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Sandra
Dedicated May 2021

Night before

Sandra, on January 18, 2018 at 3:07 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 43
Is it rude to ask BM to stay with you the night before your wedding? I have horrible anxiety and the thought at being away from FH upsets me but I want to stick to tradition as much as possible. Has anyone else had this problem? What did you do?

Thank you.

43 Comments

Latest activity by FinallyMrs.A, on January 19, 2018 at 12:47 PM
  • L
    Devoted June 2019
    Laurel ·
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    If you’re paying for the room, I don’t see anything wrong with asking at least one of the bridesmaids to stay with you.
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  • Sunshine
    Super January 2019
    Sunshine ·
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    I stayed with DH the night before the wedding. I think inviting your girls over would be fine just don't be upset if they decline.

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  • AugustBride
    Super August 2018
    AugustBride ·
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    I personally have brought up the idea of them staying the night before. They were all on board. I am paying for the hotel also and will be using the same hotel for the wedding night~

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  • Peaches84
    Savvy September 2019
    Peaches84 ·
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    If this is the case sleep with your FH. If you are springing for the room or lodging is free than you can ask you BMs to stay with you. I prefer sleeping in my own bed and waking up and getting ready in my house where everything I need is

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  • Mrs. Fall Bride
    Master October 2016
    Mrs. Fall Bride ·
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    No, it's not rude to ask, but you can't get mad if they say no. If any of them have SO's of their own, they might prefer to stay with their SO.

    That said, if it really is giving you that much anxiety to not stay with your FH the night before, then just stay together. You can kick him out of the room first thing in the morning before you get ready and your wedding day look will still be a surprise for him. If it upsets you, sticking to the tradition is not worth the extra stress.

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  • FullerPartyof3
    Dedicated September 2018
    FullerPartyof3 ·
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    If there’s no cost involved for them, then I don’t see any problem asking.

    When my my best friend got married she, the other BM and I had a sleepover at her apartment and her FH stayed with a friend elsewhere. (It was easier that way due to their baby) and we had a great time of it! Plus both of us BMs lived two hours away from the bride, this way we didn’t have to worry the next day about traffic and whatnot.
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  • EngineerInLove
    VIP September 2018
    EngineerInLove ·
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    I stayed with one bride prior to the wedding and it was fun, we had some wine and ate snacks and played board games, then we were able to get breakfast together in the hotel restaurant.
    A few ground rules to consider:
    1. Make it optional, and pay for whatever accommodations you're offering. One BM was very early in her pregnancy and didn't want to tell the bride until after the wedding so the bride could fully enjoy her day, so she declined to stay overnight at the hotel but came over early the next morning with coffee for everyone.
    2. Make sure everyone has a comfortable sleeping option, a pullout couch at a minimum but preferably a bed. Also, make sure there are plenty of bathroom and shower options in the morning.
    3. Make it fun, not last minute DIY or other wedding things that you're expecting them to help you finish. Offer movies or games or some other low-key activity.
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  • Kylie
    Dedicated October 2018
    Kylie ·
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    I don't see a problem asking them to stay with you! If you are getting a hotel, you should probably stay in the same room and you cover the cost, or you pay for her room too.

    I am having all my BMs stay with me at my MOH's house the night before. It will be like an old time sleepover and a lot of fun!

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  • BoudreauToBe
    Master July 2018
    BoudreauToBe ·
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    Personally, I think anxiety trumps tradition, so I say do what makes you comfortable and stay with FH.

    It is not rude to ask them to stay over, as long as you are not asking them to pay for a hotel room.

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  • Mrs.Sanok
    VIP September 2018
    Mrs.Sanok ·
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    It isn't rude to ask!

    I am planning to stay at my mom's the night before. (we are all getting ready there) I am excited to have a night with the girls before hand! My sister lives at home with my mom so she will be there no matter what. I am pretty sure one of my other BM will stay the night, but I am not sure if the 3rd BM will stay the night because she has 2 little kids and is married so I understand if she says no to staying over.

    I am also thinking all the GM will spend the night together too, but I am thinking it might be at FH and I's house!

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  • BlueHenBride
    Master March 2017
    BlueHenBride ·
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    I don't think it's rude to invite then to stay with you, so long as they know they have the option to say no. Particularly if they will be attending with their SO or already made arrangements with another WP member or guest to split the cost of a room for the weekend.

    I invited my BMs to stay with me the night before. One BM decided she was more comfortable staying with her husband, daughter, and newborn son. That was totally reasonable and she and her daughter (the RB) just came upstairs the morning of the wedding and joined us in the bridal suite so we could all get ready together.
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  • Happy Hedgie
    VIP September 2018
    Happy Hedgie ·
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    It is not rude to ask but, it would be rude to insist or pressure someone if they don't want to. I would just leave it as an open suggestion "I'm booking a room at the hotel for the night before if you would like to spend the night with me just let me know" and then drop the conversation. If your bridal party is interested they will say something to you about it.

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  • EngineerInLove
    VIP September 2018
    EngineerInLove ·
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    I think the "if you would like to spend the night with me just let me know" sounds like an empty invitation that you offer to be polite but hope no one takes you up on it. Bride told us "I'm getting a big suite at the hotel and bringing snacks and games, I would love for you all to stay with me but if you can't that's alright!"
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  • caitlin
    Super May 2017
    caitlin ·
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    I have bad anxiety too, which was one of the reasons i was so glad to spend the night before the wedding with H at our hotel. plenty of people spend the night before the wedding with their partner-to-be.

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  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
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    Go ahead and ask. I'm a BM that would decline. I sleep horribly is settings that are similar to slumber parties.

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  • A
    Expert January 2019
    Anakaren ·
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    Im only blocking a hotel for the night of the wedding due to all the drinking we will be doing we won’t be able to drive back home but if I could I would stay home that’s what we’re doing the night before the wedding we’re staying and he’s leaving In the morning , he can see you the night before just not the day of the wedding while your getting dressed but honestly that’s just methods and traditions that doesn’t cause bad luck if he sees you the day before or the day of the wedding and it save you money booking the hotel only from a Saturday to Sunday
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  • TANYA
    Dedicated May 2018
    TANYA ·
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    I'm renting an 8 bedroom hpuse (airbnb) near the venue. This way we can all hang out the night before and get ready together the morning of. I am paying for it, and they all said yes (these are my closest friends)
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  • The Bride
    VIP May 2017
    The Bride ·
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    My sister stayed with me the night before my wedding and I stayed with her the night before her wedding. It was a fun girls' time and logistically it made sense.

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  • Malei
    Super October 2018
    Malei ·
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    You know what's funny is that FH was against the idea of us spending the night before together and, when I told him that it's tradition/superstition, he asked me where that came from. I couldn't find anything except that the groom shouldn't see his bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony (outdated, I know). So we're planning on spending the night before together and then separating in the morning to get ready. PLUS I know I'm not able to sleep without him by my side and the last thing I want is a sleepless night before the wedding!

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  • FutureMrs.V
    Super June 2018
    FutureMrs.V ·
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    I said "I'm getting a 2 room suite and will pay for additional rooms for any girls wishing to have a girls night the night before the wedding. Just let me know if you'd like to stay." I know I'll at least have three girls with me and that will help calm my nerves before the big day.
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