No Registry = People Give Checks/Cash

Personally, I was very happy when my nephew's registry was almost all bought up. It was much easier for me to give them a gift card for the shower and cash for the wedding. I don't know why this is such a hard concept for people to grasp.

Ok get it thanks everyone. Feel relieved. You guys respond fast! My previous response was somewhat directed to Erin Woods comment haha.

When asked, your closest family members can say "They don't need anything for the house but they're saving for ...... ". Pass the information via word of mouth.

@catlady5x exactly! So if someone doesn't do a registry because they want cash and honeyfunds are rude... how do you answer when you tell someone you aren't registered and they ask the follow up question of "what do you want"?

Nothing. Just your presence. Just because they need it spelled out doesn't mean you HAVE to.

My FH and I decided to consider the "gift" as a "donation" that will be put down toward sthe purchasing of a house. We told them we have lived together for 5 years and have enough things, but now we need a place to put out things. I'm hoping no one will be upset, but that's the only thing o could think of

Oy, Sarah...

I've only been to weddings in which you buy a physical gift for the bridal shower and the reception gift is always cash. I dk if it's cultural (Italian) or regional (NYC) or just me. Sorry if that's no help.

I would just say you aren't registered and a gift is up to them.

@Sarah-and you have registered with the government so that your "guests" can get the tax break?

I don't know if it's my age, region, or social circle, but there's not a single person I know that would ask a couple getting married, "what do you want." Maybe the people who ask that question have never been to a wedding. IDK *shrugs*

eta: that's a question you ask a kid who is turning 16.

I completely agree. I'm sure this will come up sooner or later. Doing a small registry isn't an option for us because we really don't need anything. I'm actually trying to get rid of some stuff in our house. And I have the small appliances, etc, that I want.

I think your response was perfect. I'll keep it in my back pocket for when/if this question comes up for us.

It really seems like a personal choice. However, I think it's important to have a registry because simply saying that you don't want anything doesn't mean people don't want to give you a gift. And if someone wants to give you a gift, they would feel better knowing it's actually something you'll want/need/use. In my opinion, it's more respectful to the guests to create some kind of registry, even a cash fund. Those who wish to give a gift will feel good about it and those who don't wish to give a gift probably won't visit the registry site anyway.

@GymRat- I definitely think it depends on the formality of your relationships with people. I had a few friends ask me what I wanted because they know me and knew that the stuff on the registry wasn't anything that (ETA- someone) I really wanted. How fun is a new dish set honestly? It's not like your going to go home every day and be soooo happy that you have pretty dishes. Lol! My friends especially wanted to get us something fun and meaningful. Not home items or even cash.

In my region you will never get cash ever for a wedding, unless it's something where they forgot until last minute.

@OP I agree with you that not registering does not equal getting cash in the South. However, if a person asks what you want and need it is not rude to say, "oh, we are mainly saving up for such and such." What is rude is asking for cash or using a honey fund which is a masked ask for cash. Answering a guest's question doesn't require you to lie and say "no presents" while you secretly want them to actually give you cash.

I highly suggest you register, though. If someone is not registered, I give them mint julep cups or a crystal picture frame. 99% of the old school southern people attending my wedding are the same. If you don't want a bunch of things you didn't pick out, you should register. If they are still asking about gifts after you said no registry, they clearly feel uncomfortable about giving cash and won't do it.

@EW-I just got super excited buying sheets and towels, so there's some of us who like practical gifts. I cried when FH bought me a Kitchen-Aid because I was so happy! I took pictures and sent it to all my GFs who were just as excited. So, again, your circle of friends is not the same as everyone else. Lots of people like practical things.

@Jessie- Fair enough. I would never cry over a possession. For me "things" will never matter that much. Guess that just proves that everyone is different and has different relationships with people which is what OP is saying. Not everyone will automatically give cash when there's no registry. And a lot of people will ask what you want as a gift. We had registries and still got the question.

I think this isn't just a "giving the cash hint" issue, but also the fact that some people would rather buy you a gift!

We had a huge registry that was sold out a few times and DH's family friends would come up to me over-reacting big time about the fact that the registry was all sold out and ask what I wanted. I just kept adding a few more things to the registry, who doesn't need more frames? Or one family friend asked how many place settings we had registered for, decided it wasn't enough, and bought us more place settings.

You can absolutely say that you haven't registered anywhere but are saving up for xyz, or that you're just excited to celebrate with them - but also keep in mind that some people might prefer to buy you a tangible gift!

No Maria, it is not rude to register if you aren't having a shower. There ARE still many people who bring boxed gifts to weddings (this varies regionally AND by social circle). And even in areas that mostly give money at weddings, some people DO prefer to give gifts. I am from the same area as Jessie, and I received around 8 boxed gifts at my wedding and so have my friends in the same area. You can't say that *everyone* gives money. Jessie likes to claim that whatever has happened in HER personal experience happens everywhere in the area, but it's not true. It's a huge area with a lot of cultural variation and variation among social circles.

OP, when people directly ask like that (which I find weird!), I think it's fine to let them know that you are saving up for X. They want to get you something and clearly need it spelled out for them. Or if you feel more comfortable just saying you don't need anything, that's fine too.

Does having the small registry keep people from buying random things that are totally not your style (aka ugly)?

#firstworldproblems

#workingonmyfakegratefulfacenow

So why did you post this...? It's exactly as simple as it sounds