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Not inviting father’s mistress

Brianne, on June 5, 2021 at 8:59 AM

Posted in Family and Relationships 28

I’m not the bride but the sister in law. She is in a difficult situation and we could use an outside perspective. My father in law (brides father) had an affair and divorced my mother in law after 35 years of marriage. My husband has completely cut off all contact with his dad and we have not spoken...
I’m not the bride but the sister in law. She is in a difficult situation and we could use an outside perspective. My father in law (brides father) had an affair and divorced my mother in law after 35 years of marriage. My husband has completely cut off all contact with his dad and we have not spoken to him in 8 months. My sister in law tried her hardest to keep a relationship with him but he has been very hostile and difficult to get along with. Her problem is that he has money put aside for her wedding and she has made the decision to pay for her wedding herself because if she took money from him she would be obligated to allow the mistress to attend the wedding. She’s not even sure at this point if she wants her father there. My husband will be walking her down the aisle instead. Are we being unreasonable by saying the mistress is not welcome at the wedding. We have refused to meet her and my mother in law is still very hurt and we don’t want problems at my sister in laws big day.
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28 Comments

  • C
    Chip/Dale ·
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    I’m in the same situation. My ex had an affair we divorced and he’s still with her. My Future Daughter in law want her there at the wedding and the shower. I don’t think it’s fair to me. I despise this woman (mistress) & I’ll be miserable at my son’s wedding. I don’t even want to the wedding. How should I go about this? I haven’t seen mistress since I caught them in bed together. She was married too. My ex and her are not living together. Please help

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  • C
    Chip/Dale ·
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    It’s not my daughters wedding…I have know clue what your talking about

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  • LM
    Super December 2022
    LM ·
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    You burn bridges with your son and FDIL by lauding your feelings over attending their wedding. Get therapy, bring a support person to get through the day if need be.

    Here's another thread for perspective: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/dads-wife-was-his-mistress-and-mom-doesnt-want-her-at-my-wedding/55f31677eda90110.html

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  • C
    Chip/Dale ·
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    My son can’t stand his fathers mistress

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  • C
    Chip/Dale ·
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    Why next to your name does it say “Expert” Expert in what?

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  • C
    Chip/Dale ·
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    Your totally wrong….Go on The Knot…..

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  • C
    Chip/Dale ·
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    And it’s NOT the couple who is inviting them it’s only my future daughter-in-law. My son does not want her at the wedding.

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  • C
    CM ·
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    Sorry, your son’s and future daughter-in-law’s wedding, I misspoke. In any case, that’s a distinction without much of a difference at least as it relates to you. If your son and future daughter in law disagree on whether to invite your ex-husbands SO, that’s between them. That said, PPs are correct that an established couple who consider themselves a social unit are properly invited together. I know you don’t want to hear it but reality is she’s a SO, not a mistress.


    As for the ex telling your son not to invite you, at least I think that’s what you mean, two wrongs don’t make a right. Is he contributing or paying for the wedding? If not, I don’t see how he thinks he can make a request like that.
    But if you’re going to ask for help then don’t insult people and hurl accusations when they try to give it to you.
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