No Kids Rule

We chose to not allow kids at our wedding because we didn't want it to be chaotic. There's so much more prep work involved when you invite kids and you cannot predict how they will behave. The only exception to our rule is my 12 year old brother, who will be 14 when we finally do get married. You get one day to be solely about you. If you really don't want to invite them, then don't. There's a nice way of addressing it on invitations so that people aren't likely to take it poorly.

So, 90% of my guestlist is from out of town (I'm in Alaska) and most of them are planning on bringing their whole families for a vacation after the wedding. I just made it clear that the children will not be able to attend the wedding, but I'd love to see them before/after the big day.

I included this verbiage in the invitations and have it plastered all over my wedding website: "Please keep in mind that although we love your little ones, we are not able to accommodate them. Our ceremony and reception will be an adults-only event, so turn our celebration into a date night and let loose!

Thank you for understanding."

I have gotten more pushback from friends than my family- which I thought was interesting.

Regardless, I just stand my ground. No children allowed. If they are pushy, then I just tell them that we don't have room to accommodate everyone's children in our guestlist. For the ones that are especially pushy and not respecting my boundaries, I pull the "I'm not paying to feed your children, that's not my responsibility" card! But, that's only if they are being rude. Haha

I did have an awkward situation where I didn't realize my cousin's oldest daughter was now 19 and starting college...but she is going to be the babysitter for my other cousins' children. So, I did feel bad about not inviting her- but I also didn't want to take their babysitter away. Haha. My cousin was super respectful and understanding about it and agreed that she should be the one to babysit. So, it ended up being fine.

At the end of the day, people need to respect your boundaries. Your wedding is about you and your fiancé, not about them and their kids.

View Quoted Comment It’s hard because of my family being out of town and I do not have as much family as he does so if they can’t bring their kids and have no one to watch them then they can’t come 😔. So I know it’s wrong, but I will have to make an exception for certain families and that will just have to be the way that it is. Family of his who are local, literally live within 30 minutes of us and/or the venue, so having their in-laws take them for the day is completely different than a whole 2-4 days. But I know people go on vacations, I just don’t know if they have in-laws that are available for that amount of time especially since one set of parents would be at the wedding with us.

Now see people can say they will attend but then forget to RSVP or have other plans that stop them from coming

Sandals Resorts are ADULTS ONLY! Just saying. But if you don't want toddlers specifically, then just specify NO Children Under 5 years old (EXCEPTIONS: Infants, wedding party children). It's your day and you make the rules. You're not going to please everyone when you have a large wedding, especially with the no kids thing. I have a toddler and I personally would decline. If they want to be there they will show up. And like someone else said if you invited them with the hopes they won't come, then should you really invite the at all?

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Your wedding is more than a year away and they are already giving you grief they can't find a babysitter? You know too much about their lives. Set your boundaries and maybe they'll learn how to do so, too. That sounds harsh, but it sounds like they are pushing you around already.

View Quoted Comment I am definitely weak and just want everyone happy but I know it’s our day and not theirs. If it ends up being 3-4 kids I’m ok with that but a bunch of kids can’t happen. That really racks up the Bill

View Quoted Comment But more so I just don’t want children like behaviors. I’m a school psychologist, and used to be a teacher, so I love kids lol. I just don’t want to be around then on our wedding

View Quoted Comment Don't put yourself down because of someone else's manipulation, and that's what that is. If you can't stand firm by yourself, then you have your partner as your teammate. Together you had a vision & that was 0 kids. Allowing certain kids brings resentment from others.


Tell them they have a year to figure it out & you would still like them to attend but understand if they can't. Honestly don't bring stressful people to your wedding, even if it's your family. His side will be fine if they support you. If anything, protect your FH from pushy family now or they will barge in on you with other parts if your life, too.

Perhaps you could have them at the ceremony and then have a few babysitters to manage the children off site of the reception. My second cousin did this for her wedding. She had three children of her own - they attended the ceremony then myself and other cousin watched them while the adults went to the party. Just a suggestion. I hope all works out for you.

