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Expert October 2018

Not invited?

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AllieB25, on February 9, 2018 at 5:57 PM

Hey ya'll, So we just received an invitation to a wedding in a few months. This is the wedding for FH's roommate from college, whom he was really close with while they were in school and is still in contact with occasionally. I've never met him, we are inviting him and his future wife to our...

Hey ya'll,

So we just received an invitation to a wedding in a few months. This is the wedding for FH's roommate from college, whom he was really close with while they were in school and is still in contact with occasionally. I've never met him, we are inviting him and his future wife to our wedding.

Here's the situation- only FH's name was on the invitation, and there was nothing in the RSVP to indicate whether he has a plus one, or anything including me at all. Should I assume I'm not invited? If that's the case, what should we do?

Is it rude to reach out and ask? What would you do?

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29 Comments

VIP May 2018
FutureMrsR · on February 9, 2018 at 11:09 PM
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Read: I don't care that I'm rude
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Super December 2018
Lacy · on February 9, 2018 at 11:09 PM
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So you're okay with upsetting your friends and family. Uh, okay then.
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Devoted June 2018
LyraGardenia · on February 10, 2018 at 3:14 AM
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How would you feel if you were invited to a friend's wedding and weren't allowed to bring your future spouse? Even if you know other people there, it's awkward to be at an event revolving around love without your partner.
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Devoted August 2018
LoveAlwaysWin · on February 10, 2018 at 5:15 AM
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Personally think it is very rude I will be highly offended. Every one on our guest list who we know of whom is in a relationship married or we think is with someone is invited. We want to make our guest feel very comfortable and welcomed. I will not even attend a wedding by myself and FH wouldn’t either. It’s all around RUDE.
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Expert June 2018
Bride2B · on February 10, 2018 at 5:20 AM
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I am totally doing the same for invites (and definitely did it for save the dates)...If I didn't know their name I can't put it on! That's why I think I'm definitely going to do the whole "we have reserved ___ seats in your honor" on the RSVP card, just so people don't feel awkward, and it is an awkward situation. I really hate having to have the whole "um so is FH invited?" talk. Glad he's asking, and hopefully it was a mixup. My FH wouldn't know any of the etiquette I've learned here in the last couple months. I even used the word "officiant" and he had to ask me to define it cuz he'd never heard the word before.
ETA- I'm giving everyone a plus 1.
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Master December 2016
Elizabeth · on February 10, 2018 at 2:11 PM
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If you don't know the name of the significant other, you're supposed to call and ask. They should be invited by name on the invitation. They're also not considered a plus one. They're just an invited couple. A plus one is when someone is not in a relationship with anyone and you allow them to bring anyone they want. This could be a BFF, a cousin, or just a random date. Plus ones aren't required, but inviting couples as a social unit are.
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VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on February 10, 2018 at 2:46 PM
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What's so bad about contacting people and asking what their partner's name is?
When someone is in a relationship, it's NOT a plus one.
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Expert June 2018
Bride2B · on February 10, 2018 at 4:35 PM
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Obviously I know that technically and semantically that my MOH's husband is not a "plus one," in addition to any other relationships that people have. Anyone I know the name of I will specifically list, but some people are going to be harder to reach then others. I'm not going to go crazy to try and figure it out. I just said the plus one thing because it seems to not be as common as I thought to give everyone "2 seats." Also, I have at least a couple friends who are opting to not bring their significant others/husbands and are instead bringing their mom or daughter or a friend instead as their "plus one." I am not discouraging this. by implying that they can bring their husband, or they can bring no one.
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