Non-Traditional Ceremony Ideas

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I come to Wedding Wire to ask for advice and give my own feedback as well. 99% of the responses on my post have been negative regarding MY choice. To each their own, but the negative comments were not warranted. It's no one else's place to tell another bride how to plan her wedding and I'm not exempt from that either.

As someone who has been body shamed before, it's fucking insulting that you even compared the two MrsMiller. Not even fucking close.

Nothing is being shamed here. Do you want other women to tell you your skirt is tucked into your underwear before you walk out into the crowded restaurant or do you want to live with the embarrassment? We're the people that won't let you make an ass of yourself without at least warning you of the risks first.

But that ship already kind of sailed since you think "wedding shaming" is at all on par with body shaming.

Usually I am all for professionals. However it the case of officiants,I'm sorry but it can be done and done amazingly. It depends on the person you are choosing. We don't know of how good or bad a person will be. Yes there will be bad stories but there are also great success stories. And no one gets food poisoning from a friend officiant. FHS brother got ordained to marry us. It's important to FH so we are doing it. He is a poet and does poetry competitions so he knows how to speak in front of groups and how to speak well. I got a sample ceremony from universal life Church website and did lots of pinteresting and googling. I moved parts around. Got rid of some things. Added others. But it's not random stuff squished together to take up space. I took weeks changing things until they are how I like them. I sent him a rough draft at one point and he made more suggestions. Finally I can say that it's done and I'm proud of it. I have full trust in him to get through it.

He is going to do a welcome, some words about what we are doing, what marriage is, we declare our intent, we say vows, we exchange rings, we are doing a family sand ceremony with our 3 kids, we kiss. I'm thinking it will be about 20-30 min but I haven't timed it yet

Katie, do you or your FH have any favorite poems, passages from books, or quotes on love?

My FH and I started dating after fifteen years of friendship. I had just put down a book and gotten on Facebook to discover my old friend had posted a quote from that same book about relationships. We started talking about the book that night and from there we got together and built a life together. That quote will be in our ceremony but beyond that I don't know what else we will include. We are writing our own vows.

We are also having a non-religious ceremony and my FH's best friend is marrying us. They have known each other since they were 5 and married his brother in one of the most touching ceremonies I have seen. He really went the extra mile making the ceremony about them and he is doing the same for us. It's not someone who we have met for an hour, he is someone who knew us in high school, college, throughout our friendship, who has been there for all the big moments of my FH's life and many of mine. If he slips something up, or pauses too much I really don't care and am willing to take that risk.

Sasswood - I have a lot of respect for you, and what you've been through on here. It's horrible that someone singled you out that way. However you have no idea what my background and experiences are either, so please don't assume. I apologize if you think my wording was offensive, it was not my intent. Scratch that, it's rude. I sincerely apologize that my wording offended you. I absolutely did not mean it, and would never want to hurt you.

I do not think it is the place of any bride to tell another that's she's doing something wrong with her wedding. If you don't agree, fine. Why are you flat out telling someone their choice is wrong? This is not a breech of etiquette, nor is it putting a guest at risk.

I really wanted to be a part of this community but I can't agree with the way many of the people here choose to express their opinions and feelings. I don't think that you would choose to say these things to someone in person.

So me and my wedding that's being officiated by a friend, where my bridal party is helping me with projects to get ready, and I have a friend acting as a day of coordinator are going to go back to our corner where everything is rainbows and unicorns.

You're all going to have beautiful, sweet, romantic and stunning weddings. No sarcasm, I mean it. Maybe I'll lurk so I can see your BAMs.

Please excuse any typos.

We recently went to a wedding where the officiant talked for less than 5 minutes, and married them at the end. In between, the bride and groom addresses the attendees. They told the stories of when they first saw each other, first dates, how they solve conflicts between themselves, how they approach their relationship and will approach their marriage. Not a dry eye in the house. It was very sweet and touching hearing them go back and forth and talk about their grocery list they've made together and so many other things . One of those weddings that make you think "dear God... How will I compare?!"

