No Bachelorette Party??

I'm in this same boat myself with 76 days left. FH has the same situation going on.

I think it's one thing to plan your own bachelorette and a whole other thing to plan your own shower where you are showered with wedding gifts.

I am 26 days away and nothing, my sister (MOH) asked me 2 weeks ago what I wanted to do for a Bachelorette party, I just said I don't care because I was honestly shocked! I just found out that no one can agree to anything so they are just not doing anything. If I recall when I was my sisters MOH I just planned the night out and if people can come they do if not oh well. When did a wedding become not about the bride and groom??? I don't need/want a big to-do it would just be nice to feel like people care a little.

That sucks. There might be not enough time to get something organized for Labor Day weekend. Then you've got to deal with the Pope hoopla the last weekend of September, so your dates are limited. It is possible you could do something small, like dinner and drinks, perhaps. Maybe float a modest get together like that to the BMs and see if they'd be willing?

@VickPartyof2- I'm sorry that both of you are in the same boat. Maybe you guys do a joint night together out with your friends?? My FH got the best guys, they just took over and planned a whole weekend. I'm happy for him but jealous since none of my friends seem to want to plan anything.

@VMDIZZLE- I agree with you, there will come a time where if you want something done, then you gotta do it yourself. Good for you for taking charge!

@Lauren R.- I actually just had my bridal shower this past weekend and it was so beautiful. I feel like they just don't wanna give anything more than that now.

Do your BMs live locally?

@ConcreteBride- The "heated" discussion I had with my MOH this weekend was basically about trying to plan something for the first weekend in October, aka 2 weeks before the big day. I even said that at this point if what I had originally suggested/wanted was too much then we could dumb it down and do one night in Philly at least. But still nothing.

@Lauren R.- myself, my MOH, and one bridesmaid all live in Philly. My other bridesmaid lives in NJ, about an hour outside Philly.

Ok. I'm in the same boat with my wedding coming up fast (10/17) and no bach party plans in the works that I am aware of ... which by the way ... would be nice to know for attire planning and clearing my already very busy schedule! Um yeaahhh ... I'm not having shower, and I am perfectly A-OK with that, but I did express I would love a bachelorette get together of ANY kind. Well, you see ... my MOH just lost her job ... she is also in a mid-life crisis, but that goes without saying, so I never really expected much out of her other than for her to choose her MOH dress in the colors I chose, pay for that dress, and stand beside me on day of. So, I am totally understanding that we likely won't go on that girls weekend that we talked about over a year ago when I first got engaged. However, it would be nice to plan a local night out. A dive bar and a girls sleepover would be fine, I just would like to know when! Although, you can do like me ... I'm using my boudoir shoot (next Friday and can't wait!) as my own little private and personal Bachelorette party for myself! Yes. I am so glad I booked this even though it is pricey. Its my own bach party for myself. Apparently, this photographer does it up with champagne, little snacks, girl talk, music, while getting hair and makeup done, then I got the 5 outfit changes package. Its going to be my own little last fling bach party with myself haha ... and I'm ok with it.

@Sarah I hear you on when did the pre wedding festivities become about someone else!! Any time my MOH and I have briefly discussed possibilities on what to do for a bach party it has been nothing but what she likes to do. I have to laugh inside everytime. The thing is is she knows me so well having been friends for 30+ years. I love music, love live bands. A simple dive bar and a local band with a few girls is what would make me, the bride-to-be happy, but nope ... its all things she likes to do. I just can't wrap my head around it. So, I'm kind of doing my own happy thing and whatever is decided I will go with it.

@VMDIZZLE- I'm thinking that one night is what is going to end up happening. I guess I just always kind of pictured a weekend of fun and relaxation and made sure I told the girls that a long time ago. If at any point anyone of my girls could not have done a whole weekend for financial reasons or really any reason at all, I would totally understand and be willing to go with whatever was planned. Ultimately I just want to have some fun surrounded by my favorite ladies. I'm not opposed to one night out of fun and craziness, what's upsetting me is just the fact that no one even wants to try and put something, anything together.

I don't really understand the bachelorette party craze.... It's just another expense and it takes your BMs away from their families/friends/spouses for another day and/or weekend. Especially around this time of year when there is already so much going on. These are your closest friends, right? If they really wanted to do something they would've planned it by now. They probably just don't have the time/money. Don't take it personal!

I don't know if I'm having one, my MOH is my sister and her husband is FH's BM. I don't expect a bachelorette party, don't get me wrong, I'd love to have one but my MOH and my BMs are putting on a shower for me and my brother in law is throwing a 4 day extravaganza at bike week with a beach house for my FH's bachelor party, I don't want them to spend any more money on us. I think we will just do a girls night out while the guys are away or something simple. I'm okay with that.

@Sarah, there are a lot of discussions about this on these boards... a bachelorette weekend is *expensive*, and unless you're agreeing to pay for their hotel rooms, you're asking them to pitch in for not just their own room, but yours - and your drinks, and your meals, as well as their own, plus transportation by taxi/Uber for the night out - which will easily amount to $200-300/ea. additional.

There's nothing relaxing about planning a full weekend for a group of friends, either. It's hours of searching for hotels that are in budget and in the right place, plus picking venues, making reservations, arranging travel logistics, and maybe you're also envisioning something spa-related, or mani-pedi appointments, which also require coordination and more $...

There is no obligation to plan a bachelorette party on the part of your BP, so if it's really that meaningful to you, go ahead and just plan it yourself. But if you decide not to, and your girls plan a nice evening out, please don't pout through it because you didn't get a whole weekend or it's not living up to your expectations - the whole point in the end is to celebrate your impending marriage with your closest friends, and you can do that in one evening.

That sucks that no one will take the lead. It could be what Rebecca is saying the problem. It could be that you're dealing with a bunch of people who aren't planners. If this is REALLY important to you, just invite people to meet you out somewhere. I know it's not what you expected, but sometimes that is the reality.

Where do you live sara?

So what's the big hang up, is it money thing? is it a time thing? is it a travel thing? what issues are your MOH and BM's having? Perhaps we can help come up with a solution

Sarah - is there another bridesmaid who is a good planner who you can have step up and do this? It sounds like at this point the MOH isn't any help. I'd see if another girl can take the reins, or just step in and pick the date and place yourself

Sarah I just had my party in Philly this weekend and it was just one night and a ton of fun. We were mostly in the NE because that's where most of my girls are from. I used to live in Manayunk and there are a ton of options there to do dinner and a bar crawl. I used to live right by the brewery so that was always a good time. FH and I also have a gift certificate to Jakes wine bar which I hear is great, we just haven't been there yet.

The issue for me is NOT about what happens, where it is, or anything like that. To me, it's about the fact that no one wants to take the lead and put even just a simple night together. And quite frankly I shouldn't be so surprised because if it hadn't been for my mother stepping in and controlling the Bridal Shower, that would not have happened either. But because my mother took control and delegated the tasks to each girl, it was flawless.

I wish I knew what the issues were, I've tried asking the girls if its financial issues, which would be understandable, being in a wedding takes a lot of time and money, I know (I've even told the girls that I am more than willing to pay my own way to make it easier on people, I'm not the demanding type). I've been involved in planning bachelorette parties before so I know its about $$ and time, but it's also about communication and we have zero of that.

At this point I am researching hotels and ideas for one night out in Philadelphia. I've kind of just hit the point that if I want a night out with friends, then I will have to plan it myself.