Non-Traditional Ceremony Ideas

Are you writing your own vows?

Eta: we will be writing our own vows and possibly doing some form of the ring warming ceremony.

He has not officiated before, but he's in Sales and does a lot of public speaking (comfortable speaking in large groups). It was a no-brainer for us to pick him when we got engaged.

We had a friend officiate and our ceremony lasted 15 minutes. We wrote our own vows and had a friend do a reading. It was the perfect amount of time.

A professional can definitely help you with this. This is exactly why you hire a professional officiant.

Our officiant had lots of script ideas and suggestions. We included hand ceremony, ring warming and two readings-an ee cummings poem and our friend wrote us an original poem as a surprise (best poem ever and so unique and personal . Our ceremony lasted about 20-25 minutes which was perfect.

Some other ideas we considered-oathing stone, wine ceremony, love letter box, hand fasting.

@Spazzy thank you for the advice. However, this post was regarding ideas for my ceremony, not my choice in officiant.

You could do some type of "binding" activity...like you each pour wine into a wine glass or pour sand into a glass...lots of ideas on Pinterest.

Having custom vows is always cute. FH and I went to a wedding last year, and the couple were super geeky (in a cute way). The officiant began with "Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday" (quote from The Princess Bride). Their vows included things like "I will not hold it against you when you are hangry."

I think Spazzy's advice on your ceremony was dead on.

Hire a professional.

I've been to three weddings where a friend officiated and all were excellent, and one with a professional who took three hours to get through the rehearsal then the day of forgot to say they may kiss. Another with a professional that was fine but not very personal. It can go either way.

As for actual vows, I'm pretty stuck on this but I think I'm going to ask mine to just be fairly traditional because I like the idea that generations of family before me all said essentially the same words.

Please hire a pro. My venues hate friendors because the ceremonies are too short, too disorganized and have no focus. The officiant has no idea how to even get a processional together, and god forbid something goes wacky. My clerks offices hate them because half the time the paperwork is screwed up and needs to be redone. Being in sales no more qualified him to marry you than having a lot of dental work qualifies him to do a root canal.

A REAL pro knows how to create an atmosphere, how to tell your love story, how to build to the climax, which is, of course, the pronouncement. They won't squish together misc crap from online sites to take up space.

Elphaba, you know I love you and I respect you from reading your posts here, but respectfully. what does that ceremony have to do with you and your fiance? Do you think in that language? Do your talk in that language? Does that ceremony express you and your personalities to your guests? I'm not putting you on the spot, because you can just ignore me, but I know you have a small ceremony, and that audience loves you. They need to hear a ceremony that speaks in Elphaba, not in some strange tongue.

Listen, there are lot of terrible officiants out there, officiants who have four hours more experience than your best friend. Which is why you ask your venue, your other vendors, your friends who are married. You find someone with the confidence to bring the first part of the ceremony to life in a joyous, exciting way.

We a had non-religious, non traditional ceremony as well. While I agree with the "hiring a professional" bit, mainly because they have done that a whole bunch of times and can assist.. you can find a ton of cool things online. Here's how our non-traditional ceremony went (it was about 25 minutes)...

Officiant was up at the front and my husband was escorted in on both arms by his parents, followed by grandparents and then our MOH/BM. Then my dad walked me in, and we had a live classical guitarist playing "you're my best friend" by Queen--(music is so imporant!! ). I love the idea of non traditional music as it sets the tone right away.

Our officiant gave a small talk about what weddings meant and then based on a 1 hour meeting we had with her and questions she asked us, she literally told the story of us in a way I had never heard it. Very personal, funny.. honestly awesome.. These people are pros for a reason!

Throughout the ceremony, there were two readings.. We had two close friends do this. Obviously that takes a moment for them to get up, do their reading, sit back down.

I was personally nervous about public speaking, so instead of free forming our own vows, we wrote them, the officiant fed us the line (like a standard wedding ceremony) and repeated them back. People commented on our vows after, which I thought was so cool!

Then, we walked back down the aisle together. I think the less than traditional approach and verbiage is always refreshing because people feel like they haven't heard it before.. ya know? They are attentive and looking forward to what people will say.

If through all this, you feel like you need more time.. There are some cool non-religious traditions too.. There is one with a wine bottle "first fight box". My brother and sister in law actually had the Mom's come up and nail it shut for them. I've heard people do things with releasing butterflies. I've heard of a tradition with sand in which you each have a vile of different colored sand and you pour them in a container at the same time.

Good luck!!

I would never refer to a wine box as a 'first fight box'.

I mean, I didn't make it up... lol... that's just what some people call it.. The intention of my post was to share ideas not to name rituals... Here's why some people refer to it as that:

Let’s face it: You’re going to fight. In fact, it can be healthy to fight. But there may be a time when you need to remind yourself why you fell in love your husband-to-be in the first place.

Enter the Fight Box.

Before your big day, gather a wooden box, a bottle of wine (or the alcohol of your choice), and two glasses. Write love notes to each other, explaining your feelings as you prepare to start your new life together as husband and wife. Seal your letter without letting your soon-to-be read what you’ve written.

During the ceremony, place the love notes inside the wooden box with the wine and glasses. Take turns hammering the box shut, one nail at a time, until the box is sealed.

Agree to keep the box sealed until a special anniversary, like your 10th or 20th, unless you hit a rough patch. Then, break open the box, pour the wine, read the letters, and remember what it’s all about!

I'm doing the wine box and we are calling it a wine box ceremony and not a first fight box. We are opening it on our 5th anniversary and going to enjoy the wine and reading the letters we wrote each other.

Lol sales = professional who can marry you. Yes. Those things are exactly the same.

Yikes. But he's never officiated before? That's like hiring someone who's never shot weddings before. I wouldn't take a chance on the most important vendor of the day. Can't take the day back. Please reconsider.

You guys know how body shaming is bad? So is wedding shaming. I really wish advice could be offered in a kind way instead of telling someone what they're doing with their wedding is wrong.

People choose to have friends officiate, it's super common these days. Let's stop with the comments that drag down another brides plans.

Mrs Miller I can't even that you just fucking said 'wedding shaming'. You're joking right?

No I'm not. People come here to ask for advice and I constantly see negative comments. You think you're "being honest and telling it like it is" and it's just bullshit. A wedding is the most personal day of someone's life and you're sitting here telling them they're doing it wrong. I would never consider doing a lot of the things I see people on here talking about. But that's totally ok. You make your choices, I'll make mine. OP here is asking a very specific question and half the responses aren't addressing it, they're just telling her she's making a bad choice for her wedding.