New friend, new bridesmaid?

I'm going through the exact same thing with a new friend! I'm interested in what others have to say about this. My main concern is a lot can happen between now and the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Same! I'm looking forward to hearing people's thoughts on this!

She’s already helping and sort of taking on the role of a bridesmaid anyways, so I’m sure she would appreciate you making it official. Whst better way to let her know how much you appreciate her! A year is a fresh friendship but it’s not like you met her last month, I would say go for it!!

I don't know the etiquette behind it. Clearly she knows you already had a party picked out. I would just phrase it in such a way that she's been by your side through the whole process and you'd love her to be by your side on your big day as well or something. It's not a second choice...just a new friendship and I would be honored.

It may be too soon. In my experience friendships that form really quickly have a higher chance of fizzling out.
Why not ask her to do a reading? This way she doesn’t feel like second string to the BMs you chose before, and it’s still an “honor” that you’re asking her. She can also get ready with you that morning if you want.
I asked two college friends who I’m still pretty close to but not AS close as my BMs (2 sisters, a good friend for the past 8 years who I see regularly, and my best friend for the past 25 years). They were really excited to be asked.

I think its perfectly fine! She is already acting as a bridesmaid and its your wedding, if you want her by your side in celebration with you that day then I say go for it!

View Quoted Comment I hear what you're saying, and I totally understand how fast friendships can be short-lived. A little background on my bridesmaids may help with everyone's opinions.

My current BM situation is like this:

My older step-sister is my MOH - we we're super close in college, but after college she struggled with alcoholism and as much as I wanted to be there for her, I was pushed away again and again. She's in recovery now, and she was always supposed to be my MOH and so I wasn't going to change that.

My little sister - she is 16 and kind of a brat, but I still love her so she is in the wedding.

My cousin(step) - we are the same age and she lives 1300 miles away, but every time we see each other, we instantly click again.

My FH's sister - she and I are the same age and we get along well, and I felt like she deserved a place in the wedding.

My BFF from college - we have actually only known each other for about as long as my FH and I have been together, just under 3 years. I love her to death.

My oldest friend - she is that friend that no matter how long it's been since you've seen her, you always have a good time.

Anyways, all of them live far away and it would be so nice to have someone that's literally 5 minutes away to help with wedding stuff. I also feel bad because she has helped so much with it, but isn't a bridesmaid so she doesn't get any "recognition" I guess. Also, we aren't very religious and I don't think we plan on doing a reading any sort.

My best friend is someone I met three years ago, we clicked immediately, no awkward period and have been inseparable since. I consider her one of my soul mates! If I had been getting married within months of meeting her I would have def asked her to be in the wedding party. I say if you want her there and you should ask her, what if's are in every aspect of your life & if you assume that your friendship will fizzle out, it will.

View Quoted Comment Love this advice, thank you! I'm a firm believer in the things you give attention to are the things that happen, be it good or bad.

My matron of honor and I were like that when we first met at a mutual friends cabin. I think you can have friend soul mates. We have known each other for almost 10 years at this point and she's still my best friend! I think the people in your wedding should be those you feel closest to and that isn't always dictated by the length of time you've known each other.

I feel like because she’s been helping with everything and knows the situation I feel like she would understand that’s she’s not
this “b-list” bridesmaid. I would word it and let her know how much you have appreciated her help with everything and you would
be honored to have her by your side... I don’t think it matters how long she’s been your friend matters if she should or shouldn’t be your bridesmaid- if you feel strongly about her being by your side then do it it’s your wedding! And have fun!

I think it is acceptable to invite her into the bridal party at this stage. If you are seeing her nearly every weekend, I don't think the friendship would fizzle out in the next six months. It's not like she is a replacement bridesmaid, so she shouldn't have any hard feelings about being asked later than the other bridesmaids.

View Quoted Comment I love this wording!

View Quoted Comment A reading can be a poem, it doesn’t have to be religious.
You understand that it’s not your bridal party’s job to help plan your wedding, right? They’re not obligated to do anything other than show up wearing the dress you chose within the budget they gave you.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I understand that it's not their responsibility to plan my wedding, but in my opinion if they're my friends, they would want to be involved and help me make tough decisions. I'm not requiring their assistance with anything, but I would like their opinions if they have them.

Here is my feedback- I was that friend once in a wedding.
i didn’t know anyone and everyone had known the bride since childhood. It was embarrassing at her bridal shower because everyone had these GREAT and hilarious stories to tell and I was like “remember last weekend, yeah that was so fun?”.......
we had a group chat with her bridesmaids where the MOH would ask “who can cover XX cost” and no one would respond for a week so I’d say “I’ll do it”. I spent 1200$ total towards her parties and wedding. A month before her wedding she sat me down to tell me her bridal party was upset that I was “taking away” from them being able to help. I showed her the messages to prove I was not the bad guy here and it created a ton of drama. Her MOH was the only person who thanked me and had my back. She got really snappy towards me a few days before the wedding and told me to remove myself from the group chat to let the other girls take care of things- so I respected her wishes and it made her wedding really uncomfortable for me. Her bachelorette party was all of them having a wonderful time telling stories and reminiscing and me getting drunk lol all her party ended up ditching her (every single one of those 8 girls) to go to the bars they wanted to- everyone basically separated- and I was the only one who went with her wherever she wanted to. I made sure she got home okay and the next day her friends complained that I “stole” her and that’s why they couldn’t find her. She knew the truth and she was so upset- she was arguing for my sake and it was unnecessary bc I could NOT have cared any less at this point. I felt like her bffs were talking about me the whole time at that wedding. Side eye to the new girl. I hated every last minute of that wedding. Every 👏🏽Last 👏🏽Minute👏🏽. The SECOND she released us and said we could leave, I was out of there. I let her and her bffs enjoy the day together which SUCKED for me because I paid a lot of money towards that dang wedding and I did want to be there.
Three years later and we hardly even talk to each other anymore. We haven’t hung out in almost a year. We’re still very friendly and we don’t have anything against one another but the truth is I was a “phase” friend to her. That’s not an issue for me, but looking back I wish I would not have been a part of that wedding because we might be better friends now if all her “real besties” didn’t have grudges against me.

Now or I am NOT saying that your friend is a phase friend for you. Friendships are awesome and they all start somewhere. I’m just asking you to consider if this is the best thing to do in your friendship right now.

My MOH is someone I met at work 2 years ago...we clicked and have become best friends who are inseparable. We had been friends less than 4 months when I decided I wanted her as my MOH. I definitely think your friend deserves to be a bridesmaid if you really want her to be one.

Do it! Every relationship is a risk.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your honesty here! I really appreciate your point of view! I think that my situation is a little different in that none of them really know each other to begin with. So, in a sense, they're all the new girls lol.

I moved around a lot as a kid and met most of my closest friends in the later years of college. They're all from different points I my life, some family, some friends from work, one I've known since kindergarten.. etc. I think this is definitely something I will take into consideration, though.

Thanks again for your feedback!

View Quoted Comment You could easily call or text them though. Even FaceTime.
One of my BMs lives far away and we FaceTimed while I was dress shopping. It was fine.
I agree with @Michelle and that sounds like an awful experience. “Phase friends” (good phrase) are real.