we didn't send out formal invitations, but I felt like I had to tell my siblings and they all decided to come. I consider that the invitation, and it's just like inviting someone to dinner... you pick up the tab if you extended the invite, and if they insist on paying or whatever, then so be it and that happens when the bill arrives. I go in fully planning on picking up the tab. If I host any type of party, I provide, unless I put something like "byob" or "potluck" on the invitation, but that is disclosed up front and not usually the norm for something like a wedding, which is a significant life change. It's not the same caliber as a birthday party that you have every year.

My parents don't want us paying for anything, but since they are paying so much to fly here for our wedding, I decided to rent a big house for them and my siblings and their families. I paid. My parents said "nuh uh" and transferred money into my bank account, but the point here is that I was fully willing to provide.

I am planning a backyard bbq for the reception and inviting a few others that aren't able to come to the ceremony due to space, but I don't expect them to pay or rsvp. We will just plan on all of them coming, and if we have extra food, then that's leftovers or sent home in tupperware with the guests. We're probably getting everything from Costco and will smoke some meats and grill some burgers. Every single guest we have has to fly in except for a few locals that are invited to the BBQ only, so I was not about to make them pay for food since they are already buying expensive flights just to be here.

Anyways, best of luck with planning, just wanted to give my two cents on this.