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Beginner June 2018

No babies at wedding...

purplejunebride, on February 12, 2018 at 2:33 AM Posted in Planning 0 27
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Let me start off by saying I absolutely love kids, and so does my fiancé. We hope to have many of our own. However, we do not want young children at our wedding. We’ve known that we have felt this way for 6 months now. I shared is not wanting kids at the wedding and my mother basically tore into me because that’s so atrocious to her. Two of my bridesmaids who I’m also related to have two young children each. Our ceremony location is outside in June. To get the location you have to walk down a large section of stairs outside and that’s the only way to access it. Therefor when a baby starts crying there is no where to go to calm them down without disrupting the wedding. We have paid a very hefty fee for a videographer and our vows are the most important part of our wedding day and I really don’t want a baby crying during them. Aside from that our one bridesmaid has discussed needed to have her two babies sit with her at the head table. She’s suppose to be next to me because she’s the maid of honor. Both of her children are still being breastfed but will take bottles and at the wedding the youngest will be over 6 months. She’s talking about chasing her kids around at the reception and wearing a dress that’s easy for her to breastfeed in. And I love her children dearly but I don’t want kids at our wedding, especially at the head table next to me. I finally got up the courage to share with her I don’t want them at the wedding and she took it really well but I could tell she was upset. However once my mother found out she flipped because she just can’t belive we don’t want kids there. Our wedding ceremony location is not equipped for young children, the reception is open bar, and it’s a very extravagant wedding so I don’t understand why she’s acting so crazy about it. I need some opinions as to if My fiancé and I are being dramatic or if this is totally okay for us to feel this way?

27 Comments

Latest activity by Red Queen, on February 13, 2018 at 5:48 PM
  • stephanie
    Super October 2017
    stephanie ·
    • Flag
    I don't know what it means to be "not equipped for young children," most places in the world are not baby-proofed but somehow most children make it through childhood just fine. And parents can decide if they are comfortable with their kids being around adults drinking, that is not your call to make. I also have no clue how "it's a very extravagant wedding" factors in. These are all frankly b.s. reasons to not have children at the wedding.

    Luckily for you, you can choose to not have children for no reason other than not wanting children there. But I can understand why people side eye if you tell them this stuff. If you choose to not allow children, even ones who are still breastfeeding, expect that some of your guests will be unable to attend or will leave early. If you're cool with that, then just roll with it.

    We had about 10 kids under age 10 at our wedding, the youngest being only a few months old and a few being toddlers, and we had no issues whatsoever. Having kids at a wedding doesn't automatically spell disaster. By your logic, your vows could also be ruined by an adult coughing, or someone having a heart attack. Or a bird or other wild animal nearby making noise. TONS of things could happen, are you protecting against all of them? Not inviting people with physical or mental health issues in case they have an episode during your vows? Just something to think about .....
    • Reply
  • Erica
    Expert August 2018
    Erica ·
    • Flag
    Its your wedding and if you don't want kids there thats ok. That's not you being unreasonable or mean. I'm not having kids at my wedding. The only two kids that will be there is my flower girl and ring bearer who both will be ten.
    • Reply
  • S
    Expert July 2017
    SaraBear ·
    • Flag
    Ya, I agree with Stephanie. It’s perfectly acceptable to say you don’t want children at your wedding but “it’s not equipped for children” and “it’s an open bar” seem like silly reasons. Most places aren’t baby proofed and children go to restaurants and parties all the time where alcohol is served freely. Also, it’s an extravagant wedding. I went to a very expensive wedding and there were children there. Plenty of people have adult only weddings because that’s just what they want and that’s okay. I guess I can see why you feel the need to explain it to your mom but you really don’t need to explain past “we don’t want children at the wedding.” I don’t think you’re being dramatic about it but perhaps your mom is getting all crazy because instead of putting your foot down and just saying no, you just keep giving her random reasons to work with and find a solution for.

    Also, if your MOH is still breastfeeding two babies, I would prepare for her to leave early, even if she is the MOH. I think it’s a bit presumptuous to say, “they take bottles” but you also said your MOH wanted a dress that was easy to breastfeed in. Sounds like she needs to breastfeed, not give them bottles. But I digress. if any other guests have children, I would just prepare some people may not be able to make it or they will also leave early. As long as you’re okay with that, then continue on.

    For the record, playing devils advocate, we allowed family to bring kids only. Most opted not to so we only had a 9 month old and a 2, 4, 7, and 9 year old. Not one of them made a peep during our ceremony and not one caused a ruckus during the reception.

    On the flip side, we have a bunch of friends with kids. Not one couple who RSVPd no did it because of their children (none of our no’s had kids). Most were local but we even had one couple who didn’t even ask and left their one year old with grandma and flew across the country for us. So it might not even be as big a deal as you think.
    • Reply
  • B
    Just Said Yes August 2019
    Blossom ·
    • Flag
    I totally agree with you. We don't want any children at our wedding for the same reasons. Our children are coming because they are in the wedding. Your mom will be ok, at the end of the day you both have to do what is best for yall besides it's your special day
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Devoted May 2018
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I think it's ridiculous that you're expecting your MOH to give up breastfeeding her children for your wedding.
    • Reply
  • Lillie Marie
    Beginner March 2020
    Lillie Marie ·
    • Flag
    First thing, THIS IS YOUR WEDDING. Secondly, this is about you!

