No you cant sub out a plus one

I understand the frustration and you’d have every right to have the extra seat only for her husband, but just wondering why does it matter so much to you if she brings her husband or her daughter? Sounds like she really wants to come and she physically won’t be able to get there alone so I feel like it’s reasonable for her to bring her daughter to escort her if her husband can’t make it. How does it affect you at all? It’s still the same number of seats.

View Quoted Comment I get what you are saying, but this lady is this way. She just assumes she can bring her and says it to my mom like its a fact.
If she would have called me personally or told me the situation or even asked if it would be okay then i would have considered it.Also we made it a point to have only people we know and are close with on our day.

View Quoted Comment I understand, it is presumptuous and a bit rude, and she really should have asked. I’m just saying for me personally it doesn’t seem worth the fight with her, since I don’t see it really negatively impacting you in any way. Are you close with her husband?

View Quoted Comment Im not close with her or her husband. Ive know them for years but they are my moms friends

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I agree with Gen. I do see your side in that she should have asked instead of assumed. Benefit of the doubt she may have thought that since two seats were reserved for her family she is replacing one with the other. It sounds like you do not want her there at the wedding. Did your mom request she come? Maybe your mom can mention to her that it would be best to ask you if her daughter can come? I do understand how you feel about this but is it worth the battle?

I personally wouldn't have any issues with someone swapping out one person for another with their plus ones or even with a husband/wife we invited bring their adult kid instead of the other partner that we planned for. No matter what I was prepared for that plus one regardless of who comes as the plus one. Plus if you say you aren't close with either husband or wife then I don't see the problem with the daughter whom you also aren't close with coming. But I think I know what you are dealing with. She seems like she could be one of those people who just does things her way regardless of what others want or whos day it is. And yes it is rude to just assume you can bring someone to a wedding who wasn't really invited. I think I'd try and get your mom to tell her she can't bring her daughter. If she won't then If I was you I'd just lie and say you already took his spot away with the headcount for everything.

View Quoted Comment But so then I don’t understand why it matters if her daughter comes instead. You were ok inviting her husband and you’re not close with him either 🤷🏻‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Were letting my mom invite her friends. She invited them, ive known them for years. The husband and wife. I know them and thats why they are invited. We dont want strangers or randoms at our wedding. Her husband was invited because they are married and thats common courtesy

View Quoted Comment But it’s not a stranger or a random, it’s the daughter of your mom’s friend. I’m just saying your logic for not wanting her daughter there is because you’re only inviting people you are close to, but you said you don’t know her husband well anyway. So I guess I am confused why you have a problem with her daughter there but not her husband.



& It is a common courtesy to invite someone’s spouse, and it’s also a common courtesy to allow a plus one to someone who can’t travel on their own.

I guess I just don’t see how this is a big problem or how it would affect you negatively in any way

I have a friend bringing her elderly mother instead of her husband. I think this is strange but I’m letting it go. I would encourage you to do the same.

I don't think this affects you, nor should this be your hill to die on. If the daughter can't come, the invited guest can't come. Her attitude may be rude, but what she is asking for is not unreasonable.

Do what you want it's your wedding! Best words of advice I was ever given. People wont agree with what you have to say or do, and that's okay. Do what makes you happy.

Having been the daughter of a mom who reached a point in her life where she couldn't drive, I potentially understand where this woman is coming from. Would it have been more polite to ask if she could have her daughter bring her? Yes. But, if this is the norm for her, that someone has to drive her places, she might not have even thought about it. My folks would get invited to family events that they really wanted to attend, the ONLY way they could go was if someone -- usually me -- drove them. I mean there were times I would drive them, drop them off, and then go get lost for a couple hours since they were attending an event I wasn't invited to.... Did I do that? Yes. Was it fun? Not at all. You can of course "stand your ground" and tell her her daughter cannot attend, but that will likely mean your mom's close friend cannot attend, and both your mom's and the friend's feelings may be hurt. As others have said, you already budgeted for her husband to attend, personally, I'd just let it go. One day, you may be in the same circumstance and appreciate similar flexibility/compassion. FWIW we wanted to invite my elderly aunt and uncle to daughter's wedding -- the last surviving of my dad's 8 siblings, but they are in their 80-90's and there is no way they could get here on their own. The ONLY one of my 25+ first cousins that we invited to the wedding was one of their daughters and her husband (who has a long-term health issue and last minute couldn't attend, so she "subbed in" her 20 yr old daughter) specifically so my cousin could drive her parents. We didn't care. God love them, they gave up a Saturday night to get daughter's only great-aunt & -uncle to the wedding. If having her friend attend will make your mom happy, I'd try to make sure it happens. Good luck!

When I first got engaged, my old college roommate was talking about how she didn't have a boyfriend and planned on bringing my other college roommate, who I wasn't inviting because we probably talked a total of 30 minutes over the year we were living together. This was before I even mailed out Save the Dates. The invited roommate also knows a ton of the people that will be attending so it's not like that's an issue. SO I addressed the STD to her only. If she gets a boyfriend before the wedding, of course I'll address the invite accordingly but we're already over our guest capacity and I'm giving you a plus one to invite my other roommate that I barely know or care for. That being said, I don't think this is worth arguing over because you did already send an invitation stating she had two spots available to her. While it is really rude, I wouldn't chance ruining my mom's friendship with this woman over this.

I have almost the same situation. One of my mom's friends husband can come and asked if she could bring her daughter instead since she has to travel. We said sure! Why does it matter? Don't sweat the small things. This will not affect your day.