No Reception

An intimate or private ceremony followed by a large, perhaps delayed reception is acceptable etiquette but not the reverse. As soon as you invite guests, sorry to say, it’s no longer just about you. A reception of some kind is considered the thank you to people for attending your wedding. The only exception is something like an open to the public service, like a church ceremony, where people aren’t invited individually at all.


It can be a small and intimate or very budget minded reception, for example cake and punch mid afternoon, a backyard BBQ or picnic, church basement etc. but you’re obliged to host something.

From what you've said, it sounds like an elopement would be perfect for you! I would suggest combining the ceremony and your honeymoon. Plan the expensive honeymoon, and find a beautiful spot there to get married. All you would need is an officiant and a photographer (search "adventure elopements" - the photos of people who did this are gorgeous!!). Then all your money will go towards you and SO, and exactly what you envision for your day. No need to host anyone, or suffer any social anxiety. Then the 2 of you could go to a nice dinner together and have as many drinks as you want without judgement. And if there are certain people you would want to witness your ceremony (such as parents, grandparents, siblings, etc.), you could always livestream it for them to watch at home.

A "reception" can really be anything involving refreshments and socializing, it does not have to be a grand ballroom with a DJ and first dance, cake cutting, etc. Cece has a great suggestion to elope. You could also have a very small, intimate wedding with a simple catered dinner to follow. This should 100% be about you and your fiancé!

Eloping might be the best option for you. You shouldn't invite guests to your event if you don't want to host them. Once you invite others you take on the role of host, which means treating them properly and providing refreshments appropriate for the time of day. It's rude to do otherwise and can result in people being upset, hurt, or offended.

You could also have an early afternoon wedding with refreshments like cake and finger foods afterwards if you just don't want to serve a full meal.

Anyone is allowed to be selfish at any time, but that doesn't make them immune from the consequences of their choices. Weddings are no exception to this.

View Quoted Comment No guests have been uninvited yet. All I am saying is that the wedding industry expects this and that. It’s not wrong to put yourself first in fact that what every psychologist tells everyone to do.

I completely agree. My fiancé and I keep going back and forth together on whether or not to even have a reception. I don’t want to pay for other people to party when I can’t party the way I want. I think we will do a cruise and invite the family and whoever wants to party can party and whoever wants to chill can chill.

View Quoted Comment The wedding industry and etiquette are two very different things, LOL. Etiquette never asks or expects a couple to spend more than they should, in fact the exact opposite. Host what you can afford, but do it graciously. That doesn’t have to mean anything expensive.


But if you do invite people it should be for the right reasons, namely to share a happy occasion. As mentioned there are plenty of options within your 5K budget from eloping, to a wedding and restaurant reception for a more intimate group, to a larger but simple affair. You’re not supposed to be in it for the gifts or thinking about what you’ll get in return.
You can put yourself first all you want when it doesn’t also involve or affect others. It sounds like eloping would best fit the bill with your mindset. You can always have a delayed celebration in that case, but you don’t have to.

View Quoted Comment Who said anything about finances are etiquette. I’m talking about respect. The proper thing to do when being invited to a wedding is to pay for your plate because it shows respect that you were invited and that people are hosting you.

View Quoted Comment That's not hosting if you are expecting others to pay for their meal. When you are hosting you are responsible for all costs associated with hosting including paying for their meal.

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This is incredibly wrong. I would suggest reading up on wedding etiquette (don't feel bad, many people are not aware of wedding etiquette until they start planning their own). Since you are the hosts of your wedding, the respect for others actually falls on your shoulders. It is your responsibility to properly host your guests (ie, it is your responsibility to pay for their meals and beverages). The entire purpose of the reception is to thank your guests for taking time out of their lives to attend your event. Guests should never have to open their wallets for/at a wedding reception. Think about it this way.... if you invited people to your home for dinner and drinks (ie, you are hosting them), you wouldn't then give them a bill for their meal and drinks would you? Of course not! Because that would be rude and poor hosting. The same etiquette applies to your wedding reception. You are not doing your guests a favor/honor by inviting them to your wedding... they are doing you a favor/honoring you by attending. If you don't want to pay for a reception that is completely ok - that means you simply don't invite others to your event. Elope and have a great time!

View Quoted Comment You’re right about one thing. Etiquette not only has nothing to do with the notion of “pay for your plate,” it considers it abhorrent and about as far from the idea of respect or being a gracious host as possible.


Gifts are supposed to be from the heart, if extremely customary on the guest side of things. On yours there is no proper entitlement. In fact, you’re not supposed to be thinking in terms of gifts at all. The only etiquette guideline for how much to spend is to base it on budget and relationship.

How old are you?

I'd say the general rule of thumb here is, if you're inviting someone because you expect them to compensate you for the cost of hosting them, you shouldn't invite them. Your guests should be those that you want to be there for your special day, and that you'd WANT to pay for their meal and whatnot. Not wanting your traditional reception is one thing (I might not, myself), and inviting people with how much they'll contribute in mind is an entirely different thing.


Basically, imagine that no one will bring anything, then think about who would still want to be there for you. Those should be your guests.
This isn't wedding specific, this is just hosting etiquette in general, and why someone else usually hosts showers (wedding or baby) - because that's one party where you're basically asking people to bring something to 'shower' the guest of honor(to-be-wed or parents-to-be) with.

Pay for your plate is not a thing, as far as etiquette goes.


Sounds like you could do an elopement for just the two of you!

I am debating no reception and ceremony as well! Receptions are typically 45% of the budget so I might modify mine to something none traditional and do appetizers and sweets for guests before they get seated for the ceremony. Let me know what you decide! I might adopt the idea too. I don’t think it’s selfish though especially if you are the main contributor.

It’s usually considered rude to invite someone to a ceremony and not have some type of reception. While they have fallen out of vogue, cake and coffee receptions still exist and they are ideal for this situation and you still are able to greet guests who attended.. Contrary to popular belief, it is just as much a legitimate reception as a full meal with free flowing alcohol. If you don’t want to provide a reception, don’t invite anyone to your ceremony. Find a couple legal witnesses and elope.

You are required by etiquette to provide hospitality to your guests. They are coming to show love and support for your marriage, and you are not just The Bride but a hostess who needs to provide refreshments for your guests. It can be simple, like a cake and punch reception, but you owe it to show some love to the people there to support you.

The reception is to thank your guests for coming to the wedding in support of you and your marriage. It would be really rude to invite guests to the ceremony but to not host anything.

View Quoted Comment How many weddings have you attended where you paid for your meal and desserts?

I just made a post DEDICATED to the stresses of planning on the couple!! Take the time and money and plan some time with your spouse!!! It's not selfish it's NECCESSARY!