No bridal party drama

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I hope she can be understanding, good luck!

View Quoted Comment How did you tell them? I’ve been telling them slowly as they’ve been asking me. I’m just being very careful about it, as to not hurt anyone’s feelings but previously KNOWING that she’s expecting it, made me hard to find the words and right time to tell her. Now it’s even more awkward for me. Like you, we were hoping our best friends would be our witnesses, and still be involved in the day though.

View Quoted Comment I agree and that’s exactly my problem. I feel like I have to fix the problem if she gets upset. I don’t want to lose a friend over this. The whole point of not having a bridal party is to avoid any hurt feelings among our fam/friends, not cause them. I’ll be talking to her about it over the weekend now that I’m off work for a few days.

View Quoted Comment Yes! Ugh. About 5 months ago, I told her in passing that I was thinking of having a Matron of honor (her) and a maid of honor (my other best friend) in which she told me that I “couldn’t do that” and “that’s not how it works.” So that’s why I have this whole no bridal party mentality— I can’t please everyone and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I feel like this is best. Since then, we hadn’t talked about any wedding plans because as you can see, she’s very opinionated and it’s her way or no way. So yes, this came out of the blue. I “thumbs it up” and left it at that, but I need to mention it again this weekend and tell her we won’t be having anyone. My mom feels like if she’s not a MOH she won’t be coming to the wedding at all, and I worry that I may lose her friendship. I feel like people put a lot of emphasis on weddings parties— but in reality, everyone thats coming to the wedding knows where they stand with me, why do I have to highlight certain people over others? I just need to get some guts lol and find a way to tell her.

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Whoa, the 'if I'm not a MOH, I may not come to the wedding at all' ((possible)) mentality of hers is super selfish and not good friend material, if that actually is the case. You shouldn't have to give someone a title in YOUR wedding (when you're not giving anyone else a title - it's not like you're choosing someone else over her, even) to appease her?!?! I'm sorry you have to deal with this!! Her initial text (and now that I've read that she didn't even ask about wedding plans before sending that text) just comes off.......aggressive. Not friendly, not loving, not a simple inquiry. Almost like she's made the first jab in a fencing match, and now you have to scramble for a response to defend yourself...when this whole thing could have been a much more *friendly* and innocent exchange.

Also, P.S. you can totally have a matron of honor and a maid of honor. You can also have two maids of honor. In short, you can do whatever you want to do - it's your wedding! And her bridal party 8 years ago (9 years ago by the time your wedding comes around) is not relevant.

Wishing you lots of luck!!!

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I know it seems that way, but you don't/can't fix other people's feelings. All you can do is be kind and loving and truthful when you tell her your plans don't include any attendants. After that, it's up to her to decide how to react.

View Quoted Comment Yes— we don’t know for sure obviously, I think she will come still but there just may be some resentment. And I agree she could have gone about it way better, at least asked “what’s going on with wedding plans/wedding party?” but she chose to do it differently. Now I’m in such an awkward place with it (and with kinda with her) and I’m dreading bringing it up again but I know I have to. And thank you for your advice!!

View Quoted Comment I just proactively told them “hey, we’re not planning on having a wedding. I would still love for you to get ready with me though.”

Hello Laura.
Hopefully you won't change your mind for her, unless she finds a law that states you have to make her a MOH . I wish her good luck!
I agree with Givemeallthepups : you can ask her to get ready with you and invite her to the rehearsal dinner and/or brunch the day after. Or, why not? she can give a speech.
She can throw a bridal shower and/or a bachelorette if you want these pre-wedding parties (I know that throwing them are more a MOH,bridesmaids and mom of the bride's responsibilities but a tradition is not a requirement!). Or, why not? She can give a speech,Anyone can give one, You don't have to be a Maid(man) of honor,best man(woman), father of the bride/groom for this.
I see all these suggestion as a way to compromise: she would be almost as involved as a MOH would, without being one.
And you can mention her in your own speech, telling in front of everyone how important her friendship is to you.