Not getting a caterer

I doubt you'll get much advice on self-catering here. What I've noticed is people seem to be pretty against it because of all the things that can go wrong when it's not a professional.

People on here don't like self catering but it's what we are doing
The men are all making bbq chicken however they do this for a ot of parties and I've heard they have done this for weddings before
At least 2 summer parties they cooked chicken this way. They can do this before the wedding and our venue has hot bars so the chicken will stay hot
My mom and I will make sides the day before
Like macaroni salad and sandwiches
Again our venue has a fridge and the stuff will stay cold until the reception
Plus we have only about 50 to 60 guests to worry about

Self-catering is dangerous and a bad idea for many reasons. I would advise against this, if not for safety reasons, than for the fact that you don't want your FH stressed and cooking for 80 people on your wedding day. For me, it's not worth the added stress to my family members, plus the danger of everyone getting food poisoning because someone doesn't know to wash their hands after touching raw chicken.

I would verify with your venue they all self catering if you haven't already. Mine does not allow it

Most venues do not allow self catering.. FH is a chef, and one thing he said is we’re hiring a caterer. We’re not spending the day cooking, nor is our family. Just not an option.

Can he handle food allergies and dietary restrictions??? This is dangerous, what will you do if someone has an allergic reaction? Food poisoning?? How will to prepare and store the food safely before serving it?

How will photos happen if your H and family members are cooking?
I see this as too much stress for the couple. I wouldn't advise this for a wedding. Any other party/day that isn't as important as a wedding where most everyone is stressed-have at it! But, your wedding? Let a caterer handle it.

View Quoted Comment The owner of my venue is my boss who loves me and gave me a $600 discount. The beach house comes with a full kitchen so I'm for sure allowed to do cooking

View Quoted Comment My FH has been a restaurant manager and works in a restaurant now and bakery. He's planning on making the meat thing the night before at work and keeping it warm in the smoker at the beach house. So food poisoning isn't a concern. Mainly stress. He's very against a caterer though

View Quoted Comment Just because you're not concerned doesn't mean it won't happen. And when it does, your friends and family can and will sue you for their hospital bills. Using a licensed and insured caterer will alleviate both stress of cooking and stress about liability.

View Quoted Comment He can definitely handle food restrictions. With me being a pescetarian along with being allergic to wheat, corn, soy and peanuts he's great about making allergy-conscious food. We're going to have a few options for the main dish but on our invitations and RSVP cards we plan on asking about food allergies. Most of our guests are family and don't have restrictions (me being the exception) mainly they have fad diets. The venue has a kitchen with heated shelves for storage along with a fridge so storage we're not worried about.

View Quoted Comment The cooking will be done beforehand and I'm hiring a professional photographer along with a classmate (she's good, I'm just giving her the opportunity to build her portfolio). My mom and grandma plan on doing salads and sides. We plan on buffet style so we won't have to worry about plating and serving. I personally have looked at a few local caterers but with how stubborn my FH is I'm in a losing battle.

View Quoted Comment It would I agree but I know I won't be able to convince him to get a caterer. Our family wouldn't sue us if they did get food poisoning either.

We're not using a "real" caterer, we're asking one of my bridesmates' moms to make the food for us. She's made buffet style food for Quinceaneras before many times and I think a buffet is the best option for a wedding so people can just pick out the things they want. This is something I wont negotiate on because I haven't been to a lot of weddings, but the last one I went to served us cold chicken breast with some weird white gravy and I didn't eat a single thing all night since I can't eat cold meat thats supposed to be hot and I don't like cake. After that, and seeing that my brother didn't eat either, I realized I can't do that to people. We're having a hot chocolate bar with coffee, lemonade, soda, beer, wine, water and iced tea. I only drink soda so I need to have it.

As for stress, you could possibly run kind of like a "trial." Maybe not cook that much food because it would be a waste without the guests, but have him pretend its really the day he's going to cook and take it step by step. That way if it ends up being a nightmare you can still hire a caterer and he'll see for himself he can't handle it. Or maybe it will end up fine but he'll realize he needs more pans or spices so he'll be better prepared for the day! Just a suggestion.

View Quoted Comment That's a really good suggestion! I know he would be capable since he works in a fast-paced kitchen and will often have days of just prep and making soups and bread and stuff like that but that's a great idea! Thank you!!!

View Quoted Comment A full kitchen doesn't necessarily mean self catering is allowed. My venue has one as well, but self catering is not allowed. The full kitchen is present for the license caterer to use.

Who will be serving the food? Who will be monitoring the buffet (I assume you're doing buffet) to make sure things are at the proper temperature? Who will be refilling dishes as needed? Who will be cooking in the back to be sure the dishes are able to be refilled as needed? Who will be making sure the buffet area stays clean? Is FH planning on doing this and not enjoying his wedding day? How will you be storing all of the sides you make the day before? Do you really want to serve your guests day old sides (or more, since your FH will actually be busy doing the meat the day before)?

Catering for 80 people is not Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. Being manager of a restaurant and working in one is very different from actually cooking in one. Cooking in a restaurant is very different from cooking on your wedding day. My dad is a chef and I wouldnt imagine having him working on my wedding day and missing such once in a life time moments. I can't imagine my FH insisting on cooking on our wedding day. I want his full attention to be focussed on the memories we will be making. There will be no way to avoid 100% of the stress of cooking for 80 people. There are very inexpensive options out there for catering that will save you a lot of time and trouble on your wedding day.

View Quoted Comment Well we're going to have the ceremony at sunset so we have the entire morning to do day of cooking. There is a large fridge and freezer in the beach house we will be using as well. We're going to have it as self-serve and the plates are plastic from Costco. He works in a fast-paced restaurant now and they are letting him use their buffet items so we will have heated dishes. I tried earlier today to see if we could have a caterer for a dish or two and got completely shut down. Totally sucks but I know him well enough to know he won't back down from this until it's too late. It's just his personality. :/

Since you seem to be set on this (or at least your FH is), take the money you're "saving" by not hiring a real caterer and invest in an insurance policy. Regardless of what you think, family can and will sue when (not if, WHEN) someone has a bad reaction to the barbecued chicken (really, poultry is not your best option here, except financially, and only maybe at that) that one of his buddies didn't quite check the temp on, and ends up with salmonella and thousands of dollars in hospital bills, not to mention lost wages for being out of work and in the hospital.
Please re-think this. No one, not the groom, not his friends, not your family, should be WORKING on your wedding day. They are GUESTS, NOT EMPLOYEES.

View Quoted Comment Let him do it then. If he's set on this being his contribution to the wedding, then support him. My sister has catered a couple of friends' weddings and is doing the same for me. I just check in with her periodically to see how her stress levels are but she's pretty pumped.

View Quoted Comment I thought most catered food is made ahead of time anyway. All I want to add is that maybe this is how the OP's FH plans to enjoy his day. Some people like to serve others when they host and I think that's ok. And there are many different ways to make memories at weddings. This way is not typical, but it will be memorable.

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That’s why people do tastings with their caterer. Our venue is one of the top rated in our area for food. This was important to us. We did tastings, but also a few people I know have actually been to other events at our venue and raves about the food.

You do tastings and choose what you like and what you think most guests will... not just randomly pick things.