If you're concerned about pushback now, you'll probably really get some if you invite only some kids but not others and parents find out their kids didn't make the cut. We are planning on no kids other than my fiancés nieces and nephew who are in the wedding - and they will be leaving after dinner. I may consider a 16+ rule instead of an 18+ rule since I have a few first cousins who would only make the cut that way. Our biggest thing is that we don't want anyone to have to feel like they need to watch out for their kids, and our venue has a firepit and other not kid-friendly things that we want to use without worrying.

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But if you do that, your FH's family will probably make note of the fact that children from your side of the family were welcomed, but theirs were not. This is why the "all or nothing, with some small caveats" thing is... a thing.

Being a people pleaser is going to really, really hurt you (it probably already has) not just in wedding planning, but in life. It's not a badge of honor. I had the exact same tendencies. I'd highly recommend buying/reading the book The Nice Girl Syndrome by Beverly Engel.

We are having all family kids (because my children and all my nieces and nephews are in the wedding). My finance doesn't have little kids in his immediate family, they are all grown (nieces and nephews). But we are stating adults only. While we love everyone's kids, we are trying to keep our wedding small and intimate (around 85 guests) and we would prefer to just have family children present. While I hope this would not offend any of my friends who are attending, we are sticking to this rule!

Find a couple of good baby sitters. And if you are lucky, a mother in law on the other side of the family will come, or their regular nanny or sitter. We were in your situation and the final numbers were that the 165 who came ( adults at least 15.5) there would have been 167 kids. Even our pro kids families looked and said, no to that.

The only real concern is whether or not you want children at your wedding. If you don't want them at your wedding, make your wishes known and let guests choose to attend without their kids or decline entirely. "Sides" don't need to be even as long as you feel like you are surrounded by people who love and support you and who make you feel joy.

We are having a no kids wedding. Every single guest invited who has kids (including those who need to travel) is still coming, and all are looking forward to a kid free date night. None of our guests who have declined our wedding invite have children; they've all found other reasons not to celebrate with us. Our guest list is split about 50/50 but I imagine our total RSVP's will lean much more heavily in my husband's favor, and while there are some people I'd really love to be there on my side that are not coming, the truth is celebrating with people who want to and are able to prioritize being with us is going to make our event all that more fun. I never recommend inviting guests to your wedding out of guilt, pity, or obligation.

My invitations will say “adult only reception”…only children allowed are the children in the wedding party. I will make a few allowances for my two bridesmaids who will be traveling to be a part of my day. If they have to bring their kids, that’s fine. And may make a few adjustments for 2-3 of my favorites relatives that are also traveling with little ones. I’ll personally tell them that it’s fine to bring their kids but overall, no kids. If you need help with childcare, I’ll help you find it!

View Quoted Comment This is exactly what I think I’m going to do. Make exceptions. Who knows, maybe they’ll end up not bringing the kids. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I agree with everyone else. You and your fiance are going to be the only ones who are going to get screwed by you letting people walk all over you. Kids are an all or none type of deal. And if you cave and let your family bring kids and not his, you will receive a lot of crap. It will most definitely back fire on the both of you. And put him in a bad place with his family. Plus if you allow your family to walk all over your boundaries and push you to cave to what they want then you will be dealing with them breaking your boundaries and walking all over you the rest of your life. I get that you want them there but at what cost?

We are only having our immediate family’s kids. (My flower girls and ring bearer are my nieces and nephew). My step children are in the wedding but thought they would have more fun if their 1st cousins who are their age were there too. But we left it there no other children are coming.

We're doing no kids except the wedding party which consists of our 2 kids, my teenage brother and sister, and our niece (the youngest at 6). We agreed on no kids because there were just too many kids on his side. It means that a few from my side might not be able to make it which is sad because like you, my side is a lot smaller. We didn't want to make any exceptions because it wouldn't be fair. People would definitely be upset and I don'want to deal with the drama.