Mrs. Miller, I could not agree more! There is constant "wedding shaming" on this forum and while it's everywhere, it seems worst here. Some poor soul posted about Honeyfund and the comments were so brutal. I just find it so ridiculous. I prefer to find honeymoon fund requests on invites that I receive because I don't have to take the time to go find a gift, pay for the wrapping, etc. To each their own, but the mean girls mentality is just too much.

I would definitely look on Pinterest if you haven't already they have really cool ideas. My moms friend got married a couple years ago, it was a pretty small wedding, anyways she had a couple of girls come up (including my mom) and just thank them for their support and how she appreciated all that they did to help her etc etc. it was really sweet

Be careful with hiring friends. We hired a friend of my fh and 2 months ago he tells my my fh his sister is getting married on the same day we are. We had asked him to officiate our wedding maybe a month after we got engaged. So over a year and 3 months. We had to scramble to find a new one in time.

@Katie: I am also having a non-traditional, non-religious ceremony. I was also worried the ceremony was going to be too short, so we picked to also have a unity sand ceremony. I love that it allows us to have a keepsake from the ceremony. we'll have the following read during it.

"Now we shall celebrate Bride and Groom's union as it is symbolized through the pouring of two individual containers of sand. One represents Groom (he/she pours a portion of her/his sand in vase) and all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be.

The other represents Bride (she/he pours a portion of her sand on top) and all that you were and all that you are, and all that you will ever be.

As the two vials of sand are poured into the third keepsake vase, (together they pour their remaining sand in the central vase) the individual containers of sand will no longer exist, as they are now joined together as one. Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual vases, so will the love and bond between the two of you render you inseparable."

Hope this helps and you get some good ideas!

So......you'd rather that everyone's comments are along the lines of, "That's a fabulous idea! You do you! It's your wedding! Go for it!'

Sorry. That's not helping anyone. And isn't that the point? Or is it just to get a pat on the back for being so 'original' and creative and saving money by having a friendor?

Elphaba responded quite the way I expected; thoughtful, intentional and logical, just like she is, and I have a lot of respect for that.

Mrs. Miller? There are things that are just wrong. Self catering, dry weddings, cash bars, and yes,....most friendors officiating. The thing with the last? No one will tell you it sucked. Ever. Because they love you and your cousin too much to even suggest it.

My partner is on his way right now to cover for someone's friend who cancelled last night. And that happens on a weekly basis.

@mrsmiller you are not alone in your feelings. I could not agree with you more.

But yet- you still stay and comment?

If it's that offensive to you- why do you stay?

I don't know why newbs suddenly think that the internet is not like the real world. Different people from different areas from different backgrounds with different ideas of weddings.

If you can't accept that, head over to Weddingbee where it's sunshine and teletubbies.

Whatever you choose to do, please do NOT include live animals as someone mentioned-butterfly releases, doves, etc. The butterflies are frozen, most don't survive. Doves will likely have similar fate within a few hours or days.

Unless you have your dog as ringbearer or something similar-that's legit cool

We are also doing a non-religious ceremony. We're still working on it for sure (and open to ideas!) but so far, we have taken an approach sort of similar to @Elphaba, in that we have chosen passages from works of literature. We would like to appoint friends and family members to come up and read, much like what is done when there are religious readings at more "traditional" ceremonies.

We had a really, really lovely morning sitting on our front porch, sipping coffee, and reading passages from literature to each other, imagining how they will sound in our ceremony. Even if we don't use a single one, I'll always treasure that memory with FH

Ceremonies with with friends/family officiating are always my favorite. My cousin is marrying us. A stranger just seems wrong to us and those are usually the ceremonies I don't remember as well.

Include some quotes from movies/shows/literature that you both love. Maybe try to include some traditional symbolic gestures. Good luck!

Just jumping in to say that we tell people to hire pros because in 6 months (or whenever your wedding is) we ALWAYS get people that come back and complain about their wedding because they didn't hire a pro. The most recent officiant one was the dad being the officiant. He (behind the bride and groom's back) made the ceremony into women being submissive towards the husband and added a bunch of religious things that the couple did not want.

@OP I'm not telling you that your ideas are bad or you're doing things wrong. I'm just saying, think about it a little bit more.