Sarah
Savvy May 2020

Night-before"tradition"

Sarah, on October 9, 2019 at 9:13 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 48
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My BFF claims that it is a tradition for all of the bridesmaids to sleep over the night before the wedding. This means cramming 8 women into a one-bedroom apartment on air mattresses and a futon. I am traveling from out of town with my fiance and we already have to pay for a hotel room for that night. I told her I planned on staying in the hotel and then coming over first thing in the morning, but that made her really upset.

All I can think about is how important sleep is before a long day. My body does not respond well to inadequate sleep, and I want to be as happy and helpful as possible on her big day! I will probably end up giving in to her request, but I don't want to be resentful of my best friend on her wedding day.

Which one of us is being unreasonable?

48 Comments

  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    Because it worked with the timing of the rehearsal, Thursday night for a Saturday evening wedding, three of the five BMs slept over with the B at our home on Thursday night (they now live all over the country so it was a chance to spend some time together). They had a blast (although, they were asleep before 10 pm, because they were all jet-lagged), and we went and got nails done on Friday morning. However, the night before the wedding, daughter wanted to make sure she got as good a night's sleep as possible, so there's no way she would have done it then. I don't know of it being a "tradition," but it's an option to consider or not, depending on what works best for you. Smiley heart

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  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    I don't think either one of you are being unreasonable. I understand where she's coming from wanting all the girls to be together the night before, but unless there are better sleeping arrangements it's not a great plan like you said. Just be honest with her about needing a good night of sleep, which will already be hard enough with all the excitement/nerves. She might offer for all the girls to chip in for a hotel suite with enough beds for everyone and the girls night could work out. Best of luck!

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  • Givemeallthepups
    Dedicated February 2020
    Givemeallthepups ·
    • Flag
    I’ve only done this in one of the 6 weddings I’ve been a bridesmaid in and we were a very young bridal party (18-20) so it made sense. This would be a hard pass from me now that I’m not 18.
    • Reply
  • Desiree
    Dedicated April 2020
    Desiree ·
    • Flag
    I would do it for her if that’s what she wants for her day
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  • Alyssa
    Expert June 2020
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    Personally I don't think this is necessary. Sleep to me is a much bigger deal. If you have room for beds and air mattresses and having a huge slumber party is a fun thing everyone wants, go for it. But me and FH are sleeping together the night before (GASP) and taking a leisurely morning/breakfast to decompress before everything gets going.

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  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
    • Flag

    No, its not tradition. I haven't really heard of anyone doing this.

    I wanted to be left alone the night before my wedding, lol. My sister and I shared a hotel room but if I had to be with all of my bridesmaids the whole night for a sleepover I would have been overwhelmed and annoyed.

    If she relaly wants you there, I might just do it since its her wedding but I'd explain how you feel again first and she how she responds.

    Might be an unpopular opinion, but as an adult I hate sleepovers and find them so not needed.

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  • Lauren
    VIP February 2020
    Lauren ·
    • Flag

    If your bff is the bride and she really wants everyone together the night before the wedding, I think you should do it (although, I wish she had better accommodations for yall)! I wanted all of my bridesmaids to be with me the night before the wedding as my Matron of Honor did the same thing for hers, and it was so fun! My mom is paying for all of us to stay together in a hotel suite that'll accommodate all of us! After that, we'll ride together to the venue to get ready there.

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  • Megan
    Expert October 2019
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    I've never heard of this being a "tradition". I know some people who have done it for convenience. My MOH is staying at my house the night before but that's because she and her husband will be driving home together and its easier than dropping her off early in the morning with their kids (we also have a spare bedroom though...).

    I would just talk calmly with her and see if you could reach a compromise (like you come over and hang out with her but go back to your hotel for a good night sleep). Good luck.
    • Reply
  • Reena
    Dedicated July 2020
    Reena ·
    • Flag
    I have never done this as a bridesmaid. I would want to be well rested on my wedding day.
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Expert October 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    I have done this with a couple weddings and always thought it was fun so we will be doing it for mine, but you are not being unreasonable if you do not want to do it.

    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Expert October 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    Oh I missed it was her wedding. I would do it since she has asked.

    If it makes you feel better the couple I've been at we all went to bed at a decent time.

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  • Samantha
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    Do what's best for you! First and foremost!

    think she can get over a sleepover and allow you some peace and quiet before a big long day. If she cant get over it then maybe just have her stay the night. Check with the other girls and see if they're ok with meeting you the next morning, instead of being crammed like you said. My opinion is that she needs to accommodate your wants and needs.

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  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I've never heard of this actually. I'd say just do what is best for your schedule
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I HATE sleeping in rooms with anyone besides my husband and refuse to do it. We spent the night before together, but if we hadn't, I would have slept alone for sure. It's not her wedding day, it's yours. Why don't you guys all get together the night before and do face masks or watch a movie, then everyone goes home?

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  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
    • Flag

    It's not a tradition I've ever come across. Even if it were, traditions aren't laws; if you don't want to do it, you certainly don't have to. If she wants to get butthurt about it, that's on her. She can do it for her wedding; even then, she can't force anyone to take part.

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  • J
    Expert April 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't say its tradition, so I do think she's wrong on that! But since it is her wedding, I would do what the bride asks. She may just be stressed and fixating on this might be because of that!

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  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag

    Hahahaha, absolutely NOT. There's no way I would have the social or physical energy to manage a giant sleepover the night before my wedding. Honestly I wouldn't want a sleepover with 8 people even if it wasn't the night before my wedding Smiley tongue We hung out with some family and then some friends after our rehearsal dinner, then kicked everyone out at 10pm, spent a half hour alone in our hotel room with my husband before he went home, and I was in bed lights out in the hotel room BY MYSELF at 11. Considering how much trouble I had falling asleep, and the fact that I then woke up at 4:45am so jittery that I didn't fall back to sleep until 8am (and my alarm was for 9:15...) I could not have been happier that I was alone!

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  • A
    Dedicated May 2020
    Alex ·
    • Flag

    It is her wedding! You agree to be a bridesmaid, so you have to do it.


    This happened to me and my FH recently. He was in a wedding and all the groomsmen stayed that the grooms house the night before the wedding. I was stuck in a hotel by myself. It is what it is. This day isn't about you. You can do whatever you want on your day!

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  • Pamela
    Beginner February 2020
    Pamela ·
    • Flag

    THIS IS THE BRIDES DAY! Maybe you can compromise by having everyone get together for dinner the night before but then sleeping in your own place. This way you're participating but when everyone goes to sleep then you can have your quiet time. Ultimately it's the Bride's day and I believe everyone should do what they can to ensure she's happy.

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    I've never heard of that being a tradition, just an option. I don't see anything wrong with skipping a sleep over!

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