New! No "ring" but planning?

We started planning last April. Which we needed to do to book the venue, caterer, photographer, etc. But we didn't get engaged till September.

We had a date for 5 months before we were "officially" engaged. It really didn't matter.

How old are you both?

I get that it feels a lot more serious when you live together and you both may feel basically "married". FH and I have been together 5+ years and have lived together over three years. He proposed at 4 years and 4 months and the ONLY thing that changed in life was adding the wedding planning. I already felt like his wife and people assumed I was. I just went with it

That being said, IMO I think it's really weird to make any actual wedding plans prior to being proposed to. I'm not saying that you can't make your Pinterest boards or have ideas. But calling vendors and all for an imaginary date and time is weird.

They are soo right , it will come

I agree with Olivia ... you don't need a ring to be engaged. FH proposed to me without a ring and it stayed that way for 4 months... we started planning seriously shortly after getting my e-ring and telling our families.

Early on we decided that we would have 1 day per week where we would talk about wedding stuff and otherwise not discuss it... unless something urgent came up. FH and I didn't want all of our convos to be about the wedding so this rule has worked well for us.

Maybe you should set some boundaries like this with him and he won't feel like your house will turn into a wedding planning war room.

I agree with @BeMyGuest. My FH and I knew we wanted to get married this summer so we started booking things in Jan '16. We got officially engaged in May '16. Do what works for you and your man. Try not to let your family pressure you.

So he's not getting you a ring because "your priority should be your relationship and your love"? Is that what he said? I'm sorry, that's super lame. What does that even mean? It's true that you don't need a ring to be engaged, but you should both be on the same page. I would have a discussion about expectations. If you don't want to set a date or plan a wedding without a ring, let him know that. Maybe you can look at rings together.

@Vicki He's 30 and I'm 28. I haven't been calling anyone or booking anything! We have discussed a specific date but he hasn't given me the go ahead which is why I haven't. I did purchase a reception dress online because it went on sale though haha

@bemyguest your scenario makes me feel a lot better and sounds a lot like us

Thanks all for the responses so quickly!

@roman holiday I like your one day a week idea. I feel he may go for that.

@OP I'd wait for the ring if I was you. FH and I discussed generally when we'd like to get married (season, year).

I'm excited for you; when the ring comes it will be a dream come true!

I don't have an ering and we don't plan on getting one, but my FH did have an idea of when he wanted us to get married. I brought it to his attention that I was okay with any date but if he was set on September to keep in mind the venues we would consider would book at least a year in advance. This woke him up and he started to look and help me plan lol

I am engaged with no ring, we have been planning for a couple months. You don't need a ring to be engaged. All he has to do is ask you to marry him, or vice versa if you'd like.

@rachel neither of us refer to ourselves as engaged to other people. I would not do so I don't think until we book a venue. His bride comments are flirty, but the marriage discussions are more serious.

The month is important to me because it has family significance, and he is supportive and on board with that. But hasn't wanted to pick a day. It confuses me too.

My FH and I aren't officially engaged (no ring and haven't announced it to extended family) but we have already thought about colors, and the type of wedding we want to have and we know what date we are hoping for though are flexible once we actually choose a venue. We have also looked at venue options just to see what is out there in our area and in our price range. He loves to tease me about how he already has every little detail of the proposal planned because I'm very impatient and he knows it drives me crazy. Our situation is a little different though, he is in the military and I am in college in different states so our planning will take a little more effort (he wants to be very involved and we aren't hiring a planner unless it begins to get overwhelming) which is why we have began now without the ring. I think you should just bring it to his attention that for spring of 2018, you have to book vendors 10-12 months in advance, then you will know if he's really serious about getting married next year!

My FH and I talked about getting married all of 2015-16, he asked me without a ring in the middle of the night in September 2016, and told me not ask, Lol to try on the ring he got me for Christmas! It worked because that's us, we aren't traditional.

I spent so much time looking at rings and trying them on (alone) that I hated every one but the one he picked out was nothing like any of the ones I tried on.

Don't nag, that's what I did! Lol when he's ready he'll do it. He took soooo long to set a date so in my head I thought all of this was a joke until randomly one day while he was playing the game and I was making dinner he blurted out a date! Lol

He hates planning so my family says he's inconsiderate but he does help when I tell him too. Sometimes a little push is what they need if they're dragging their feet. Hope this helps! I've been in your shoes so I know how you feel, here to help!!!

You don't need a ring to be engaged. My DH surprised me with a ring a few months after we decided to get married; the venue had already been booked at that point and planning was moving along nicely. Our parents knew within a week of us making the decision to get married as we wanted to tell them face-to-face.

Like others said you don't need a ring to be engaged but you do need to be on the same page. Everyone who started planning without the ering were planning together. It seems like you are on a different page then he is. If you are going to start planning then I think you need to have a serious convo with to see where he is at. From the way the OP was worded I would wait on planning. Doesn't seem like he is as ready as you are.

My FH and I have been together almost 6 years. He proposed without a ring over 2 years ago and picked ring out together but he wouldn't commit to a date. I stopped asking and had almost given up that the marriage would even happen. I had always told him that I needed at least a year for planning. It wasn't until we went to a good friends wedding ( that was a HUGE mess full of everyone one of the don't do items) I didn't realize that was the only wedding he had been to but it must have put him in some type of way though cause we actually picked our date while at their wedding discussing how ours would NOT be anything like the one we where at. LOL We had plenty of time to talk since their wedding started 2 hours late and was self everything.... My FH even said if our was like this we would stop and try again the next year. Lol

I agree with OliviaP. You don't need a ring to be engaged. If you are BOTH on the same page on moving forward and taking the next step you're good. FH hasn't officially proposed but we have both been on board with planning and getting this booked for our date May 2018. I hope everything works out with you both and I'm sorry your family is pressuring you. That's NO fun to deal with.

I agree that you don't need a ring to be engaged but you do need two people who want to be engaged and it doesn't sound like he wants that.

You don't need a ring to be engaged but it does not sound like he's ready to actually plan a wedding.

It does sound like its his intent to marry you, but he's not quite ready to make it official yet.