Shae
Just Said Yes May 2019

Not on speaking terms with my father. What do i do for the father daughter dance?

Shae, on March 3, 2019 at 6:43 PM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 24
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My father abandoned me when I was 9 months old. I haven’t seen him since. My mom hasn’t even seen him since. My brothers father adopted me then divorced my mom when I was 6 or 7 years old. I have spoken to him once since then and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I have my moms 3 younger brothers and my 2 younger brothers and even my mom that I’m trying to decide who to dance with. I’m very close with my brothers and my uncles, my uncles have been a father figure my entire life but that’s all three of them so I don’t know who to pick origin shouldpick one of them or all of them. My brothers have been there for me and are some of my best friends and I know some people would say that brothers taking care of you are not the same as a father (figure) takingcareof you. I’m also wondering if I should dance with my mom as well during the mother son dance and then I could dance with either my brothers or my uncles or something. I don’t know...

24 Comments

Latest activity by Telly, on March 5, 2019 at 10:38 AM
  • Megan
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    Have you ever thought about dancing with your fiancees dad? My fiancee's dad is more a father figure to me than my dad is.
    • Reply
  • Monica
    Devoted July 2020
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    Why don’t you just skip that whole tradition altogether? While I’m close with my dad and would do one, my fiancé’s mother is dead and I don’t think it would be tactful for me to have that dance with my dad when he couldn’t have that dance with his mom.

    We will I’ll have a first dance just the two of us, and then it’ll be an open dance floor for everyone to get jiggy and groove!!
    • Reply
  • Shae
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Shae ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I thought about it we are getting close but not that close
    • Reply
  • Aubrey
    Dedicated September 2019
    Aubrey ·
    • Flag
    No one has to have a father daughter dance! I was removed by DCF as a kid and my father and I don’t speak, I am going to forego the father daughter dance OR ask my father from the second family. Do what will make you happy and not stressed!
    • Reply
  • Melanie
    Dedicated August 2019
    Melanie ·
    • Flag
    My father is my rock but I do not think he likes the limelight on him. I was barely able to convince him to walk me down the aisle. That being said, I don’t want to force him to dance with me and have all eyes on him twice in one day. I have decided to dance with my mother while my FH dances with his mother.

    You do not have to do all traditional type wedding things. Take what works for you and leave what doesn’t.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    I hear you. You can skip the whole “parental dances” if you wish. My hubby & I walked the aisle together and no dancing. His parents are deceased and mine are still living but divorced. Sometimes easier to skip an old tradition if the other partner can’t/doesn’t want to participate anyway.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Devoted December 2021
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    It would be sweet if you danced with one of your brothers or uncles. However, don’t feel obligated. No one would miss it if you skipped this tradition all together.
    • Reply
  • N
    Expert July 2019
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    If it’s really stressing you out I say skip it. I have my dad but my stepdad has been in my life since I was 7 so I was wondering how to do this if you pick to dance with all 3 I think it might be cute if you started to dance with one uncle then have one step in to take their place then again the last uncle comes and you dance with him too
    • Reply
  • J
    Savvy October 2019
    Jess ·
    • Flag

    Why not dance with all of them? It may need a little practice to switch partners but then you could honor all of them.

    • Reply
  • WeddingCruiser2019
    Devoted January 2019
    WeddingCruiser2019 ·
    • Flag

    My husband doesn't talk to his mother so she was not at our wedding and he skipped the mother son dance. I still did a dance with both my father and step-father. You can skip your dance altogether or you can either dance with one of the important male figures in your life or I am sure there is a cute way to incorporate all of them where they take turns dancing with you.

    • Reply
  • Shae
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Shae ·
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    It’s not stressing me out. The main issue is I do really want to do it, but I just don’t want to do it with either of my dads. They aren’t even invited. But I LOVE dancing and I love this option of the reception dance. I just don’t know who to pick. Should I dance with them all through out a song? And what kind of song would be appropriate?
    • Reply
  • Lizbeth
    Devoted July 2019
    Lizbeth ·
    • Flag
    I never had a father.
    My grandpa has always been the only father figure but he is religious and I do not think he will want to partake in it.

    So I'm planning on just dancing with my 4 year old after the speeches which will then lead to a family dance with me, my FH and our daughter
    • Reply
  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
    • Flag

    I don't speak to my father, only child and no grandparents. Skipped it. Didn't miss it at all

    • Reply
  • Nyikee
    Expert February 2020
    Nyikee ·
    • Flag

    Who is walking you down the isle, if anyone? If it's not your mom, maybe take the dance to honor her. I'm in a similar situation- my dad left us when I was 7 months old and I didn't know him until I was 10. He's treated me more like a neice or a cousin's kid, than his kid almost my whole life (I have 6 siblings to compare his behavior to, so I know what it's like to be treated like his kid). But in the past few years, he's put in a little effort to make our relationship better. It's not a lot, but at least it's something. Because my mom raised me and my eldest brother (who is autistic) pretty much by herself, I asked my mom to walk me down the isle. I'm giving my dad a first look, and then also giving him half of the parent's dance, unless my FH's dad comes, then i'll do a father's dance and a mother's dance.

    • Reply
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    I feel since you have so many options (mom, numerous uncles, and numerous brothers), it might be simpler to have your mom fill the "father of the bride" roll. Let her walk you down the aisle, and dance with her. That way no one gets their feelings hurt if you don't choose them, since they are all so close to you.

    Otherwise, you could have both brothers walk you down the aisle (one on each arm). Then have each uncle dance with you (switching out throughout the song).

    • Reply
  • C
    Savvy April 2019
    Casey ·
    • Flag

    You can always opt out of doing it altogether! However, if you still want to, but aren't sure how - you can always dance with all of your uncles during one song. So, after a minute you can switch to another uncle. This way you can do the dance without having to "choose" anyone in particular.

    • Reply
  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    My friend had a similar situation and danced with her aunts. You can do a dance with your uncles and do one song but rotate them in and out. Or you can dance with your mother.
    • Reply
  • R
    Beginner October 2019
    Renee ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I have seen where a brides father passed away so she danced with her brothers. Changed out partners at intervals throughout the song. It would work to dance with your mom too as she is the one who was there for you.

    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Dedicated May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag

    If you're close with all of them, why not dance with all of them? pick a longer song and do a verse or so with each of them!

    • Reply
  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    You don’t have to dance if you don’t have to do a father daughter dance. If you truly want to, then pick a man who has treated you like a daughter and has always been there for you!
    • Reply

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