My husband has 2 grown children (twins) with his first wife. I am his 3rd wife so I didnt split them up or even know him back when he was with wife#1 (mother of his chidlren). We've been together for 13 years. I have 2 children from my 1st marriage. No children together. But we've been married much longer than any other wife :-) His 28yo daughter is getting married soon. She wants 2 weddings - one in US and 1 in India (her husband is from India). Her wedding planner alone costs $10K. She wants 200+ guests at each wedding event. The US event will be held at an exclusive winery outside San Francisco (we're in Florida). You can imagine the total cost. Her dad (my husband) has been asked to pay for it all. Fortunately, he has the means. I grew up poor and studied hard to get a degree and work 60+ hours/week to support myself. I don't rely on anyone. Never have. I pay all the bills at the house & my husband contributes $500/mo. When we go out, we usually split the bill. I paid for my kid's weddings, tuition, etc with nothing from him. His kids and ex-wives, however, only call him when they want something. And it's usually money...or a car...or a vacation...never a request to spend time with him or help him out.
For years I tried having a relationship with his kids. When we first met his daughter was 15 and snuck out a window, went drinking and crashed the Mustang her dad bought her just 24 hours before. Police brought her home at 2am. She cried so he hugged her and immediately had the car fixed. Not even a scolding. Unfortunately our parenting techniques are quite different. I have raised my own children to understand that there are consequences for actions. And if you want something - work for it.
In order to bring us all together I've arranged trips to Disney (her parents never took the kids to any amusement park), the London Olympics, etc. so that his children get to do fun things that their mom and dad (my husband) never had the time or inclination to do with them (his ex has never worked a day in her life - she lives 100% on his alimony and child support in a $1M home he paid for). When his ex-wife threw their daughter out of the house at age 16, I let her come stay with me (my husband was out of the country on business). I drove 3 hours at 1am on a work night to go pick her up at an airport. His son hasn't done much better in life. He's flunked out of 4 universities due to all his partying and won't get a job. My husband pays his rent, his car, his motorcycle and even bought him an airplane (so he could learn to fly). Both my kids graduated from college - one with a PhD from Cambridge - and they've both worked since they were 15 years old. We've got two very different ways of raising children. I'm not saying one way is right and the other is wrong. They're just different.
Now his daughter is 28 years old and getting married. And I'm not invited. Not a real big surprise, because his children never liked that I have rules in our home (no underage drinking, for example). But I'm feeling sad that my husband didn't insist that I be invited. Knowing he's paying for everything and then travelling to CA and then India for multi-day weddings with dancing, dining, etc. without me is making me feel like he's got another family and I'm simply not a part of it. It's not like he's going out for the day to attend her wedding. He'll literally be gone for weeks attending these events in two different countries. Without me. Not sure if I should say something? Or maybe be happy I don't have to attend? I'm torn here.
