Not inviting guests to the ceremony

That's extremely rude. Sorry, but this should be all or nothing; let the guests decide if they want to come to the ceremony or just the reception. Or have your FIL's cut down their guest count.

That is rude. You'll have to have your FH to ask your FIL to cut the guest list or find a bigger venue.

Can you limit the ceremony to just family? That way at least there's some sort of reason other than "you didn't make the cut".

Since they're traveling a great distance to be there for your wedding, it seems a little unfair to not invite them to the ceremony, you know what I mean?

I had this happen last year with a not so close cousin. I still think it means a lot that you invite them to anything at all. People should be able to understand certain venue limitations. Some people forget that it is YOUR day!

You can have a private ceremony for JUST your immediate family and then a larger reception. But excluding only 10 people from the ceremony isn't right. It will be very clear that these are the "less important" people.

@Candy, cool only what 5 comments before the "it's YOUR day" shit comes out. Your guests comfort is about THEM. it's not about you. Asking a guest to travel, fly, spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars but not be invited to the ceremony because it's "YOUR" day? Get real.

My FH and I are limited by our ceremony site as well. We have decided only parents, grandparents and siblings at the ceremony. The reception will be about 100 guests.

OMG no that's so rude. The ceremony has to be truly small, not 60 guests, for this to work. Otherwise people are going to feel second rate if they don't get invited to the ceremony.

Your FH should talk to his parents about this and get them to not invite these people. I would be incredibly insulted that someone would think I'd want to fly across the country to not even be invited to the ceremony.

If any part of your venue "has certain limitations" then base your invites on that one venue. It's a tiered reception, and extremely rude.

Personally speaking, I don't care if you're close family, lifelong friend, or nodding acquaintance - I'd be pretty insulted to be invited to the reception and not the ceremony, i.e. the most important part of the day. It looks like a gift grab, whether that's the intent or not.

It's not rude if you go with a very small ceremony, like 20 or less guests.

I think for a destination wedding a private ceremony is pretty fucking rude.

Super rude. You and your FH need to stand up to your in laws and say no to this.

I agree with PP inviting 10 or so people to only the reception, particularly a destination wedding, is incredibly rude. They are going to talk to the other guests and they will find out they were the only ones not deemed good enough to attend both. At this point you have three options: 1) find a new venue to accommodate all of your guests for both the ceremony and reception 2) invite only 60 people to both events or 3) invite immediate family only for the ceremony and have the reception with everyone. Since this is a destination wedding I would definitely not recommend option #3 because guests will feel slighted to have to travel for just the reception.

@FutureMrsE, grow up if you want to come at me negatively for voicing my opinion.

It's impossible to think about every single guest and their happiness at every single moment. There are other ways for guests to be/feel involved.

Would you feel horrible if not everyone of your guests went to the ceremony?

Of course you would but it's being an understanding adult when those things happen.

You need to have FH stand up to FILs and give them a fixed number of guests - 10 missing the ceremony is 10 too many

Who are these 10 people? If they're not important enough to be invited to the ceremony, can't you just cut them from the guest list?

A tiered reception is when people are invited to the ceremony, but not the reception. This is gift grabby and rude. It's not rude to limit the ceremony. Though to only exclude 10 people is a little odd so I would adjust and only include family.

@Candy - if a guest *chooses* to not make the ceremony, that's one thing. If I deliberately leave them off the guest list for the ceremony? That's a whole other scenario, and yes, it's rude.

And yes, as a host, you should keep in mind the feelings and happiness of all your guests for the duration of the event. You may not be able to get everyone their favorite flavor of ice cream, cake, etc, but leaving them out of the ceremony is a pretty big deal.