Not close to my sister...do you regret not having family in the wedding?

I don't have any siblings nor have I been in your situation, but you need to stand your ground. My family is pressuring me to have ALL of my cousins in my bridal party and it's just not going to happen. Tell her you don't feel it's a good idea, it's not something you want and that's the end of it. It's more complicated if your parents are offering any financial help with your wedding, but if it's between you and your FH (and even if it's not, try), stand your ground.

Hell no!! I love my sister but she is very annoying. She's also unorganized and is a serious procrastinator.

Stand your ground. Good luck

My original plan was to have my brothers be ushers, and due to circumstances beyond my control (Dad passed away ) they escorted me down the aisle. I chose to have both of them to avoid drama, now I wish I only had 1 of them do it (oldest, he is my neighbor and we are very close). The other is being a asshole over Dad's estate and basically on the outs with the entire family. I am sure in time it will blow over, but he is in a lot of my pictures from the wedding! UGH

Thanks everyone. I can just see if causing a lot of nightmares and headaches if I do end up asking her. I don't think I will be. My parents aren't contributing that much financially other than buying my dress so I don't think she will have a huge fit...she knows we don't get a long, so I don't think she will push the issue.

Mrjonesandme, Learn from other brides who caved and had someone in their BP who they knew would be a problem be just that. Your mother means well, but you have to look at the whole picture here.

I have a whole before I plan on asking my BMs to be in the wedding but I'm in the same boat. I have 4 sisters, 1 brother. Idk if I want to deal with having to ask one of my sisters. On one end I don't want her to feel left out but I know she'll just be obnoxious and make everything a scene. She also has been the only of my siblings or family to say disrespectful shit about our relationship. So I'm waiting since she might barely be around the family this time next year. Stand your ground and good luck. Hopefully there isnt a negative update from you about it either way

I was in the same boat you are in. My sister and I are more like oil and water! She lives in a different state than I do now and it's better for both of us, I maybe see her 1 a year. When I started thinking about who I wanted in our wedding I instantly went to my friends since they are the ones I spend most of my time with, they are like family! Since my mom, dad, and brother have all passed away I knew in a heartbeat I wanted my Grandma to walk me down the aisle. March 31 marked the anniversary of my mom's death. It was at that time that I started to have thoughts that my sister is the only family I have left regardless of how much we do or don't agree on things in life. God gave her to me for a reason and only he knows what that reason is. I don't know if memories of my mom started to skew my thinking or what happened but I somehow felt that she should be in my wedding as well simply because she is all the immediate family I have left. I talked to my Grandma and told her how I was feeling. My sister and my Grandma will be walking me down the aisle next month. When I asked my sister she began to cry. My hopes are that by including her in our special day perhaps she will see the light and change her way or at least look at things a little differently. In the end, it's your wedding. Do as you choose. Just remember that God gives us our family members for a reason, if we shut them out we may never know the reason (even if they may embarrass us). I'm not saying she has to be a BM, maybe there is something else you can have her do. Maybe she could do a reading or be a greeter at the guest book? In the end the decision is yours and you have to live with it either way. Best wishes to you with your decision and may you have a very happy dream come true wedding!

When I started planning and thinking about who should be in my wedding I decided I only wanted my BFF and my little sister. I was not going to entertain the unpredictable behavior/attitude of my older sister. So I told my mom that and she said you can't have one sister without the other. Back story: my two sisters have different mothers. So my youngest sister who I'm closer with even though we didn't grow up in the same house have more of a connection. My older sister has been know through the years to be nasty, physical or just a no show depending on her mood. I told my mom I didn't need that level of stress around my wedding. I would be concerned the entire time about how she would behave especially since our stepmother (who I'm also close with) would be there front and center along with my mom. She hates my stepmother so in or out of the BP that's still a concern. She has a problem with not telling/updating me on her decisions when I invite her to things. Latest example, I invited all the siblings out on Saturday to take our mom to dinner along with FH's family. I didn't ask for money as I was covering the bill. It was time to leave and she said oh I'm not going I told mom. I was in the house for 8 hours and not a peep to me about not coming. I told my mom this is now the second time I've invited her to something and instead of telling me, the person who invited her, she tells my mom so she can relay the message, which puts her in a akward spot because she knows it pisses me off. Sorry for the long post but seriously stick to what you want and don't include her. There is nothing that says you have to.

Don't feel an obligation to have anyone in your wedding, no matter what their relation is. If you are closer to your friends, choose them. There are tons of posts around here referencing BM drama, and many of them center around a sibling that the bride felt forced to include.

