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Deb
Beginner February 2020

No alcohol at reception

Deb, on February 19, 2020 at 10:42 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 3 27
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I see a lot of posts about not letting guests suffer because of a few Alcoholics in the family. I am the alcoholic...sober 4yrs in March. I am choosing not to have alcohol primarily because of cost, but also I don't have a lot of years of sobriety so I don't want/need the temptation especially at my own expense.... That's just insanity.
It doesn't seem right to criticize others for not providing alcohol when what they are doing is actually a very thoughtful and silent gesture to the family members they love and wish to be happy and healthy.

27 Comments

Latest activity by Margaret, on March 7, 2020 at 8:52 PM
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    Eh ignore it. It all comes down to who can get through a social event without it. I do not bat an eye if there is not alcohol or a cash bar. It is your wedding so do what you want. Congrats on your sobriety.

    • Reply
  • Alli
    Devoted October 2020
    Alli ·
    • Flag

    First of all - congratulations on your sobriety and good for you for putting yourself first. It is YOUR (and your FH's) day... no one else's opinions matter! I think it is very thoughtful for people to consider their family when making this decision! People will always find something to criticize.

    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    There are a million wedding no it alls, critics and judgemental a holes out there. It is your wedding and what you choose to do needs to explanation. Congratulations on your sobriety! That is so good. My brother in law is going on 9 years now and it has not been an easy road but he is such a better person now, or shall I say.....it is good to have him back.

    • Reply
  • Taylor
    Just Said Yes January 2021
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    Congratulations on your sobriety! That is an amazing accomplishment! Something fun you could do is provide a signature non-alcoholic drink that is your favorite (like a punch or something mixed)!
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Congrats on your sobriety that really shows strength!
    I agree I think whatever you decide to provide is fine. Alcohol or no alcohol i would still enjoy a wedding as a guest
    • Reply
  • D
    Dedicated July 2020
    D ·
    • Flag
    Wow 4 years! That is a big accomplishment! You should be so proud of yourself!
    My fiancé’s mother was an alcoholic which resulted in him spending his childhood in a Ukrainian orphanage.
    He didn’t even drink on his 21st birthday, sobriety is a big cause he stands behind.You can make such a big impact on people! Keep up it up!
    • Reply
  • Jess
    Expert October 2019
    Jess ·
    • Flag
    We had a dry wedding because my hubby is a recovery addict and i’ve had my issues with alcohol as well. i think more weddings should do it since it shouldn’t be about the liquor. So so proud of you for 4 years! that’s huge! ignore all the critics and do what’s best for you!
    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Devoted October 2020
    Katelyn ·
    • Flag

    Congratulations on your sobriety! I can definitely understand not having alcohol at your wedding.

    I agree with Taylor - I think it could be fun to offer a non-alcoholic drink that you and your FH love!

    • Reply
  • Jodie
    Expert August 2020
    Jodie ·
    • Flag

    In my opinion if someone chooses not to attend a wedding due to the lack of alcohol, then those are not the people I would want at my wedding. The point of a wedding is to celebrate with the happy couple. People can suck it up and not drink for the few hours of a reception. Congrats on your sobriety! Keep up the excellent work!

    • Reply
  • Amanduh
    Dedicated January 2019
    Amanduh ·
    • Flag

    This is your wedding. Screw what everyone else thinks. Also congrats on sobriety.

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I think it more depends on the crowd. If it's common to have alcohol at events with your friends & family, then of course it's odd to not have it. But if people generally don't drink anyway then they won't miss it. For my family & all of our friends, not having alcohol would have been super weird. But for my husband's family, they wouldn't miss it. His sister and his stepmother currently have drinking problems and his uncle has been sober for around 20 years. We chose to have alcohol. We've been to one dry wedding and it was still a nice event.

    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    Congrats on your wedding and sobriety.
    While I have to agree with the idea of providing no alcohol just because Uncle Pete is an alcoholic or recovering alcoholic is a little bit if an overkill move. The bride or groom being alcoholics or recovering alcoholics is a completely different move.
    • Reply
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    I think that when many people talk about whether to have alcohol at a wedding due to the presence of alcoholics, they are talking about active alcoholics rather than people in recovery. The fear is that Uncle Pete will get drunk and pick a fight with the best man, for example. But in that situation, not serving alcohol is unlikely to work. If you're lucky, Uncle Pete will leave as early as is humanly possible. If you're unlucky, Uncle Pete will arrive already drunk, and/or bring a hip flask.

    Your situation is quite different. You already have the motivation to stay in recovery, and are just trying to find a way not to encounter too much temptation.

    • Reply
  • Chantal
    Expert May 2021
    Chantal ·
    • Flag

    CONGRATS on your sobriety! I have people complaining about my dry wedding, but honestly, I don't think people are going to care in the end. In fact, looking back on it a week later, I doubt anyone will remember that there wasn't alcohol. It's an expensive addition, and we all have family/friends that can go a little too far with it.

    I think your choice is amazing and again, you are SO awesome for having made it this far! If people want to drink so bad, there are 364 other days of the year that they can do as they please. It's not your job to make sure everyone else has exactly what they want. It's your day! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Tara
    Devoted August 2020
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    Congrats on your sobriety! Put yourself first! Your well being is more important than the opinions of others! ❤️
    • Reply
  • anna
    Dedicated October 2019
    anna ·
    • Flag

    First of all, congratulations!

    it's your wedding, so you can serve whatever you want. if anyone criticizes the fact that there is no alcohol, that just reflects badly on them. there are a lot of reasons behind why people choose to have dry events, and you don't owe an explanation!

    we had a dry wedding and everyone had a great time. if anyone thought it was dumb, we never heard. we had a coffee bar which was a huge hit! people should be there to celebrate your marriage, not to get drunk. if someone has an issue with that, I honestly wouldn't want them there anyway!

    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    Congrats on your sobriety! I totally agree you shouldn’t have to serve alcohol if that’s an issue for you. I have severe gluten and dairy allergies so our entire wedding was gluten and dairy free lol. Honestly no one even noticed unless we pointed it out to them (like we just substituted pasta for potatoes, left the cheese off the salads, etc). Our cake was also all gluten and dairy free. Our venue kept suggesting that I have a gluten free dairy free cupcake and then have the cake be regular. Like no though, it’s my wedding and I want to be able to eat my own food/cake! I’m not spending $600 on a cake I’m allergic to. Just couldn’t bring myself to do that lol.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I see what she is saying. Whether sobriety is the reason or not I agree with a pp that people are there to celebrate the couple. I see posts on here judging people for not wanting to have alcohol because for them that is not what they prefer. I agree with another pp that if someone were to not attend my day because I choose to do a cash bar or not serve alcohol then I apparently am not important to them. I know some people like to drink for social situations that is fine but that should not be the basis of a good wedding reception or not. I do not even think it is a know your crowd thing rather what the bride and groom want. I have attended a cash bar wedding and a dry wedding as well as liquor pouring like crazy and I never thought one was better than the other personally. Not trying to start an argument but some people can be rude about people choosing to not have alcohol for and I think that is a part of what some posters mean.

    • Reply
  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
    • Flag

    In my opinion, if the bride and groom don't drink, then not having alcohol isn't a problem. A wedding is supposed to be a reflection of you and your relationship. If you don't drink, then why have it!

    Where I find it weird not to have alcohol is if the bride and groom are drinkers and they are being cheep or don't trust their friends.

    • Reply
  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
    • Flag

    Congratulations on your sobriety and ignore those who may be critical.

    • Reply

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