Hey y’all. I’m here looking for some advice because I don’t know what else to do actually. I’ve never wanted a big wedding, I have no friends to invite anyway. But since my dad lost his job, and my fiancé and I make little, I really can not plan a wedding. It seems a courthouse ceremony is our only option now WHICH IS FINE WITH ME but my family expects something. My fiancé’s family has nothing to do with us. But I’m just torn. I’ve accepted that my wedding will be nothing special but it still hurts. Any advice on what to do? I’m not excited whatsoever and quite frankly depressed about it. Thanks everyone
You don't have to do anything except what pleases the two of you. If you're happy with the courthouse, then dress up (or not) and go to the courthouse and get married. Then go out (or stay in) for a fancy (or not) dinner. It can be just the two of you or you can include immediate family. You don't have to have some big to do - your family's expectations are irrelevant.
If you and fiance want a courthouse wedding then do that. Your relatives don't get a say.
You make your wedding as special as you can and don't worry about anything else. You have a lifetime together ahead of you to plan fancy anniversaries. Money doesn't buy happiness and many extravagant weddings end up in divorce because they focus on appearances instead of love.
Take a break from planning and come back to it when you're feeling better.
Your wedding will be special no matter what because you’re marrying the love of you life. You don’t need this grand extravaganza! It’s about you and your FH! Don’t let people tell you otherwise. It’s a tough time for a lot of us right now. My words of advice: Don’t plan a wedding you can’t afford, period. Otherwise you can get into trouble and major debt. That’s the first part of planning- budget and only do what you can afford. If your family really wants you to something special, they should help you pay. I suggest to talk to your family regarding finances and your decision is based on what you can afford. If they don’t like it, ask if they’re willing to pay for it. Money is always a tricky conversation, but without proper budgeting you can’t have a wedding. Talk to your FH carefully then talk to your families! But biggest advice: NEVER expect other people to offer or help to pay for your wedding.
I bet if you sit down and envision your day, you can find ways to still make it feel like a special occasion. Will it be wearing a white dress? Doing your hair, makeup and nails? Exchanging love letters with your fiancé?
If you're not excited about a courthouse ceremony, you could ask a family or friend to become ordained online and then they can marry you anywhere of your choosing like a special location to you and fiancé or a pretty park. There are also inexpensive ways to celebrate after your ceremony. You could have a picnic outside, a nice meal at your favorite restaurant, throw a party in your backyard with your family and friends, pop some champagne, slice a small cake, etc. Just think about what little things would make you happy.
What do you and your fiance envision for your wedding? If you don't have the money for your dream wedding right now, are you willing to delay your wedding by a year or two to save up? Otherwise, if a courthouse wedding is what you want most, go for it! Regardless of what your dream wedding is, don't let anyone force you to do anything different just because it's what they want. My advice is to first talk with your fiance to figure out what you both want (Courthouse wedding? Elopement on a beach? Larger family wedding? Etc) and how you both can achieve that result without taking out loans, and then works towards what you want.
I would not advise this because once other people start paying, they get the final say how it is spent. If you want things your way, do not accept financial gifts.
The only things required for a wedding are: officiant, marriage license, the couple getting married, 1-2 legal witnesses as required by your state and a reception for any guests who attended. The rest is fluff and filler.
I'm sorry you're feeling the pressure from your family! I would argue, however, that courthouse weddings are probably more special than boring, "cookie-cutter" weddings, people just going through the motions because "that's how a wedding must be done!". There are so many ways to make it interesting and "you". Wear fun clothes, hire a photographer for a couple of hours to take nice portraits, then go out and do something fun with your SO or with your close friends and family to celebrate. If FH had agreed to elope, I was thinking of all the fun things I could do around Chicago in my wedding dress. Drinks and games at the arcade bar? Heck yeah. Pics at the greenhouse? Adorable. Getting dinner at a nice restaurant (or our favorite pizza restaurant) in full wedding regalia? Fun. Whatever you do, it's going to be beautiful and special. People may complain, and it's easy when they're not footing the bill, but at the end of the day, your wedding is about you and your partner.
Hi Alexa - I am so sorry you are feeling down about your special day due to cash flow. I will say - I am right there with you. I have definitely felt a lot of what you explained and my fiance and I have tried to convince ourselves of every kind of idea - but at the end of the day what the budget is really does matter. Somethings that have made us feel confident about making it special in whatever way we can: 1. Shop for a more casual white dress (from anywhere) that you like and makes you feel great. (Or any color bc its really up to you!)2. Opt for a summer wedding and take advantage of a park field or outdoor BBQ with just you and your fam.3. Don't stress the insignificant wedding "musts". At the end of the day, you love each other and as long as you feel and connect throughout this time, that is all that matters.4. Throw a small dinner party.5. Save up a little each week to elope just you 2.Remember that weddings years ago took place in people's homes with just family and close friends, simple dinner and not much hullabaloo. Cheers ~
Hello, I am sure anything you and your fiancé plan will be amazing because it will be the day you get married. Also, you do not need to have something big for your wedding to be special which is what a lot of us couples during this time are learning and adjusting to. My fiancé and I also had no money to get married which is why I never fantasized about my wedding day. That and everyone in my family were courthouse weddings, I never thought the “traditional wedding” was in the cards for me. I think few people do have money for a wedding unless they’ve been saving for this particular day or their parents have. My fiancé and I got engaged in December 2019 and at that time I did much research to get rough estimates of how much each vendor would cost. when I got that number, I then had my fiancé and I go through our financials to see how much our bills were taking out each paycheck along with food even laundry etc. once we found out how much we had left over we agreed on a percentage of it to put away from each check and save into a wedding account and put the other percentage towards our personal savings for a rainy day. We then took the number we could save per paycheck and multiplied it by 24 to see how much would be saved in a years time. When a year wasn’t enough to get to the number I previously acquired for vendors we kept multiplying until we got to a number of months that would get us to our needed total, then we added a extra month or so to give extra room just in case the vendor prices were over what I initially found. Our engagement will be a total of 17 months, we are currently at month 14 and our savings are right on schedule. And because we still saved for our personal savings we had money put aside when the pandemic hit and our employment got shaky and eventually terminated as of last month both of us. So I advise something like this, set a number of guests you and your fiancé would like and collect quotes to give you an idea for each vendor based on the guest list. (Also don’t forget smaller wedding items like invitations, wedding inventory, rentals, your dress, hair and makeup. They all add up.) We ended up going all inclusive which was more manageable for us rather than juggling many vendors especially during these already hectic times. I hope this helps sorry it’s so long.
