No reception, but want a cocktail Party

I think the entire thing is stressful and sounds like I will be doing solely a ceremony.

When I thought of an intimate dinner I really just wanted it to be our parents and sons.

We have a list of 80 people. I have A lot of close family. It's either gonna be all or nothing. And the stress isnt worth it. It's my day and I don't want to be stressed.

I thought maybe a lounge after the ceremony. Sometimes quick to just cheers to our matrimony and then that would be it but it's just too much.

What you can do:

-have a cocktail style reception but serve enough food for a meal

-have a cocktail party from 2-5 or 8-11

-have a dinner with your close friends and family

what you shouldn't do:

-invite people to the ceremony with no reception

-have a cocktail party at dinner time

-expect people to pay for their own food and drinks

OP, you aren't getting this. The reception is not for you, it's to thank your guests for coming to the reception. If you don't want to host a reception then you either cut your guest list to only the people you want to take to dinner or elope

You absolutely cannot invite 80 people to a ceremony and then not have a reception. That's extremely rude and inconsiderate of your guests.

@Giselle - If it's just too much stress for you then just just have your immediate family at the ceremony and dinner afterwards.

If anyone is that close, they are worth the stress and cost.

We all agonize over something but we see it as a day to remember for us and out guests and if we wanted something, we would want to make sure it's done right and affordable.

If you don't want the stress or cost, just do immediate family and call it a day.

I think it would be rude to have a ceremony and nothing after. The ceremony is to thank the guests for coming and provide them with food and drink.

If you don't want to do that, then elope, or have a intimate ceremony with immediate family and go to dinner. I that case, you STILL have to pay.

OP.. please do the intimate dinner with close family and friends. Having a 6 p.m wedding and not paying for your guests meals and drinks is extremely rude. I would be disgusted if I attended a wedding and had to come out of pocket for my meal and drinks. Do it the right way. Find a nice restaurant, reserve a room for x amount of people, and pay for their dinner.

Yeah, you can't invite 80 people to a ceremony.

Have your ceremony 4-5 and do a cake and punch reception right after, 5-6:30, for the 80 people you invited. Cake and punch is just desserts and a variety of drinks, maybe a few appetizers if you want. Then, go to brunch the next morning with your VIPs (parents, siblings, etc) as the intimate meal that you want.

All we are saying is you can't just invite 80 people to dress up, drive and bring a gift/card and not thank them at all for coming. You have to have something afterward if you are inviting all those people. If you don't want to do a big thing, that is perfectly fine, but then don't invite all 80 to the ceremony and just do an intimate dinner with the approximately 20 people.

Giselle, you wrote, "I should be able to state in my invite it's just a ceremony. I only want to have an intimate dinner with siblings, sons, and parents. Anyone else, no."

And you think we're harsh? It doesn't get much harsher than that when it comes to wedding guests (it's basically saying, "Come and watch the pageantry of my wedding! Watch me walk the aisle in a gorgeous gown, perfect hair and make-up, and surrounded by well dressed VIPs. Then, leave, because the VIPs and I have a reception to attend").

You also wrote, "That doesn't mean I should only invite 20 people to the ceremony just because I won't have a party for them to come to afterwards." Yes, that's exactly what it means. If they decline your ceremony only invitation, you say your attitude will be "oh well, I guess." No, it won't -- you've already prefaced that assumed response with "If people truly want to share the moment they will come...", which indicates that there are some who won't want to share the "moment"(actually, it's more like an hour of their time), and those people will then be moved to a different category of friend -- the "they don't really care about my milestone moments" club. You won't soon forget (or forgive) their en masse declines.

You're getting pushback because nobody knows where you're coming from. You started out with a very expensive plan -- a cocktail party reception in NYC (of all places). Then, you went to hosting nothing for a majority of the guests. It sounds like a big money issue -- maybe it isn't -- but that's what it sounds like. You do know there are lots of options between super trendy in the most expensive city in the country and absolutely nothing, right?

As far as new traditions are concerned, they include things like e-vites vs. formal invitations, first looks vs. at the aisle, boxes full of BM proposal clutter vs, a simple, verbal invitation, wearing a wedding gown that isn't white, matching BMs gowns vs. letting the BMs buy whatever they love, a welcoming cocktail hour preceding the ceremony, a cocktail reception vs. a traditional reception, and a private ceremony followed, weeks or months later, by a hosted "celebration of marriage" party. In no way, shape, or form is there a way to pass a single expense connected to any new (or old) tradition onto your guests. Even the simple, and perfectly acceptable, two hour cake/dessert and punch reception is paid for by the couple.

I'd suggest you go back to the drawing board, reduce your guest list, and have that cocktail party celebration (with plenty of food) and a range of alcoholic beverages (since it's called a cocktail party, it should include cocktails as well as wine and beer). I've been to cocktail receptions, and they are a blast.

ETA: After reconsidering the title of your thread, and parsing through your subsequent posts, I think I get it. What you have in mind is what you initially stated. There it is, right in your title: You want the traditional ceremony, filled with guests and their cell phone cameras, but you don't want a reception...but you really do. You seem to think that not wanting a traditional reception, buffet or plated, means you're off the hook when it comes to hosting your ceremony guests. So, you've come up with another plan -- the cocktail party (so new and untraditional -- which it isn't -- that the hard and fast rules of funding may not apply to the couple). Simply stated, you want a cocktail party, and it sounds like you believe a cocktail party isn't a traditional reception, so the bill is not yours to pay. I don't know if you think your guests should get together a fund this event because they were deemed honorable enough to be invited to your ceremony, or if you think they should pay for their own food and drink at an event that celebrates your wedding ceremony -- but one thing's pretty clear: you think you've found a loophole, a way around paying for a reception, while still enjoying one (in your honor). You haven't.

Sorry....lapsing into NWMFT territory.

Your party does have to be at your expense and no one else's. People on here are going to be crude with your post. You can host a nice cocktail/cake party. I wouldn't have it at a meal time if you aren't serving a meal. Make sure you have plenty of hors d'ourvres.

I have to know...what's NWMFT territory?

ETA: OMG...can I guess? I think I got it -- "Not worth my fabulous time" -- I cleaned it up, rated G, lol.

Not worth my f#$^@#ing time

Lol @Celia, nwmft is brilliant.

Wow

If you invite someone to the ceremony, they MUST be invited to the reception (cocktail party or dinner). You cannot do a ceremony for a large group and then go to dinner with only 20 of those people.

You could do a ceremony and then a cake and punch reception.

So I skimmed and got that everyone is setting Giselle and Chanelle straight, but please tell me someone also set this straight and I missed it?

"The only time a ceremony-only invite is acceptable is when you literally only have a ceremony and no dinner, party, or any type of reception afterwards."

Amanda, no. You must have some type of reception after your ceremony, even if it's just punch and cake. As a 5-star poster, you've been on the forums long enough to know that.

Ok

Go ahead OP, a ceremony with no reception is totes great and money saving! You will be the talk of the town! People will clamour to your next gathering, you will have no problems saving money amongst your friends. You do you boo, it's your day!