Not inviting family members

I have the same problem. We are telling them that due to the number of seats, we can't invite everyone, but we will broadcast it on FB live on mine and FH's FB so that people can see it.

Start in circles. Immediate family, aunt & uncles, closest friends, cousins, ect. You can invite in circles but people will be offended if you have 16 cousins and invite 12 but leave 4 out

I'm trying to also keep in mind that not everyone will be able to attend.

@OP DO NOT count on that, if you send an invite, plan on that person being there. You will end up over inviting that way and screwing yourself over. And please do not cut people from your list that are in certain groups because you think they will not attend, thats another way to hurt someones feelings

I agree with @Mrs.G. Also keep in mind that in some instances someone may still be offended. Let them know that you wanted everyone, but due to budget and space restrictions that wasn't optional.

FH has a ton of family, 46 cousins and SO, never mind aunts, uncles, and kids. "We" he went back and forth on this for months. Had we invited them all it would have doubled the size of our guest list. We decided to keep our wedding small and are not inviting any cousins or aunts or uncles since if we invited one we would have to invite them all. Also, don't over invite or invite some planning on others not showing. Have seen that end badly on here several times.

I am in the same boat. We decided on no more than 100 people to stay in our budget. His family side is also relatively small. My mom has 9 brothers and sisters, my dad has 7 living brothers and sisters (eek!).

With our extended family we are only inviting aunts, uncles, and one of my cousins (he is basically my little brother). My extended family can be very dramatic so I'm sure people will talk. However, if we invited everyone we wouldn't be able to properly host.

In regards to this circles thing, are there exceptions? Genuinely curious since I have cousins I communicate with fairly regularly and cousins I either haven't seen since childhood or speak to once in every five years.

Not trying to hijack a thread! I just felt it appropriate to ask here versus starting a similar thread.

@Jay, I personally (Im sure someone will disagree with me) consider these circles to consist of people you actually have a relationship with. I have 36 cousins and havent seen 28 of them in 30 years, I dont know where they are living or who their families consist of now, I did not include those people in the "circle" inviting

A lot of my cousins and I communicate through facebook but never on "non family based event". Some cousins I only talk to at family gatherings. If I invite a few cousin and not the others I think it will hurt feelings. We are very drama free so that's not a concern.

@Ms.G, I get that. I have an aunt and an uncle whose children I communicate with more often than my other aunts and uncles children; I'm talking, like, the ones you don't see until someone dies, they act close to you for that day, and then nothing after that.

FH is close with all of his cousins, so his stance is it feels weird inviting his and me excluding a majority of mine.

I just don't want to invite people who I don't even speak to, despite our blood relation.

@Jay I would say if you do not consider them close, then skip that invite. Would it hurt you if they were pissed they werent invited, if the answer is "No I barely know them" then they dont need to be considered in the list. By circles its more, if you see all of your cousins on holidays and family functions but you just dont want to invite a few of them because you'd rather have someone else there. Those people are going to be upset because they are family and they have a relationship with you, but you nixed them so your coworker bopeep could come.

ETA: But if you decided to not invite any cousins thats ok too, Its hurtful when you invite one but not the other when the relation is the same.

@Ms. G Thank you!! It's hard because I'm the type that doesn't want to hurt feelings or make things awkward. I'm sure they will be understanding if I choose to go the route and not invite them due to cost reasons and not personal reasons. We'll see!!!

My best friend has a huge family (she has 24 first cousins). She and her husband did a cake and punch reception and served light finger foods so that they didn't have to exclude any family members. Would it be possible for you to alter your vision to avoid hurt feelings? I didn't have that issue (small family) but she didn't want to risk hurt feelings and have to deal with exclusions at holidays in the future.

ETA: they had their reception at a non meal time so there was no expectation of a meal. Short reception: I think the whole shebang was over by 4:30 or 5 pm.

Like @Mrs. G said use circles and draw hard lines. I am inviting only immediate family and close friends. With having a large family and so many extended family members, I needed to not invite any otherwise it wouldn't be fair to invite some and leave others out.

@crescent1874 I was considering that. I'm going to email my vendor and see the different meal options they have. Right now we have chosen a buffet style but I'm not against more finger food type service. I've had to alter a few things since I've started planning because cost of weddings are outrageous. I really don't mind changing my vision. Even I know my vision and tatse is higher than my bank account loo.

I have it a little easy, people with children who are still of trick or treating age just don't get an invite because I don't want them to have to choose. I know I'll be missing at least 2 of them the most at the wedding but I would rather them be with their children. Good luck!

@athena Thank you! That's the one thing my fiance and I did decide on is no kids.

@Shaneice, good luck! The only thing I would say is just know your family dynamic. In my family, not inviting at least out to cousins would be a huge insult. If you know that your family would be understanding, I would say you can make some hard cuts (inviting first cousins but not second cousins or inviting only your immediate family but not aunts, uncles, etc). If your family would honestly hold it against you forever, I would say go the less expensive cake and punch route.

You have two options: you either cut all cousins, or you change the reception to a non-mealtime, two hour, dessert and champagne party. Cutting out meals for all guests and replacing them with desserts and champagne will send a message that you were more invested in inviting as many family members as possible to celebrate your wedding. If you go the other route, a full meal, an open bar, a DJ, etc., then you'll probably deal with nothing more than family congratulations at Thanksgiving.