My question, because it wasn't as clear: are you depressed about a courthouse wedding, or depressed about how your family is expecting something?
If it's the latter, all you can do is tell them that your wedding will be intimate and they should not expect anything more. You don't have to say anything about money. It's that simple: it will be intimate. That's all they really need to know.
If it's the former, take a breath. Understand that today's big, showy weddings are a modern invention (though absolutely no offense or shade to the ladies who had or are having them!) Honestly, fifty years ago, weddings were still usually intimate affairs, often with a ceremony in the couple's church and then some cake and punch, or a holiday-style dinner at home. Of course, there have always been people with the money to have a big to-do, but they weren't the norm.
Your wedding will be special because it is about you, your FS, and your love. I promise.
An intimate wedding can still be made very special and personal. Dress up. It doesn't have to be a white dress unless you want the white dress (and if you do, you can get them cheap nowadays) but choose something nice that you feel good in. If it's your jam to have a bouquet, you can dress up a grocery store bouquet - find one you like, remove its wrapping, dry its stems off, and tie it with a nice ribbon.
If you go the courthouse route, go somewhere nice for dinner, or if that's not in the budget, go where you had your first dinner date together (even if it's just a burger joint - yes! Take this time to reminisce on how you got here.) You certainly have moments in your relationship that are special to you - think about those and see if you can work them into the day. Honor your past while looking ahead to your future. Since you aren't going to be caught up in the hullabaloo of getting ready and rushing around to meet event deadlines, you have the freedom to take the day at your leisure.
I'm sorry you are down about your day. That is a terrible way to feel. I hope that you will take the replies here to heart.
WE ARE HERE FOR YOU AND YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE! We can help you figure this out! I understand you’re broke but the most that you have to pay for is an officiant. You can get some for really inexpensive or you could have a family member or someone you know get ordained online! You can go to ANY state park to get married! They have picnic areas, and you could do a potluck or bbq or cookout! Florists are OVERRATED! I’m doing all of my own floral! This should be the happiest time of your life! Don’t worry about the money. Can you put aside 20$ a week? In 5 months that’s 450 dollars! That’s PLENTY for decore and hiring and hiring an officiant if you have to or get food for bbq/potluck.
If you want the courthouse ceremony, then do that!
Another option would be get married in your backyard and keep it VERY simple. Just hire a cheap officiant, make your own playlist and play it over some speakers for dancing, and maybe do a potluck, nacho bar, or order pizzas for some food! You can supply water (if you want) and have everyone BYOB if they want to drink alcohol and call it a day. It will still feel like a wedding without breaking the bank and a happy medium for everyone!
I hope you feel better about it all soon!
P.S. Dollar Tree (if you have one by you) is your frienndddd.
We were looking into a courthouse wedding at first. The only downside I saw was that we were not allowed any guests with us (not even 1-2). Then I looked into elopement services. Some of them can be quite expensive but they also offer micro weddings in public parks. You just have to get the permit. You can either get a friend ordained as an officiant or find one on thumbtack. We found our photographer and my MUA on thumbtack. My wedding dress was $230 off Azazie for a custom size. I did have to get it shortened though. Your wedding does not have to be expensive. There is this idea for some people that you have to spend money for a great wedding. Let me tell you, we did splurge on some things, but could have also had a cheaper wedding and it would have been just as amazing. Please don’t be discouraged. It’s not impossible to have a small and budget friendly wedding.
No pay no say. Forget what they expect. Do what you want. Have the wedding the two of you can afford or just elope. It’s ultimately about your vows to each other that matter.. not all the shiny glitz of a wedding. Keep your chin up — hope your spirits lift. Best wishes hun!
My friend got married in a park with just them, their kids, a photographer and the officiant. They chose this park because it is where they took their kids to play and watched the sun set. The sun set is what they loved most. Dinner afterwards and then a mini moon to the beach. Simple and perfect
I attended a wedding about 4 years ago now. It was in a meadow in one of our state parks. It was wonderful. The event was kind of bohemian of course. We brought food, they provided some too. It was a good time had by all. I am sure they spent between $500-$1000 max. I wish you the best.