Not Bridesmaid/feelings hurt post

I would not say anything if I was in your shoes. There is no way to bring it up that won’t be awkward and potentially create tension in the existing friendship. Your feelings are valid but you also have to consider that your lives are not together on the same path. I’ve had similar friendships where you are a part of their lives for awhile and then distant and back and forth. In the long run, they are not strong or long lasting because they are not nurtured to be consistent. At the same time, a lot of women equate the value of their friendship to being a bridesmaid. Essentially if you are not asked to be a bridesmaid then you aren’t their friend at all. That is simply not true because those things are unrelated. Many women don’t enjoy being a bridesmaid, which is a taboo idea on WW. While some brides ask completely random people whom they barely know or have any connection with, purely out of obligation, others choose only the current innermost social circle of supportive people in their lives. It sounds like this woman has done the second because she is closer to them at this point in her life. Being invited as a guest is a huge honor, that many take for granted and don’t see it as special, and you were selected over someone else to attend to witness the ceremony and celebrate at the reception. Does that equate to a consolation prize? For many it really is not. Hopefully you can work past this hurt and some things don’t have an answer.

I just think it’s something to accept and she may have her reasons. I am not including someone I was friends with for 15 years. We’ve traveled all over the US and all over Europe together and done SO many things together. Our friendship is just not what it used to be. But she’s invited to the wedding and I’d be really sad if she couldn’t make it. She’s also in the military and I couldn’t afford signing a contract for hair/ makeup, buying her jewelry etc and losing hundreds of dollars if something happened and she couldn’t come bc of being in the military


All this to say, you don’t know the reason why she has made this choice

I would not say anything. If you did, there's the potential to ruin the entire friendship. Just because you are her bridesmaid doesn't mean she doesn't consider you her friend.

Your feelings are valid. Is there a reason why she would assume you would t be able to be a bridesmaid? If there are no other reason this just indicates where she currently values your friendship and how close she currently views you guys. I wouldn’t mention it. With such a long friendship and so many close moments I would think she would at least talk to you about why she didn’t ask you. Oh well just attend and be a gracious guest if you want and live your life. It’s not worth bringing up.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for responding ❤️

You mention a lot of ways that she’s been there for you. (Funerals, births, posting about your children) is it possible she feels that it isn’t as well reciprocated by you? What have you done over the years to support her or celebrate her life milestones (rhetorical question I don’t actually expect an answer). Sometimes we lose sight of how others in our relationships may be viewing it differently than we do.

Things change and people grow. Sometimes they grow away from people that have previously been close. I wouldn’t think it’s anything against you, but I understand how that can be hurtful.

It’s an honour to be asked to be a guest. I don’t think I would raise the issue with the bride, because what is to be gained? I think it would only end up awkward.

View Quoted Comment This is an interesting way to look at it. Thank you for your perspective and response

I am not having my two best friends in my wedding and opted to have my sister as my only bridesmaid/MOH. I came to this decision because being a bridesmaid is a job! I want my friends to be guests and have fun at the wedding and not feel like they have "duties"!

Neither of them have asked me why I didn't pick them and I appreciate that because it's not like the conversation would change my decision and it would just be an awkward talk to have for no reason.

I'm sure your friend has valid reasons