    No one has a right to rip you a new one because you do not want kids.

    Personally, I do not want kids at my wedding either. BUT... my family and friends all live states away and if I say no children.... well I could expect for only my mom to show up...

    I am sorry you have been put in this situation and I wish you luck.
    • Reply
  • Robyn
    Expert October 2018
    Robyn ·
    • Flag

    It's perfectly fine to not want kids at your wedding. It is YOUR wedding. As long as you are not going into debt for the wedding, have it however you want.

    • Reply
  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
    • Flag
    It’s normal not to want children at your wedding, but I would just suggest considering the feelings of others you care about. If your mother found out it’s probably because your MOH is upset and this could cause some tension between you and her. Do not be upset if she wants to leave early and does not appear to be happy. Will the father of the children also be at the wedding? With babies that young there’s no way in hell I’d ever hire a babysitter. If she doesn’t have someone then I’d also prepare for her to back out of your wedding. You absolutely do not have to have children at your wedding, but just consider the position it puts the mother in because if she’s going to have to choose between your wedding and her children, there’s no way she will choose your wedding.
    • Reply
  • MsToMrs
    Dedicated September 2018
    MsToMrs ·
    • Flag
    You're allowed to not want kids, just anticipate some people won't come because of that.
    • Reply
  • P
    Beginner June 2018
    purplejunebride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    The older one will be almost 2.
    • Reply
  • P
    Beginner June 2018
    purplejunebride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    There is handicap access hoevever, it is located right beside the gazebo where we will be standing. So during the ceremony the only was to really exit is behind through the stairs.
    • Reply
  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
    • Flag

    I am not having any children at my wedding but I do believe there should be an exception for breastfeeding babies. That is how they get food! She is clearly breastfeeding them and if she wants to make an exception and leave them bottles/milk/formula at home with a babysitter that is great but I wouldn't expect that of her at all.... Everyone says "It's your day!" but this is a situation in which I would really consider how it is going to affect your MOH...

    • Reply
  • P
    Beginner June 2018
    purplejunebride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I have considered it. She was in a wedding a few months ago as a bridesmaid and left both of them at home with a babysitter so I know it can be done for my wedding.
    • Reply
  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    So she knows how you feel, let her make that decision on her own. It doesn't mean she liked it or it was comfortable or the best decision for her or the children.
    • Reply
  • P
    Beginner June 2018
    purplejunebride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I’m not expecting her to give it up. She was in a wedding a few months ago where she left both children at home. They are perfectly able to be fed and provided for. By the time of the wedding the youngest will also be taking some baby food as well and the oldest will be two. They both take bottles daily so they are okay.
    • Reply
  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yeah but if this is what was comfortable for her then she wouldn't have been discussing their seating or been disappointed when you told her you didn't want children there...


    • Reply
  • MelisM
    Expert January 2019
    MelisM ·
    • Flag

    We will not be having children at our reception but have opened the invitation to all of our guests that have children to bring them to the ceremony at the church. We want our guests to relax, eat, drink and enjoy the reception with us. We don't want them to have to worry about where their children are or that they need to leave since they are getting tired.

    • Reply
  • Alysia
    Devoted September 2018
    Alysia ·
    • Flag
    My mother had a similar reaction when I said the only child under 18 allowed was my nephew who is also my ring bearer, but at the end of the day, I knew I didn't want children at my wedding.... even though we're having it at a zoo.

    One of my bridesmaids also has a young child, but she fully supported my decision to not have her son at the event. She'll have more fun without worrying about him, and he'll be happy at home with his grandparents.

    It's your wedding. You get to make those decisions, whether they're popular or not.


    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Savvy June 2019
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    I agree with you. We are only allowing children at our wedding that will be coming from out of state, because there will be no real way to have a babysitter. Two of my bridesmaids will have babies (around 1 year old) by my wedding day. One already asked how her baby can be involved and I felt awkward but just explained that we are hoping to not have babies if possible and hopefully this can be a fun night out. She has a babysitter she can use, so they were fine with it.

    But I get where you are coming from, because I would probably be pretty annoyed if a baby cried during my ceremony. I've seen it happen many times and parents not even leave the room.

    • Reply
  • Pickles
    Super February 2018
    Pickles ·
    • Flag

    I have always considered weddings adult only affairs, but when my FH and I got engaged I found out his family views weddings as family functions, with kids. Because his family are all out of state we will have kids at our wedding. It would have been a huge deal to not allow children to come and I was not willing to have that fight. If a child cries or screams or talks loudly during the ceremony, I just hope I am so focused on getting married that I do not notice. It makes me feel better that others have said the kids behaved at their weddings because the few weddings I have attended with children one cried or talked during the whole ceremony.

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