So... I have some very interesting and complicated family dynamics. I'll try to make this as short and sweet as possible but while still making sense. I truly need some advice on how to handle not inviting nearly half of my mom's side of the family to my wedding.
It starts with my grandfather (mom's dad) kicking us out on our behinds my senior year of high school when my great grandfather (his dad) graciously took us in when we lost our house in the mortgage crisis of 2009. Great grandfather passed away right before I graduated high school, and we were left with no home right before I started college. Luckily my aunt took us in, but this started a 10+ year battle with my mom and my grandfather...
Five years ago, my mom passed away. She was sick for a long time, starting my senior year of high school (not a great year clearly!). I was her primary caretaker along with my stepdad. I cherish the years we spent together up until she passed. Throughout those years, my mom opened up to me and told me more about the feud with her father. He said some truly awful, horrendous things that no father should say to their kid. She always told me I could have a relationship with him if I wanted to, but after knowing everything he did and said to her (ultimately affecting my sister and I), I knew there was no way I wanted him in my life. Of course, while she was literally on her death bed in comfort care at the hospice home, he felt he needed to come pay his respects and put their differences aside. It was a tearful reunion with many "I'm sorry's" and "I forgive you's." I truly think he only showed up because he had a guilty conscience and was an act solely done for selfish reasons. He visited two more times while she was in hospice, and after she passed, he did come to her calling hours but abruptly left before her memorial service. I had tried to establish a relationship with him after the fact, with no effort on his behalf, and I stopped trying when he decided to bad mouth my mom on her birthday two years after she passed, writing on a Facebook post I had written about her. We have had no contact in three years since.
I'm now in the process of planning my wedding, and I have told my family and friends I have zero interest in inviting him, or much of my mom's side of the family. Many of them are drama-filled alcoholics who get drunk and loud and cause trouble for no reason. Much of the family has not reached out to me after my mom died, save for immediately after with the calling hours and memorial service. Even then, it really only felt like lip service. When we announced our engagement on social media, my grandfather didn't even say anything. Much of that side of the family didn't. There are one, maybe two 2nd cousins from that side of the family that I would genuinely love to invite since they are the most normal, non-drama, and were always there for my mom throughout her sickness and after her passing. One of those cousins also chose not to invite several family members to his wedding a few years ago, including his own sister and niece because of their dramatic behavior/drinking. I just worry about the inevitable drama this may cause, only inviting two cousins and their significant others and giving a big middle finger to the rest of the family. Many family and friends who know the full story and the dynamics of this side of the family agree with my decision to not invite these people, my fiance included. After all, it is our day, and why would we want people there that we haven't seen or talked to in over five years who would potentially bring negativity to our day? It's going to be hard without my mom, and I really do not want to have people there that I haven't seen since she died as I feel like it will make the day much harder than it will be.
I apologize for the lengthy post but needed to provide some context. Do I go ahead and only invite the two cousins I'm close with and forget the rest of the family? Do I save myself the potential drama and headache and not invite them at all? There really is no desire for me to make amends with my grandfather or have relationships with this side of the family, save for the occasional comment on Facebook, so putting differences aside is not in the cards for me, especially after the horrible things he did and said to my mother, even after her death. Everyone is telling me to do what I want, but I am a people pleaser and hate drama/confrontation so much. I think it says a lot my cousin didn't invite some of these family members to his wedding as well. I'm just kind of at a loss. Thanks for taking the time to read and any advice would be super helpful.
