Not invited to wedding/B-list

Sorry to hear about the situation, but I also wondered if your sister is calling the shots rather than your niece.

Really sucks. Seems that your niece had to choose between her only aunt and mother.

She didn't invite you to the wedding but you're expected to buy a shower gift ? Pfffttt...

In my opinion she didn't invite you because she didn't see you as important enough to be there. But she wanted you at the shower ; gifts right ? The truth hurts.

Sentimental feelings because you've put so much into something you are definitely going to feel hurt and you should. It's like being used and then thrown aside. Rock your 40th young lady and have a grand old time with YOUR friends , she can kiss your butt.

This is beyond rude! Do not let them pressure you into going to the shower. Her and her mother made their decision and now they have to live with it. And for the record my mother and her sisters aren't on the best terms but I will still invite them. You're her aunt and should have been included in the first place. I'm so sorry she did that to you.

That's crap! I wouldn't go!

Wow this is all so rude and hurtful. Absolutely don't accept their awful b-list invite or attend the shower. Such a gift grab. This speaks volumes about your niece.

Not to play devil's advocate, but if your sister and you don't get along your niece might really be in between a rock and a hard place.

If you can look past it I'd say go and maybe talk to you niece in private waaaayyy after the wedding.

Sorry this is happening to you!

People always find out that they are b listed and its awkward

I kinda second Whitney, might have been your sister not your niece calling the shots. I would send a gift and a nice note to the niece (and decline both events) and avoid contact with your sister.

ETA: this way, if your niece wasn't in control, you don't mess up your relationship. Since you already don't have one with your sister (or sister in law? Niece's mom), not being in touch with her means you don't lose anything.

So rude

For those that are saying "maybe the niece didn't know what her mom was up to," ha! Her wedding, her guest list, she's as rude as the mother and not off the hook.

OP: Take the money you were going to spend on the shower and wedding, and go on a trip. I'm so petty, I'd go on the day of the wedding.

I agree that it's definitely my sister's doing. I don't think our mother had a part in it but she should have stood up for me. My sister and I don't get along as in we aren't close, and she'd probably be happier if I wasn't her sister but we don't fight. It's not like it'd be some big embarrassment from family drama lol I feel better though with so many saying that I'm not out of line.

The situation sucks, and I'm sorry you're hurt. The last minute shower invite was a faux pas for sure.

Consider there might be other factors involved....we decided not to invite aunts and uncles because while FH has only the two, my side would add 12 invites to an event we're trying to keep small.

Well, Orchids, my b-list invite was a result of a great aunt declining the invite soooo that doesn't really apply. I'm the only aunt or either side of the family (no uncles either).

I would skip out on it too. So rude to invite people as a "back up guest."

It's only one day, and unfortunately there is a line that has to be drawn for invitations. However, you want to be a part of their marriage, not just one day. I would say to try to look past those comments and things and be a part of their lives the way you have been doing prior to this event.

The nerve of some people... buy me a shower gift but you cannot go to my wedding. Just wow.

While I am normally a "Be the better person" type I would say decline to both. Send her a card with a note congratulating her on her marriage and tell them since you were not initially invited you made other plans, for both days. Inviting you to her shower is rude as hell after being B listed. I don't know the history of you and your sister but I really hope she is not that big of biotch to manipulate the guest list. She is the one who is going to look like an ass, not you.

If you can get through the wedding without interacting with your sister I say go. Sounds like your niece loves you and it was between your two not her.