No wedding date set but bride still wants a bachelorette party

If you are planning/hosting, you set the date. I'm all for accommodating the bride, as she would be the guest of honor, but if a date doesn't work for a host, then it doesn't work. I also would say something about the event being very far away from her potential date and it not feeling like a bachelorette, or something along those lines. Personally, I'm looking forward to night out with my friends because wedding saving doesn't allow for many nights out, so it'll be a special treat. Maybe frame it to her that way as well so she can see the benefit of waiting.

Thank you for the response. The problem is that I spaced on the dates. She asked us if the weekend was good for us and then bought us tickets to the show as our bridesmaid gift. It wasn't till a day later that I realized it was the same weekend I was going to fly back home for my birthday. So It's my fault. And the fact that she already bought the tickets makes it nearly impossible to say we should wait. I want there to be some way out of it for that weekend but it's her favorite band of all time playing and it's their last show of the year. If it wasn't my birthday weekend I'd say lets just do it! But I've never in my life had a big birthday party and 30 is a big deal to me. This girl is basically my sister. We are really very close and I want this whole experience to be magical for her. She was the best maid of honor I could ever ask for at my wedding. But I also feel like there should be a wedding date set first. But with the tickets already bought I don't know what to do.

I think having the actual wedding date first is more important than her bachelorette party. If they want to set an April 2017 date why have the bparty in June 2016. You should suggest her just doing a a girls weekend in Vegas instead of her actual bparty.

Originally I thought you don't need to go.

Yes there should be a date for the wedding. But you already told her yes. And it's a big thing for her. Do you have to celebrate your bday on your actual bday? I had my 30th over last summer. My party wasn't on that weekend but it was still awesome

A bachelorette party without a wedding date being set is ridiculous. Also, a bachelorette party should be planned and hosted by someone other than the bride, not by the bride herself. However, having agreed and let her go ahead and buy the tickets, I don't think you can really back out at this point.

Why does this particular weekend have to be the "bachelorette party"? I understand that she already bought the tickets, but 1) it's so far out from the wedding and 2)she shouldn't have planned or hosted her own bachelorette. Why not call it a girls weekend, explain the momentary mistake, reimburse her or find a replacement for yourself and call it day. Host a proper bachelorette at the proper time aka when there is actually a wedding being planned.

Yeah, you got yourself into this one. You can choose to be pissed and miserable the whole time, or make the best of it. There's nothing special about a big party on your actual birthday that won't be equally special a week or two later! Suck it up, make the weekend fun for yourself and then have an awesome 30th.

Yea she shouldn't be planning and hosting this, that's rude in the first place. But you committed, she bought the tickets, so you're kind of stuck now. If she is such a good friend and past MOH to you, I would just suck it up and have an epic 30th celebration the next weekend. I don't see how you can back out now without really hurting her feelings, even though she's going about it the wrong way.

You are an adult. You have the option to say "no!' This woman doesn't dictate how you're spending your birthday weekend. If you decide to go to Vegas and see a band you hate, during your birthday that your bff didn't remember or care about, that will be your own fault. If she didn't consult you prior to purchasing tickets, you have zero reason to feel guilty for telling her that you have other plans during those days. Even so, you can reimburse her for your ticket. You are a human being, not a doormat - so start acting like a human being with a backbone.

Ugh I know, I'm so mad at myself for agreeing to the tickets without paying closer attention.

As far as my 30th goes it kind of does have to be that weekend, or at least, selfishly, I really want it to be. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for two years and we are finally starting our first round of IVF the week after my birthday! It's been a full year of testing and two full years of tears and heartache over our fertility issues. The weekend before that is my husband's 30th and I am taking him on a surprise vacation. So if I move it earlier it will end up being a month before my birthday and if I move it later I could, hopefully, finally be pregnant. Honestly at the end of the day it's just a birthday so it shou don't be a huge deal but we moved to a new state for my husband's job and I have no friends here so my birthday this year has been really important to me because I was going to get to go back home and spend time with my friends and family. But maybe it's better to just put it off.

All that aside though, I do think it's a bit crazy to do a bachelorette party so far in advance. Maybe a girls weekend in Vegas is a better idea and we can do a bachelorette party later. I'm totally willing to put aside my birthday for her because she really means so much to me.

I hate that I'm even upset about her bachelorette party. I feel so guilty. She's such a good person and has been through some hard times and deserves a weekend of awesomeness. but I do think it's a little much to have a party when there hasn't even been a date set. They haven't done any wedding planning of any kind and they've been engaged for over a year. But the reason it's been so long is because they got pregnant. So they decided to get engaged. But that's a whole other thing I don't need to go into.

(Thank you ladies for taking the time to give me advice. It's really helpful to talk it through and hear other points of view.)

You don't need to justify anything. Say, "hey, I was looking over my schedule and I can't make it to the show in Vegas. If you can't find someone to take the ticket, I'll reimburse you."

You have my permission to put your needs, your husband's needs and your future family's needs before your friend seeing a band with an entourage.

A bridal party of 12 people, picked over a year in advance... planning her own bachelorette before shes even set a concrete wedding date or done any actual wedding planning... a bachelorette 6-10 months before the tentative date......

good luck. you're gonna need it. i assume this will just be the first of many 'wtf' moments as a part of this wedding and bridal party.

Tell her you're not able to attend and that you'll pay her back for the tickets like a pp said. She shouldn't be planning her own bachelorette party anyways..let alone that far in advance from a wedding date she doesn't even have set yet. As a side note...good luck with your IVF! That's so exciting and I hope everything works out for you and your husband!

I don't think there's anything wrong with having your birthday celebration a month early in this case.

I would ask her if she really wants her bachelorette party that far ahead of her wedding as it won't seem like a real bachelorette party.

What Niki said

This whole thing is weird.

I didn't even think about my bachelorette party until a month or two ago for my May wedding. They both need to figure out some basic wedding shit before deciding to try and spring a Vegas bachelor/bachelorette on 12 of their closest friends and family. Also, it's pretty tacky to go ahead and buy these tickets and then tell you that's what the plan is. Planning your own shower/bachelor party is super uncool.

Buying me tickets to a concert that I don't want to go to does not sounds like a good bridesmaids gift to me.

I agree with some of the others: Tell her that you accepted before you realized it was your birthday weekend, that you were planning a big birthday weekend that weekend because of IVF the following, and that since she changed the wedding date to much further away, it's not going to feel like a bachelorette weekend. Offer to reimburse for your ticket and tell her that you'll throw her a bachelorette party closer to the wedding so that if feels more like a real bachelorette party.

It sounds like she wants the glory of being a bachelorette while in Vegas and that desperation to do so is why she bought the tickets for everyone.

The moment she told you there were 11 other BMs it was no longer an honor and you should've ran for the hills. Sorry sounds like this won't be your only rant about this bride.

I dont think youre being selfish at all. I love my birthday....and 30 is a big deal! you deserve to celebrate it where, when, and how you want.

its also completely outrageous that she has already asked her BP and not just theoretically started planning her own bach party,but actually bought tickets! If you are close enough to her to have a frank discussion with her, I would sit her down and politely tell her to pump the breaks. Set a wedding date first, then let her girls come up with a party idea set for a more appropriate date. Explain that you have a scheduling conflict and wont be able to make it to Vegas. Suggest making Vegas a girls' weekend and see how it goes from there. Good luck, I also think this is the tip of the iceberg with this bride.

Or you can just tell her. "As your MOH, I really don't feel comfortable hosting your bachelorette when you don't have a date set for your wedding. I would be more than happy to throw one for you closer to your wedding date."