That being said... you need to wait a good long while to officially pick BMs. You are over a year out, and things can change. See previous reference to posts about BM drama.

I think your bridal party should be the people who are the closest to you, not some conglomeration of family and friends picked out of obligation. That being said, I think you should invite her. That's a decision you can't un-make....

But you do have time. Do it after Christmas. Things can, and do change.

I have no siblings, but FH has 4 - one older brother and three older sisters. He only wants, and is only having his brother in the wedding. While he is closer with all of his siblings than it sounds like you are with your sister, he still isn't that close with them when compared to a lot of other people I know. Have the people that mean something to you, not the ones you feel obligated to have.

Thanks everyone. I think hearing everyone's opinions only cemented the feeling in my mind that she will not be in my bridal party. She is so dramatic that my decision on that will probably put her over the edge and in her protest she will decide not to come at all....it's a win/win for me.

@babs...God gave her to me to punish me for something I did in another life. That is the only way to describe what she is like. Once my parents are gone there will be absolutely no reason for us to see each other/keep contact and that will be the only silver lining to losing my mom.

Sorry you feel that way.

My FSI is the exact same way. I decided to not have her in my bridal party, and I do not regret it. I needed to have ladies who could be consistent and there for me. Honestly, I knew she would cause a lot of drama, and planning a wedding itself can be pretty stressful. FH supported me in my decision, which made it a lot easier. Don't feel like it's mandatory to have her in your bridal party, because it is not. It should be those closest to you. Maybe have her help out with the wedding in other ways. Maybe have her do a reading at the ceremony, or have her help with some of the planning one way or another.

I have 2 sisters and neither one are in my wedding. My two BFF's are in and my brother is walking me down the aisle (father passed away). I don't regret it. I asked one if she could help coordinate the coordinator and the other one helped me with picking out the dress. She ended up buying me the dress because dad had bought her dress. Both sisters are ok with not being in the wedding yet they are participating and helping me.

My husband and sister in law did not really get a long before we got married so I was surprised when he asked if she could be one of my brides maid. Seeing that I didn't have a problem with her, I said yes. BIG MISTAKE. My husband and sister in law got into a HUGE fight the day of my bridal shower. I could hear her yelling at him through the phone even though I was inside the house. She went back home to pick up and drop off my mother in law and aunts but never came back to my shower. My mother in law and aunts had to leave early because of the situation. Leading up to our wedding, I was worried that there would be another situation like this either before or during our wedding. Thankfully nothing happened during our wedding and I'm closer to her now (though my husband and her are not). If I had to do it all over again, I probably wouldn't have accepted if I knew how bad her attitude could get. With that being said, I don't want you to experience what I went through. I actually cried and it put a damper on things afterwards. It's YOUR day, do what you think is best and don't let anyone guilt trip you!

I have five siblings, my FH also has five siblings. His brother is going to be his best man, but none of my siblings are standing with us. My oldest brother is walking me down the aisle, one brother is giving a speech, the last brother is doing a dance with me (like a daddy/daughter dance, but my father passed away). I haven't figured out what my sisters are going to do, but they sure as hell will NOT be standing with me. They are much older then me and we were never super close. My cousin is my MoH and her and I were more like sisters growing up.

Only one of my sisters is being a brat about it... and I knew she would be. She is the exact opposite of me in every way. Super blinged out, high strung, can't leave the house without full makeup and hair whereas I won't be wearing makeup on our wedding day (I never do), will probably be barefoot, and will be camping out. It would have been weirder to have her in the wedding party...

I have a sister that I'm not even inviting to our wedding. I haven't spoken to her in 15 years (long story). I'm not losing any sleep about her not coming.

Your wedding party should be about you and who you want there all day with you.

I just need to throw this story out there though, one of my good friends had a rocky relationship with her older sister because the sister had issues with drugs(been in and out of jail) and they also just didn't get along. my Friend had her sister in her wedding party because she wanted to make her mom happy and part of her did want her sister to be involved (as a BM not MOH).

just over 2 years after my friends wedding her sister passed away suddenly/unexpectedly. i think that now she is happy that she has the pictures and memories of that day with her sister. And if she hadn't had her sister in the wedding party i think that she would have regretted it. if your sister was taken from you suddenly would you regret not having her there with you that day?

i think it all depends on your relationship with your sister, wait till it gets closer to the wedding to ask her. things may change from now to when you ladies need to get BM dresses.