No bridal party = no one to throw showers etc.?

The person throwing my shower is not in my wedding party. As soon as I told her I was engaged she asked if she could do my shower. I did ask her to be a BM, but she declined for personal reasons.

Anyone can throw you a shower (preferably not your mom though) or bach party.

It doesn't mean you can't have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. Anyone can host these. For instance, I am having 2 bridal showers, one hosted by my mom (some say that that is poor form, but it's tradition around here) and one hosted by FMIL.

I've thrown two bachelorette parties for weddings I wasn't in and I know my mom threw my sister's bridal shower, so it could definitely happen. With me, it was people that I was close with and knew they didn't have wedding parties so I asked if they wanted me to help plan one and they both took me up on it

A friend of mine didn't want to put that pressure on her best friend (because of some issues her friend is going through) so she didn't have a wedding party either. When I heard that, I asked if I could plan her bridal shower and/or bachelorette party, and I apparently wasn't the first to ask, so I think you'll have plenty of people who are eager to help out in that dept. if that's your main concern. Her mom ended up planning the bridal shower and she wanted to plan the bachelorette party herself. You'll be fine.

Also - have you thought about just not having a MOH but still having bridesmaids? If you have a few friends you're closer to, but you couldn't pick one as being your best friend, you could always do that.

Honestly, I would PLAN for no one to offer. That way, you won't be disappointed if no one does. I have attended weddings where the bride did not have any sort of shower.

It's in poor form to throw your own shower, but in my area- the moms throw them ALL the time. I thought that was the norm, until I got older and found alot of MOH's do it. In my area, Mom usually does it, and the bridal party helps.

As far as the bachelorette party- you can sort of throw your own- as long as you keep it simple.

The reason it is considered "poor form" dates back to when a woman left her parents home to live with her husband. Wikipedia says

"The custom of the bridal shower is said to have grown out of earlier dowry practices, when a poor woman's family might not have the money to provide a dowry for her, or when a father refused to give his daughter her dowry because he did not approve of the marriage. In such situations, friends of the woman would gather together and bring gifts that would compensate for the dowry and allow her to marry the man of her choice."

So technically the bride's family would be benefiting from the gifts as much as the bride, and its not proper to ask for gifts for yourself. However, dowries don't exist anymore so there really is no need for this etiquette rule IMO.

I'm having more of 'honorary' bridesmaids because we don't need a wedding party due to having a destination wedding. But my best friends have stepped up and are throwing me showers in two different cities.

If you're worried no one will throw you one, casually bring it up around those who may be able to throw you one and get their opinions on whether or not they think you should have one and maybe they'll offer to do it for you!

I didn't have a bridal party.

A friend here in CO threw a Bridal Shower here at my house. Actually, I pretty much organized it, but she "hosted" it. Most of those guests weren't able to attend the Wedding in AZ.

Once in AZ, my sister "hosted" my Bachelorette get-together. It was very low key. Just me and my dazzling dames catching up in my hotel suite. We played a few games, my sister had prizes and made a cake. We bought some booze and just chilled. It had be too long since I had seen them.

Even when you have bms, sometimes, they don't throw the bride a shower. I have heard of that, amazingly enough.

Throwing your own shower is poor form...but I have heard of moms, sisters, sil's and cousins throwing a shower.

Amy,

I'm kind of in the same boat. I live on the opposite coast of my friends, so I don't have anyone here who would really host one for me. I'd be a bit embarrassed to ask someone I don't know all that well, but I'd really like to have one. To answer your question- it depends on what sort of friends you have. Some people may be kind enough to throw a shower for you, and others may not. Be prepared for the worst, consider if "form" is important to you and go with what you want. If you want a shower badly enough, have someone else "host" for you but do all the heavy lifting yourself. Good luck!

We had a friend offer to throw us a shower, although we declined. Two other friends threw us bachelorette parties. None of these people was in our wedding party.

Members of the wedding party are not required to throw you parties, although they often do. Conversely, any friend can thrown you a party.

Wow these responses are really rude. I’m in the same boat and totally understand your disappointment. While your wedding with your partner will obviously be the focus and the best, this task is about your friendships. If your friends don’t care enough about you to plan a shower, I would be hurt as well. I haven’t had one yet and other friends around me have had showers planned. I guess I would say to try to be vocal to your friends that a shower means a lot to you cause it’s obvious they don’t value the event. If they don’t plan after that, then they are crappy friends. Best of luck.

Sometimes parents will go against etiquette and host a shower. Coworkers, churches and social groups frequently host them, knowing they're not invited but they want to celebrate with you. In that case, it's more rude to decline than accept graciously.


Someone will very likely host a shower for you, so don't worry.