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Super October 2020

Non communicating bridesmaid

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Emma, on July 28, 2020 at 11:02 AM

Posted in Planning 24

So one of my bridesmaids have not been communicating anything about the wedding. My MOH asked her if she’d like to help with the shower, bi response. I tried to ask her about her dress in May, no response. I am letting my girls pick their dresses from azazie. As of today it says delivery time would be September 1st-6th. My wedding is October 3rd. All my other bridesmaids have either ordered their dress or are ordering this weekend after pay day. I sent the non communicating bridesmaid this message

“ Hey *****! I wanted to see if you had chosen a dress for the wedding yet? I know if you were to ordered a dress today it’d be here by September 5th so the timeline is getting pretty close to the wedding date.

Now the sad news. I also wanted to let you know that with covid things are kinda up in the air. As of now our venue has said that we should be okay because we are at their half capacity limit but There’s always a uncertain fact that we might have to cut the wedding down to just my family if things don’t get better by October. That being said, if you don’t feel comfortable being a bridesmaids or don’t want to buy a dress that you might not end up actually wearing, Id understand! Obviously you’d still be invited to the wedding if things still go as planned! 💕💕”

I told all my bridesmaids that last part about if they aren’t comfortable I’d understand. I sent this message 3 days ago. I know she has read it but still no response. My MOH basically said don’t say anything else till about a week before it’d be to late to order the dress and if she doesn’t have the dress she will just have to be a guest and not a bridesmaid. I don’t know what to do at this point. Any advice?

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24 Comments

Expert October 2020
Kimberly · on July 28, 2020 at 2:59 PM
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She has been avoiding talking about this since May. I say you gave her plenty of time and patience and now it’s getting close to crunch time. August is in just a few days so your September wedding is super close. This goes back to pps saying to talk to her either face to face or over the phone - text messaging and group chats are sometimes the worst ways to communicate. People can blow off those messages easily or forget to respond or just not have time to focus on responding so that leaves you high and dry feeling ghosted. Talking in person or talking verbally by phone you get the convo done and out of the way. But I hope you don’t feel pressured by me or anyone else to do this if you aren’t comfortable or this isn’t your style. This is definitely the more direct approach so if you aren’t one for confrontation then go with your MOH’s idea and just let it go for now. After the dress deadline if she doesn’t get it ordered/delivered she can come as a guest. This actually happens quite a lot on this forum so it’s not unusual to have straggler procrastinators who put things off until the last minute. I think it’s the part where you said she talks about other things with you but purposefully avoiding any convo related to wedding stuff that got me riled up. Sorry if I made things more confusing for you. It just sounds like this bridesmaid needs to stop bottling up whatever is bothering her, but idk the context so who knows what is really going on.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on July 28, 2020 at 4:27 PM
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I don't think you should push the issue and force her to respond to you now about the wedding. I would if anything try to have a conversation about her and if anything is going on with her, if she's doing okay, etc. You don't need to know this week if she's going to be a bridesmaid or not. She knows the order time; let her be an adult and get the dress on time, or not.
I also think that if your wedding plans change last-minute and you have to dis-invite your bridesmaids, you should pay them back for their bridesmaid dresses.
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Super October 2020
Emma · on July 28, 2020 at 4:35 PM
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I have had those type of conversations with her. That’s the problem. She will talk about everything but the wedding. From what she’s told me she’s doing great and her family is doing good as well.

there’s no way I’d be able to pay them all back. I told all of them the that we might have to change plans and that might mean no bridal party and all of them (except her) have said that they don’t have a problem with it. I told all Of them if they didn’t want to buy a dress they might not get to wear then it’s okay and I totally understand
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Master 0000
Judith · on July 28, 2020 at 8:30 PM
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Your MOH gave good advice. She is an adult. She may get it late and pay rush fees, or buy it used, so bugging her is not called for.
Even in non covidtimes, a shower is something a person volunteers to help plan, or not. If she is not interested, any friend or family can do one, not just wedding party. So those interested may ask someone else to co-host. She may be worried about parties as well as the wedding, and not ready to it yet.
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