No Alcohol at the Reception

Double Post

A lot of people feel alcohol is important and if they aren't drinking there is no reason to be at a wedding reception. I have only been to two weddings. One was a cash bar, so I didn't stink, i didn't know anyone but the bride, and i left as soon as I felt was possible but polite. The other was a dry wedding, where I was with friends from college, I had such a great time I didn't even realize there wasn't alcohol. I may be the minority, but for me the alcohol is not important. I do however agree with PP about an elopement possibly being a better option for you, if your family has that much tension the absence of alcohol may not be the answer. Maybe saving the money you'd spend on a reception and going on a trip like the Hawaiian elopement will allow you to focus on your relationship and your day, and not your family and the tension

Could you have a limited bar (like wine and beer, or only serve alcohol during dinner) and hire security in case any guests get out of line? You could point out trouble makers to the security so they know who to watch out for and have a plan in place of things get out of hand. If not, I agree that a punch and cake reception could be an option for you--mostly because it sounds like the tension could pose a problem with or without booze and a shorter reception might be in your favor regardless.

I've got an UO here but I don't think a reception would not be fun without alcohol as long as the food is good, the music is fun, and guests are entertained; if you're able to cover those things, most guests would stay. I can't imagine ever leaving a wedding just because there's no alcohol and I've never met anyone who would until I came across this forum. I would say this is probably a know-your-crowd situation, and in this case it sounds like you do. However, I still believe that a cake and punch reception would suit your particular situation best.

Honestly, I've had a few family members that went to weddings that got out of control because of booze and the belligerence and fighting generally clears out a crowd better than anything and FAST. Those weddings ended practically as soon as the reception began due to the problems with booze. As a guest, I would MUCH rather attend a dry wedding than a wedding with drunken antics, especially if it escalates to yelling and/or violence.

Amanda, a proper bartender will prevent overserving. Unless people are drinking alcohol they snuck in...like during a dry wedding.

PS - I think that fear of "drunken antics" is one of the lamer reasons to rationalize a dry wedding.

@Jacks, people react to alcohol very very differently from person to person. One might be fine drinking 12 beers with no problems, others could seem okay the whole time they are ordering drinks, have 5 or 6 beers, and then it hits them HARD and that's it, there's no turning back. To the bartender, they seemed fine and thought they were monitoring them properly. They don't know these people. They have no idea how they react to and handle alcohol. Unruly drunk people are notoriously hard to control and simply escort out, especially if they are larger/stronger people and especially if a fight has already broken out. A lot of dangerous situations can happen when people with anger issues and alcohol issues come together. I'm wondering if any of you have witnessed something like that before, because it sounds like you think drunken antics are easy to contain, not dangerous, and not as serious as they really can be. She's not talking about one person getting drunk and puking on the dance floor, she's talking about potential violence from multiple individuals. You know what happens when a few individuals start fighting? Usually a riot.

Amanda, with all due respect, I'm a medical doctor, and so I don't need the discussion on alcohol tolerance. I'm sorry your particular family doesn't handle alcohol well but you're applying this to everyone. Massive overgeneralization. Most people can drink responsibly. I feel like it's a lame reason to not serve alcohol to anyone at a wedding.

PS, my spouse is a bouncer.

Depending on your venue, one possibly option could be a ticket bar. My venue had this as an option, it's where every guest gets a set number of tickets and those tickets are for the drinks. That might help with people getting too out of control. Another option could be a cash bar, from what I have seen people tend to get less stupid/obnoxious at cash bars than at open bars.

All in all it is up to you because it is your day. Good luck!!!

OP I'd say this is a "know your crowd" situation. For example, my MOH is having a dry wedding next year which I'm stoked for! I can definitely forgo drinking for one day if that's what's important to the bride and groom.

Perhaps you could stock some non alcoholic beers and wine for guests so they still get their "grown up drinks" but it doesn't mean you and FH are abandoning your principles.

Tickets are not a great idea, Emory. It's widely frowned upon as it resembles a work event or a carnival. Moderating the alcohol is the job of a properly trained and certified bartender. Cash bars do not deter people who really want to drink. One more thing? It's no longer just their day when they invite other people i.e. guests.

I've also been to a few non alcohol weddings. Most noted on invites. The people came to wish the couple well wishes. Also, the guests were fun people. Lol maybe they drank before coming. All the guest stayed til end. You know your guest and if you're worried as it may seem about family behavior are you sure it's the alcohol that's going to cause riff. Sounds like you've got bigger problems. Best wishes on which ever way you go. I hope everyone that attends put your wedding day ahead of their personal feelings.

I think it really depends on your crowd, a lot of my extended family doesn't drink and we've had plenty of lively, fun, and dry parties. However, a party with my FILS that don't include alcohol is borderline unbearable, which rarely ever happens. lol

It sounds as though your family is used to drinking at parties and therefore might not party much without it. I would go with beer and wine.

This kind of thinking is insulting to me as a professional bartender. I have been doing this for 25 years. I have been trained, certified, and worked way more than the requisite 10,000 hours to be an expert in beer, liquor, wine and intoxication. I can literally spot someone who has had one too many from 10 feet away. Please stop with the condescending bullshit, acting like adults can't adult and professionals don't know how to do their fucking jobs and host your damn party correctly FFS.

If you're going to have a dry wedding it's bad form to state on the invitation what you're not providing. So don't refer to dry wedding at all on the invitation. It would be appropriate to spread the information via word of mouth or on a wedding website.

Yes, Jessi, I agree!

@Jacks, but she is saying the family members on both sides don't handle alcohol well and it is likely to result in violence so my comments are relevant to her situation. I didn't apply that statement to everyone, I'm just reiterating the fact that her family is and that people handle alcohol differently. I never said everyone handles it badly, I didn't even insinuate that, I specifically said different people handle alcohol in vastly different ways which is a fact even you can agree with. I was actually quite specific in saying people with alcohol AND anger issues are the ones who can be difficult to control, and OP has made it clear both sides of the families have both issues. I never said all drunk people or alcohol-drinkers in general can't handle their drinking. Perhaps "drunken antics" was poor wording but I thought it was clear and I wouldn't have to specify I was talking about people who have alcohol issues and not drinkers in general.

Still, I don't think that in the presence of a trained professional bartender that serving alcohol presents a risk significant enough to deprive the rest of the guests. It's not solid logic. That's my opinion, and you have yours. We can agree to disagree. I honestly don't care what OP does. I make most of my comments here for lurkers or people planning a dry wedding and looking for a reason to latch on to. I've heard countless reasons, and none of them are valid in my opinion. Celia has a whole list of lame excuses for having a dry wedding.

Why should the rest of your guests cop a dry wedding because some of your family can't handle their alcohol? Honestly most people are on their best behaviour at a wedding, even divorced parents can be civil for their child's wedding day.

It makes me so cross the focus on alcohol !! Like people can't have a good time without it ?? Yes it's nice for a little toast or with dinner but people getting stroppy over no alcohol just Sums up the exact reasons why people actually go to weddings ( free food and drink)

I totally understand the family thing. If I were in the same spot, I to would forego having alcohol. Sadly there could be a chance this is true. Most will probably stay for the speeches, toasts, food and main dances. Have you considered maybe just having wine and beer. Maybe open the bar after dinner this way the night can't get out of control to fast. And absolutely no liqueur. I would try to consider some other options before eliminating it all together

'It makes me so cross the focus on alcohol !!'

A wedding is a celebration, people like to celebrate with alcohol. It's not rocket science.