Not getting a caterer

Interesting thing about suing people - usually when it comes to insurance claims, it's not the individual looking to sue someone, but their insurance company looking to recoup the costs. So even if your family doesn't want to sue you, their insurance company does. Professionals have insurance to cover themselves in case this happens, your FH does not.
Thisbis a bad idea. Very bad. Don't make your friends and family work on your wedding day - it's supposed to be fun and enjoyable, not stressful. Someone will end up missing activities if their left worrying about the food and going back and forth to place it out and really not enjoying themselves - why would you do that to someone?
Don't do this. Hire a professional just for the sake of not having to worry about it - I promise you will have other things that need your attention

My mother self catered her second wedding years ago when she remarried. My sister and I spent two days prepping and cooking the entire morning of the wedding. We started at around 6am baking and getting things ready... we almost missed the wedding ceremony because we were cooking. We had no time to change or wear anything nice. We missed the entire reception...I’ll neber get those memories back..ever...I’ll never have any pictures of us on her wedding day. I don’t remember how she looked or helping her get ready because my step father refused to pay for catering so we were left to cook everything.

This is what you face...by self catering..

My FH is a chef, had managed restaurant kitchens. He’s currently working in a fast paced steakhouse... he STILL would never think he can prep and cook all the food for our wedding. I couldn’t imagine spending my entire wedding day cooking...or FH doing that..Would he even be focused during the ceremony or would he be stressed about the food? Why is he so against a caterer and wanting to work on your wedding day???

View Quoted Comment Some of the catered food is made the day before. Not most, some. Caterers know what's served best the day of and what isn't.
I actually just picked up food from a potential caterer yesterday. He was making it for a wedding that evening.
It's possible to serve others when hosting. I'll be serving my guests through hiring a caterer.
There have been stories on here of people self catering. One was even a licensed caterer. She said she spent most of her wedding day in the kitchen with her wedding dress on and she would do it differently if she could go back. She had a memorable day by doing this, but not for the right reasons.

ETA: the only thing he had done the day before was the meat because it was smoked. Everything else was made the day of.

View Quoted Comment That's a red flag right there.

View Quoted Comment That's great for you. All I meant is that some people do not derive the same satisfaction of serving their guests by hiring that out. They want to do it themselves.

OP, I agree that you'll mostly get horror stories and lectures about liability on here when asked about self-catering. These are valid points to consider, but people have success doing this as well. Try googling about self-catering a wedding. You'll find posts from offbeat bride, a practical wedding and other forums that will give you examples of when self-catering a wedding was successful. If your FH is determined and you think he can handle it, then pick up some of their pointers on those sites to help you on your day.

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I actually thought this, too. I would be super concerned if I asked my FH to compromise on something that was important to me and he wouldn't budge at all...

View Quoted Comment My ceremony was at 6pm, the sunset right after. Our hair and makeup started at 9:30am. Photos started at 2pm. I don't see how you and your SO, and family will have anytime to get ready and man the kitchen. It sounds like a logistical nightmare. The other thing I've noticed from self catered weddings is that there is no one directing when it's cocktail hour and when dinner service begins and it's chaotic. I've experienced not having food at a wedding because it was self catered and logistics and having a coordinator weren't planned for. Have you sat down and wrote the day out from start to finish?

Just to give you an idea... my fiance and I regularly host huge parties, and cater them ourselves. The last one we threw was in September and had 250 guests. I made all the food myself with the exception of dessert, which we bought. I worked in an industrial kitchen and I have my food handlers.

Guess what? We worked from 8am the day of until 6:30am the morning after. We had no time to mingle or socialize with our guests and we were dead on our feet. There was so much to do that we had no time to actually enjoy the party. We could not have done it if it was a wedding without subjecting other people to all that work.

Several people have offered to help us with anything we need on our wedding day, and I've made a point to decline every offer and thank them but say to please come as a guest and enjoy this day, that we are hiring people. I don't want anyone to remember my wedding day like that, and I certainly don't want to do it myself!

View Quoted Comment That's pretty spot on to him. He loves cooking for others and is pretty good at it. I don't know where all the comments on poultry came from but he's talking about beef or pork and fish for me.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I'll have to check them out. I actually found out last night that my mom self-catered her own wedding for 200 people and it was a success so I'm not as stressed with my FH wanting to do cooking.

View Quoted Comment It's the difference between spending thousands of dollars we don't have and saving money plus having his own touch to the food. This is what he's most excited for for the wedding. Not necessarily a red flag

View Quoted Comment Not yet, we've been engaged for a month. We're hiring one of his co-workers to be bartender so we'll have help in that area at least

I completely admire your FH for wanting to take this on! Some advice I received early on in my planning process was that we are not the hosts, we are the guests of honor! I would just hate for him to miss out on your day in having to cook or worry about it all the day of! Any way you choose- I’m sure your day will be wonderful!

View Quoted Comment And what about the day of? Do you do watch the kitchen staff to make sure each chicken breast is served to your liking? And how exactly did my experience getting cold chicken mean they never did a tasting....haha the chicken probably tasted great when it was hot, but having a plated dinner when people are picky with their food and making it hot for evert guest? Sounds like they used the microwave to me.

You guys act like 1) You can change OPs mind about her food situation when its not your decision.

2) She's not asking for you to shut down her idea, she's asking for advice to help pull off her idea(or her FHs idea)

3) You think a caterer never made a mistake? I've seen a lot of posts on here about caterers showing up late or having "top rated" caterers mess things up the day of the wedding. Any way you decide to do a wedding it could have flaws. Let her live, damn.

View Quoted Comment Thank You!

Update, month after the wedding.
1. Our food was served hot
2. He did not spend the entire wedding day cooking
3. None of our guests got food poisoning
4. NONE OF OUR GUESTS SUED US BECAUSE MY CHEF OF A HUSBAND KNOWS HOW TO COOK
5. We have plenty of pictures to show we had a fun memorable time.

Soooo. Thank you all for your attacks and threats on mine and my husband's reception dinner. My husband is an amazing chef who had absolutely no problems with our dinner. Thanks for the warnings but they weren't necessary and it'd be nice for you to consider keeping your foot in your mouth next time you see a bride asking for advice on catering her own wedding because it is possible and we only spent $3500 on the wedding. As my husband says "It's not rocket science to cater for 80 people"