New! No "ring" but planning?

So I agree with others that you do not need a ring to be engaged, but it sound to me like he doesn't want to be engaged. Maybe you should back off and wait until he is ready to start talking about it officially.

We started planning before we had the ring, but that was because we were getting the ring in a different state and had a date to go there and purchase it. I started planning officially about a month before we made that trip.

You don't need a ring to be engaged but to me.. it doesn't sound like he is fully committed and ready to get married. (Judging by how he said soon)

Just wait, don't pressure him and he will propose.

With him saying soon enough about planning, it gives me the impression that he might have a plan for an actual proposal. That could explain his aversion to planning right now. I could be wrong so don't get your hopes up or anything lol. Either way, I would wait to start planning until he is ready.

I guess it varies.

My fiancé did not even want to talk about wedding planning UNTIL he gave me a ring. We were together for 5 years before getting engaged and every time I would bring up anything wedding related he would be like " we'll discuss when we're engaged (meaning with the ring!) there is no point to talk about this now".

Like I said - it varies. Most people here think you don't need a ring to be engaged. In my fiancé s case, you do. Go figure, haha.

Also, don't pressure him... My fiancé once told me if I pressured him, he would most likely drag it out longer, hahah! ( he HATES being pressured into things, especially something as HUGE as MARRIAGE! it IS a big deal to most people) I am so glad I did not pressure him though, because now I wont have that nagging feelings lingering inside me " what if he did it because I pressured him". it happened on its own time. Just give it time.

ETApelling

This sounds like talk about a potential future rather than an actual engagement. Until there's an actual proposed agreement between you two, you're not engaged. I would wait to set any plans or tell anyone. If he says your priorities need to be on your relationship, then he's not ready to take that step just yet.

SO and I have been together for 3 years now. About 10 months in, we talked a lot about getting married, where, possibly when, and other details, even beyond marriage. So, he said the same thing to me ("soon"). But, we still had a lot to learn about each other, get to know our habits, we had to know if we were right to be together, improve our communication, learn to live with each other, and know that we can raise a happy and healthy family together. He didn't propose until a year and a half later when we lived together for a year and we were financially stable.

The both of you need to be on the same page before you start planning a wedding. It honestly sounds like he's not ready to get married anytime soon.

My husband proposed on our 4 year anniversary.... I know the feeling. We had been living together for 3 years and had bought a house a year prior to the ring. We had discussed fall weddings and I planned and executed an amazing wedding in less than 10 months. It can be done fairly easily (I had the vendors booked by the end of March - engaged in January. I am still a bit traditional in that I wanted the ring. And my husband wanted that "engagement surprise" moment.

In the end, though, it is ultimately your decision. And if you both agree that planning the wedding before the ring is ok, then go for it.

I agree with OG Ruth.

My FH and I have lived together for two years, I never got an engagement ring but that's in our budget somewhere.

Yeah, I'm with OGRuth. While you don't need a ring to be engaged, it doesn't sound like he is interested in a wedding. If you were both truly on the same page then I don't think he would be discouraging you from planning.

You don't need a ring but you need to be on the same page about your wedding before you start planning.

My FH and I have been together almost 6 years... he proposed in October 2015 near our 5 year anniversary.

We talked about wedding stuff and already lives together for a while but I did not count us engaged until he proposed. Some say no ring needed but I disagree.

I don't think you should set things with out being proposed to, it seems too eager. But I see others that have made it work!

Hope this helps!

If he hasn't popped the question I'd stick to pinning your ideas on pinterest.... no definite plans until the question is asked.eta... my fh and I have been together for 7 years.. lived together for 4yr... and engaged for 1 yr. Planning did not take place until a month after the engagement.

I am not engaged but we have found our venue and have everything pretty much planned. We talk about it all the time. I honestly really like it. It is like our own "secret" engagement before everyone starts jumping in and adding their two cents to everything. We have decided on our venue, wedding colors, ceremony readings etc. It is giving us a chance to make our choices on what we want before we get all excited and it becomes "real"/public.

I make more than he does and he is working really hard to save up for the ring "I deserve" and he would be proud to give me. We are not technically engaged, since the big question has not been popped, but I think we are.

We also have to get moving once the question is popped. My grandma is 100 and she is hell bent on seeing me get married lol, so there is no time to waste.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Sister? If it is you, text me now.

Your intro sounds like my sis. Same opinion applies if you are not her, you don't need a ring to be engaged, all it takes is both of you ready to marry. It sounds like he may need a bit more time.

OP to me it sounds like he isn't ready to get married or be engaged. Before FH and I got engaged we always talked about how our wedding will be and how excited we are to get married, one day, but that didn't make us engaged. I feel if he hasn't actually asked you to marry him or vise versa, you're not technically engaged. Unless I misunderstood your post, when he said "soon enough" to me that means he wants to wait.

Also, my FH got me a promise ring on our 3 year, we got engaged 2 years later. Promise ring isn't an engagement ring.

I'm not sure I'll be of any help here, but my situation was rather backwards xD FH basically said "If you want to get married you should probably start doing some research" (this is totally my thing, he'd be happy w/ a JOP ceremony).

I did my research, reaching out to venues and figuring out budget. I went back to him maybe six months later and told him "Hey, I'm ready to start calling people and setting up appointments to go look at venues". We booked our return trip to Japan where he proposed, and then I started locking vendors in.

We've also got another set of friends who haven't actually 'popped the question', but they've got a venue booked and the bride found her dress.

I agree w/ PPs, you don't need a ring to be engaged, but if FH is wanting to be part of the planning process, you need to be on the same page. In my case, FH is cool with anything I want so long as he gets to wear comfy shoes).

Call me old fashioned, but I didn't call us engaged until he officially proposed. We have lived together for 3 years. He started talking about potential venues/dates. We actually found our now REAL venue this way online. But it was all a pipe dream until he proposed with my ring.

It sounds like he hasnt proposed... no proposal=not engaged=no wedding planning

Edit: Ring is not necessary but proposal is