Not a bridesmaid but still expected to do the work

Yes, even if you were a BM, that's very presumptuous of her.

Nope you're not wrong. NONE of those are even expected or mandatory for a MOH to BM to do!! She's using you as free labor and props. Completely unacceptable.

Nobody should be doing the work at a wedding other than the professionals paid to do that. You should feel free to turn all of these down.

Your friend is in bridezilla territory .

You have every right to feel that way! I had the opposite problem... my SISTER asked

me to be her MOH and after I accepted she did not include me in anything! I was and am still very offened!

Your friend is outta control!!!

Um. No. You're not wrong to feel offended. She needs to get a grip.

Remind her that DIY projects are "do it yourself" - as in her FH and herself. She also doesn't get to ask people to organize and throw parties for her.

Thanks everyone. I like planning parties usually. Besides, I feel like bridal showers are kinda awkward anyway - you're relying on the bride for the guest list & registry and whatnot so that doesn't bother me outright. The rest, though....

Any advice for how to discuss this? We've been friends a long time and I don't want some dumb fight over her wedding to end the friendship, but I don't know how to say no to these requests politely.

Tell her how you feel. I would be offended as well. She is using you. It would be different if you offered to do that stuff. Demanding it while saying it is too much work to organize a bridal party implies that it is ok for you to do work but not her.

It is up to her how she takes it and whether the friendship survives. Focus on how it makes you feel. Tell her that telling you to organize a bridal shower and bachelorette party while simultaneously saying that it is too much work to organize a bridal party makes you feel used and unappreciated.

ETA: word choice

@caitlyn you're offended your sister didn't ASK for your help..??

As a bride who doesn't ask for people's help, I don't get why you would be offended. You can tell her you want to be more involved. I figured no one will be as excited for my wedding as FH and I are and we can plan on our own.

"Demanding it while saying it is too much work to organize a bridal party implies that it is ok for you to do work but not her."

"telling you to organize a bridal shower and bachelorette party while simultaneously saying that it is too much work to organize a bridal party makes you feel used and unappreciated"

Thanks a million, Rosered. This really boils down what upset me.

I would just say you don't have the money to spend on everything she has planned. You would love to get ready with her the day of, and pose in some group shots, but you don't have the money to throw a shower and bachelorette. I would even add in that you put aside enough money for these activities to attend as a guest, but not to host.

I would literally say "I'm not able to do that". End of story. Don't give excuses, just say no.

So she wants all the fun that comes w a bridal party without the expense or possible headaches. Sorry, but she can't have her cake and eat it too!

I would just say, no thanks, and walk away. I barely did any DIY for my own wedding. There's no way I'm doing it for somebody else's wedding. I also am LMAO at the optional hair and makeup. Of course it's optional. You're a guest. She has literally no say on how you do your hair or makeup for the day. You could show with your hair in a mohawk and magic marker on your face if you wanted.

Your friend would get none of those duties from me. I am having one girl stand next to me on my day. I'm not having a shower, engagement dinner, bachelorette party, etc. I told her just to show up on the day of the wedding with whatever dress she wanted to wear.

Yes, you should be offended. This is rude as hell. She doesn't want bridesmaids but wants you to do things as if you are bridesmaids? Very odd she thinks it's too much work to organize a bridal party but she's organized enough to assign you all tasks she wants you to complete. I'd tell her I don't have time to do X ...

Dang, that is so rude!!! I *have* bridesmaids and I'm not asking them to do anything at all!