Heather
Expert April 2020

Not Agreeing on Anything (or that's how it feels)

Heather, on May 10, 2019 at 9:24 AM

Posted in Planning 22

What do you do when you feel like you and your FS don't agree on most things wedding? I understand compromise and giving in. I have actually done that on several things - like given in on half or more than half so far. I figured this wedding planning would be an absolute breeze, especially a year...

What do you do when you feel like you and your FS don't agree on most things wedding? I understand compromise and giving in. I have actually done that on several things - like given in on half or more than half so far.

I figured this wedding planning would be an absolute breeze, especially a year out. FH never wanted a wedding in the first place, so I figured I would just ask him his thoughts on things just so there isn't anything he hates at the wedding. We agreed on SO MUCH in the beginning and now he keeps changing his mind on every last thing we both agreed on and were happy with. He is also extremely stubborn and hard-headed. I feel like he is wanting everything his way instead of ours.

Yes we are going to do premarital counseling, we are waiting a few more months. He is also reluctant to do that as well.

Anyone have advice on how to get him to compromise with me? I honestly feel like my wants aren't a lot to ask for especially compared to his. I want him to get through his think skull that this is OUR wedding, not just his, not just mine, and certainly NOT his family's.

22 Comments

  • Heather
    Expert April 2020
    Heather ·
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    I like that approach, but what if he doesn't see any of my reasons as more rational, important, and supported? I feel like sometimes he only sees his opinions and reasons as rational and important.

    I feel the same way about the alcohol, I wanted just wine, beer, and champagne, and he wanted an open bar. His parents offered to buy the alcohol (because maybe 5 of my guests drink compared to his side of the guest list), so I am okay with the open (or I guess I'd say semi-open) bar as long as there aren't more than a certain number of liquors and that our bartenders know when to stop serving someone. I don't want anyone to get too drunk either.

    I'm definitely trying to focus on my exam, it's just hard when he decides to randomly bring up wedding stuff when he clearly sees me studying.

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  • Iva
    Super September 2019
    Iva ·
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    For us, we are both rational people, so if one of us has 5 rational reasons supported in detail & the other one has: “well I prefer it this way because it’s just better” - which is obviously not a rational or supported argument lol, to us it’s clear whose argument stands.

    When we discuss like this, we both quickly realize when something is really not that important to one of us. For ex, I really don’t care what food or what type of wine we will have lol so I’m fine with him deciding. Same way, he really doesn’t know anything about flowers, arrangements or cost, so I make those decisions. For honeymoon, we both care equally, so we each gave our 3 must-haves & then we’re picking honeymoon that fits both of ours must-haves. This works really well for us!

    If your FH will just be irrational & stubborn, then you really need couples counseling, which can do wonders!

    Good luck with the exam 🙂
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