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Expert June 2018

Not inviting guests to the ceremony

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Brittney, on May 25, 2017 at 4:30 PM

My FH and I are getting married in Las Vegas. All guests will have to travel from out of town to celebrate with us. The ceremony space that we chose only seats 60 people (no exceptions). My FH's parents have gone over the guest count and have designated certain guests to only attend the dinner reception. I'm not crazy about the thought of having guests not attend the ceremony, but I'm not comfortable raising the issue with my future FIL. There will only be about 10 guests who do not receive ceremony invites. My future FIL said that the extra guests he's inviting have gone to only the reception at other weddings and won't have a problem with it. I definitely feel bad having people fly from across the country for only dinner.

What should I do?

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27 Comments

Master November 2016
KitandKaboodle · on May 25, 2017 at 5:01 PM
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Normally I support a bride when she makes decisions about her wedding. However. I cannot support this BS. It is beyond rude to invite someone to a wedding but only attend the reception.

And the fact that your FIL have received this type of "invitation" doesn't make it appropriate.
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Master September 2017
NewlyMrsLachney · on May 25, 2017 at 5:06 PM
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What Zaz said.
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Dedicated September 2017
Ana · on May 25, 2017 at 5:07 PM
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Soooo they are not important enough to actually attending the wedding portion of the wedding but they are sure invited to the reception where they are expected to bring a gift.. cool cool cool

Ya this is rude, I get it's your FIL but I would have a chat with him.
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VIP September 2017
Madelayna · on May 25, 2017 at 5:08 PM
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Time to bring out your bridal balls and your bridal backbone. Sorry to be blunt but please don't be that person that keeps her mouth shut because she's worried about upsetting someone. That's not very adult IMO. Stand up for yourself!
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Rachel DellaPorte · on May 25, 2017 at 5:20 PM
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The fact that it's 10 people makes it even worse. That tells each of the 10 just how far down the list they are. If went to an OOT reception and discovered that the majority of the room actually attended a ceremony, I'd be really humiliated. If I knew beforehand, I'd decline. If I found out on the spot, I'd probably leave.

I guess you could sit the rejected at the same table; that way they won't have to listen to other guests talking about the beautiful ceremony they were barred from attending.

You may be uncomfortable talking to your FIL about this, but it's YOUR wedding. This plan is ultimately a reflection on you and FH (and of course your FIL is telling you that these people will be fine with it -- it's HIS idea he's trying to sell). Find another venue or cut your list -- you have over a year before the wedding, so you have time to figure this out.
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Super July 2018
SLR · on May 25, 2017 at 7:37 PM
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A friend of mine did this too. She wanted a small ceremony, which was totally acceptable and understandable. It's their day!

I wasn't offended at all, but I will say that I didn't go. It was going to be expensive to travel and bad timing for me that year, and I didn't want to move mountains just for attending the reception. It's tough when everyone is coming in from out of town.
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Master March 2017
BlueHenBride · on May 25, 2017 at 7:49 PM
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It is extremely rude to invite a portion of your guests to the reception only, unless you are having a truly intimate ceremony, which would be immediate family only. It sounds like you would be inviting all of your guests except 10 to the ceremony? And the number of guests invited to the ceremony is 60? So this means 60 out of your 70 total wedding guests are invited to your ceremony. This is not a small or intimate ceremony. The majority of your wedding guests are still invited to your ceremony. 60 ceremony guests does not sound intimate regardless of how big your total wedding guest list was. It does not sound like immediate family only. Your FH either needs to tell FFIL that you need to cut the guest list down to 60 so everyone can attend both the ceremony and wedding or you need to find a bigger ceremony space.
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