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Devoted December 2021

New future in-laws

Asia, on August 16, 2020 at 8:59 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 24

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How did You deal with in-laws that didn’t seem to receptive of the proposal/wedding?

I’m a great reader of people. I can tell when it’s just “smoking mirrors.”
My FH has an 8yo child with another woman. We do not have kids. I don’t have kids period. His dad and his wife (FH step mom) welcomed me with open arms. Easygoing and has offered to help in planning.
FH MOM on the other hand, has challenged everything I do and makes it a point to uplift my FH child’s mother. I’m sure they have a relationship which is perfectly fine. But you would think you would be accepting to someone that will go to hell and back for your blood. But definitely not. It first it use to bother me. Now that I have a ring. I really do not care.
FH does not have an extremely close relationship with his mom but he IS respectful.I’m the bulldog in his life now and stand up for mine.
It’s just frustrating. Because I would like a relationship but it definitely is not a requirement at this point. I didn’t change to get my FH, he accepted me for me and loves me for it so I sure am not changing anything to please a person that’s not genuinely accepting of my place in her son’s life.
Dads are easy. But moms tho ugh!

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24 Comments

Latest activity by Future Mrs.Randolph, on October 19, 2020 at 3:23 PM

Master October 2020
Yasmine · on August 16, 2020 at 9:03 AM
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See it’s completely opposite with my fiance and I. Me and his mom have the best relationship ever but it’s his father and his wife who we have a problem with. I’m at the point where I honestly don’t care and my fiancé is 100% on my side because we’ve done nothing wrong. So he and his dad rarely talk now but it doesn’t bother him anymore. He’s completely fine with it and says he’s grown and can choose whatever he wants!
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Devoted December 2021
Asia · on August 16, 2020 at 9:45 AM
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At least I know I’m not alone. It’s not fault I came later in life and you have a grandchild. That’s life. He be made it clear that she needs to get with the program or get “cut off.” I thought it would cause a rift but it doesn’t. I saw him tear up yesterday because I told her straight up I have him 1000 and don’t care whether ANY one likes me. But I will never let anyone treat him crazy!
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Expert November 2020
Annika · on August 16, 2020 at 11:09 AM
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Sounds like a tough situation! Your FMIL probably just misses your FH's ex and their relationship. Unfortunately there isnt much you can do but prove you're going to be a great step mom and that the kid is a priority in your life and hope that she warms up to you. ❤
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Devoted December 2021
Asia · on August 16, 2020 at 11:24 AM
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We will see. But the thing it was over when the baby was born so 7 years.... and the ex has a man, beeeeeeen had a man. FH has dated but nothing serious until me. FH is a great father and supports financially and I am his helper.

But I get it and don’t at the same time. Lol
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Expert November 2020
Annika · on August 16, 2020 at 11:27 AM
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Sometimes moms can be fiercely protective even when they don't neccesarily need to. I would give it time and just "kill her with kindness" and see how she changes her attitude. If she doesnt and continues to be hateful, reevaluate your relatio ship with her and maybe its not so important that you be close. Ca3nt have a one way street in a relationship!
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Devoted December 2021
Asia · on August 16, 2020 at 11:29 AM
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Definitely true Annika. Pretty name btw lol
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Expert November 2020
Annika · on August 16, 2020 at 11:32 AM
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Thanks!! Its Norwegian! My great x2 grandparents immigrated from there and my mom lived there for 4 years when her dad was on a job assignment, and so my mom has some deep roots there and wanted to name her kids with traditional norwegian names. She stopped after me though because she was worried about bullying and people not knowimg how to say it. Lol
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Devoted December 2021
Asia · on August 16, 2020 at 11:37 AM
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Well it’s absolutely beautiful. Love it!
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Dedicated December 2021
Roane · on August 16, 2020 at 12:03 PM
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My fiance's mom isn't too hype either. She didn't even pick up when we called her after he proposed, and just answered "ok" when he texted her a picture.
They already had a pretty rocky relationship and then he came out and introduced me and it's like she's had the same bad-smell look on her face ever since. Probably just got stuck that way...
And his dad and stepmom are fine, same as yours. His dad is even going to be his best man. Can't wait for that tantrum from his mom 🙄
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on August 16, 2020 at 1:13 PM
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It’s sad but oh well. My fiancé has also cut off some of his family and I would do the same if my family treated him that way. But the crazy part is that my family LOVESSSSS my fiancé! But girl I feel the same exact way, Idc who doesn’t like it at this point 🤷🏾‍♀️
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Expert September 2020
· on August 16, 2020 at 1:14 PM
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My husband’s mom is the same, she has a problem with pretty much every decision I make and now every decision my husband and i make together. Basically if its not how she would have done it, its wrong. But if she is ever judgmental I try not to take it personally, I never confront her about it (even though if she was anyone else I would), cause I know if I dont get along with her it’ll affect my relationship. It bothers me A LOT but over the years we have started to have a better relationship. Kill her with kindness, show her how much you love her son and his child and she will have to come around to you eventually
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Dedicated November 2021
Cheryl · on August 16, 2020 at 2:52 PM
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Well, if your FH has already told his mom to get onboard and she is still being shady, it might be time to cut your losses. If it were ME, I'd have a heart to heart with her and flat out ask why she behaves the way she does. She may tell you the truth, or she may play the victim, but you don't know until you try, right? I would tell FH "okay, babe, this is what I'm going to do" and make sure he has your back on the matter. I'm not saying be confrontational, and maybe start the conversation on a low-key level like "look, I know you love your son and I love your son, but I get the feeling that you're not real happy with me. Is there a reason for this?" Or something along those lines. It might just be may age and the fact that I just don't have time anymore for pettiness and stupid games, but I'm all for putting it out there and letting folks know what's ok and what's not. If there's a problem, let's see if we can work it out. If I try and you don't want to meet me in the middle, later for you. Ain't nobody got time fa dat! KWIM?
On another note...don't go painting all MIL's with the same brush. LOL I'm a great MIL and my DIL and I have a great relationship (as a matter of fact, she's a bridesmaid in my wedding). We're not all evil. LOL IJS
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Devoted December 2021
Asia · on August 16, 2020 at 6:36 PM
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Lol. Definitely. I was quiet about it at first and would exit out a conversation. But this weekend I had enough. Because it started to feel like an POLITE attack! Lol but me and my FH on the same page. We y’all about stuff like this. I am a straightforward person. Only was a little more patient because essentially it’s two families coming as one. But I find it so weird. Both his parents remarried and they are definitely friendly.

