Not really a reception....

View Quoted Comment I completely understand. I’m paying for a wedding with only four months and no additional savings! Wedding world is very expensive. I also understand wanting to look nice on your day, no one could blame a bride for wanting to look nice.
Have you booked all of your vendors already? You might be able to have both those things, nothing’s impossible. One of my favorite blogs is Budget Savvy Bride and they let you look at weddings based on budget, even courthouse or private elopements and they all have cost breakdowns. It might help you!

But believe me, we all understand that money stress. Weddings are so expensive.

View Quoted Comment So the people at the actually courthouse ceremony will just be my dad (my mom can't make it due to illness), his dad, my sister (my brother can't make it) and his sister. The dinner I have no idea. My mom suggested doing a restaurant (my fiance is big on that too) since there is not really a head count and we just started planning this for an October wedding. I know my extended family is really good at saying that they won't be somewhere and show up all of a sudden. So there a lot of maybes. I would want to do something with our parents at least. I think that would be manageable for us

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the tip! I'll look on there and see what I can find!

View Quoted Comment Oh I see! The guest count is kind of up in the air. I think your best bet is actually a buffet. Not one you host, just one everyone meets up at. You could do brunch or lunch buffets, if someone shows up you just add it to the bill. Brunch buffets look really classy(I always see people dressed up) but the food’s a lot cheaper than dinner. Our local brunch spot is $6/pp plus $ if you want alcohol(no one expects free booze)
Look for something like that in your area.

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You are not stuck in the middle. You are inviting people to celebrate with you after your WEDDING CEREMONY and that is called a reception, If you can't afford it, don't do it. You want to feel good about yourself on your wedding day? Pay for your guests meals. You don't want to lack in something because of FEEDING someone? You know why it sounds selfish? BECAUSE IT IS. No it is NOT the one day you can have what you want. You and groom are alone all day? Then yes. The minute you invite others, it becomes about them and their comfort. Period.

Usually you would pay for your guests, ie rehearsal dinner/dinner. It's customary as a thank you for celebrating with us.

View Quoted Comment You are obviously not reading everything.

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No, I have read every post. WW is littered with brides (and a few grooms) who come here looking for validation of a bad idea then get (seemingly) offended when people say "Oh hell to the no on THAT!"

But Jessica, you be you,

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Totally missing that old "like" option....

View Quoted Comment I see nothing wrong with everyone paying for their own meals. My friends and family wouldn't have a problem with it but that's them. Based off several other responses, other families would have a problem with it. But it sounds like you know your people

View Quoted Comment No one is offended. If you're giving valid advice that's awesome, just educate yourself on the full situation before giving advice is all. Clearly I'm not the only one thinks the way I do and I don't need validation from anyone. At the end of the day, you aren't paying for crap and I can do what I want. But again, if you read everything you would know what's going on. Also, you don't know me or my life. I give 110% to my family, friends and everyone around every single day. So shoot me for not caring if cousin Ray Ray (figuratively of course) is upset because I didn't pay for his $25 shrimp plate and 4 beers when I didn't even know he was going to be there and shoot me for wanting, for once, to have something for me. He gives so much like I do. Also, if you read, only 4 peoe will be at the actual wedding portion. The rest are welcomed to join us for dinner if they wanted to. There is no "reception". We'd be eating dinner without them anyway; if you want to eat with us, cool. I'm not really worried about anyone's comfort but my mother's since she is the one with the illness. If people don't like honestly I don't care. We just need our parents and siblings; everyone else is icing on the cake. If our parents expressed adamantly that they don't want us paying for them, why would I pay for anyone else? But like I said in another comment, I still want to do something for them and looking for options there.

View Quoted Comment I don't think mine will have any issues either; but I was curious what others thought. I guess my family is just different in that way. They're more understanding and don't get get offended by things like this. I personally feel if they do have an issue then they simply shouldn't come. There's nothing formal about this at all. Apparently, there are people terribly offended by this idea which I think is odd but that's just me. Everyone is entitled to an opinion though. Was just curious.

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I second that motion MOB's post about missing that ol' like button.

There are rules of hosting to make guests feel appreciated and honored. I sure as Shakira didn't know all of the rules when I first started wedding planning. I got manyyyyy posts in my early days that were the WW community giving me tough love. I'm glad I had that. I was happy to be told what is to be expected.

@Jessica If you'd like more information on properly hosting guests I can recommend some books to help give you an idea of why certain people are "supposed" to pay for certain things. It's not mean to give you an etiquette-check.

View Quoted Comment You returned😂 I'm not going to be petty with you. I have more important things on my plate right now as I'm sure you do too. Have a great evening

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Why would I not return to a public post?

Nearly all of modern-day wedding etiquette is based in the phrase "don't be an asshole to your nearest and dearest."

Many PPs are correct in saying that its (not only out of the ordinary, but) rude to host an event celebrating your marriage and to make people pay for the food. You asked: we answered. Honestly, knowing your crowd is a great thing, but sometimes, surprising them by adhering to etiquette and *not* going the *technically* rude way is the way to go.

Come on guys. The bride is open to suggestions and advice, don’t shut down good discussion. The “You can’t do that” point has been posted to death, we’re past that. Offer helpful ideas now.

View Quoted Comment I feel the same way you do. I don't get why people would be offended either. If I invite people out to celebrate my birthday or a graduation or something else, I wouldn't pay for them to eat. So I wouldn't pay for someone to eat if I invited them out to celebrate my marriage, especially a courthouse one. A bigger wedding, yeah I'd expect something but to get together at a restaurant, that's different. At least for me. Sorry there's so much drama going on over a question you posted. Good luck

View Quoted Comment Again, I'm not hosting. There are no invitations, no banners. Nothing is formal. If you come, you come. Also, if you had read my previous comments, much like some of the ladies before did not, my family does not believe in RSVP-ing; they literally just show up if they want to. Please tell me how you plan for that?? People are can be so quick to drop judgement but has not given an answer to this. If you're not going to give an opinion on that, then please keep whatever judgement you have. You may think you're trying g to help but you're really not. They only family I am sure of being there is literally 4 people. I've said this many times.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I really don't understand it either. How you put it is exactly how I feel. I'm not planning a giant wedding. If our parents don't want us paying for them, why would I pay for anyone else? I just do t understand the logic. They're literally having dinner with me at a restaurant like we would any other Saturday for a birthday, or graduation etc.