They don’t live close to us either. So I don’t take too kindly to driving 6hrs to not being embraced. Not saying I wanna be all under her at all. But my family had no problems opening arms to my FH. So I can’t really accept it lol.
Maybe she will come around if not, EH! Lol His step mom loves me lol 😂 I guess because we are both outsiders lol I shouldn’t say that lol 😂
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Devoted December 2021
Asia · on August 16, 2020 at 6:43 PM
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I agree. Because if she was anybody else LORD knows. lol but I’m trying lol
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Devoted December 2021
Asia · on August 16, 2020 at 6:47 PM
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I’m going to be oh so extra!!!!!! WIFE!!!! MRS!!!!
But same here my people love him. They never make him feel like an outsider. Ever! Not even on the first meet. But I’m good with that. I don’t play about mine lol
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Devoted December 2021
Asia · on August 16, 2020 at 6:54 PM
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Omg you soooo get me! Like lady stop the madness. But gets upset when I don’t even attempt to care about it anymore. I planned to have a dinner in his home town for people that can’t travel. She basically said ain’t nobody gone come. I made it a point to say “whoever don’t wanna come, don’t have to!”
Dad and Step mom wants to help and the step mom was like did fh mom wanna help I just gave a look like “yeah right!” Me and my FH make good money but I’m not in the business of “buying love.” Not forcing ppl MOM or not to be involved if they do not want to. Her and the child’s mother can stay home and gossip on the phone being miserable all they want. We’re happy and super excited!
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Dedicated November 2021
Cheryl · on August 16, 2020 at 7:30 PM
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I hear you. I don't have in-law issues since my FH's parents both passed long before I met him. MY parents (2 sets since each is remarried) are cool with him. So thank goodness for all that. But as long as you and the FH are cool and on the same page, that's what matters most. Leave the door open for her in case she comes to her senses, but if wants to stay completely out her damn mind, then that's on her. She can lonely and miserable by her damn self and will have no one but herself to blame. At least that how I see it. You do you, girl. Stay strong, beautiful!
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on August 16, 2020 at 8:59 PM
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Same 💁🏾‍♀️🤣🤣
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on August 17, 2020 at 5:12 AM
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My FIL was ... somehow shocked? when DH was like, "I'm proposing." (We had been together 6 years at that point.)
But, FIL had ... somehow decided that I never spoke to him (I tried for a while, but he ignored me, so I developed a relationship with MIL), that I didn't make DH happy, and that ... I dunno, I'd bought a condo and involved DH in decorating it because I wasn't serious about the relationship? I'd always said to DH, "hey, your dad doesn't like me." DH: lulz, no, he's fine. After that convo, DH to me: "oh." Me: *facepalm*
(MIL totally stood up for me and was like, "YOU DON'T TALK TO HER.... why would she talk to you???" So, MIL rocks.)
We ended up having some VERY awkward conversations, and we're still poking around a firmer relationship, but we're getting there. (It helps that he's met and bonded with my dad and stepmom.) So much of it was DH standing his ground, and being like, "...if she doesn't make me happy, why in the world would I date her for so long, move in with her, and want to marry her??"
TL; DR: yeah, been there with my FIL. With some work and patience, we're getting there.
As you said, this is on your FH. He needs to defend you and draw those boundaries. I'm glad he's doing it.
On a different note, though, don't be afraid to walk away if relationships are toxic. (We do not talk to my mother, and DH will tell her where she can go if she tries. He knows the scars she's left.)
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Devoted December 2021
Asia · on August 17, 2020 at 11:05 PM
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Omg the bottom is so me. My side at the wedding will mostly be close friends... and his family! Oh well. I’m not in the business of feeding ppl that’s there to judge and not celebrate. Sooooo yeah my mom not dad are invited to our wedding. My mom is toxic. I’m just more Lenient with my FH mom because I’m coming in to the family. But he made it clear he won’t stand for it.

But yes, I feel like a stranger. I’m so at peace when we go home tho lol
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New future in-laws

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