need to vent

Well, why would you plan a 200 guest wedding when you and your FH discussed and agreed on something small and intimate? I would feel stressed knowing that I went agaist my future spouse's desires as well. It's his wedding just as much as it is yours and you're not taking his opinions into consideration. At this point, there's not much you can do except apologize since you're so close to your wedding date.

View Quoted Comment I asked him about it when I said I was getting a venue and he was whatever you want , you plan it and I’ll just show up.


Well after a down payment was put on the venue that’s when he decided to say something and i asked him before a down payment was put down.

I already feel bad I told him sorry bout it but that it’s to late.
Sorry if anyone thinks I’m a awful person too after reading this.
Thanks for anyone time for reading my post. Now regret posting it because feel like I’m gonna be judged now.

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Sounds like you guys are having a hard time communicating. Perhaps he thought "OK Venue for our small wedding" not "She's going to flip the script and get something that's not what we talked about."

Did you guys sit down together and do a guest list together? He really may have been under the assumption that since ya'll discussed small that's what you were basing decisions off of. If it's not, that should have been discussed in detail with him first. Is it too late to pair down the guest list and have what you envision on a smaller scale?

If you both agreed on a small wedding, why did you invite 200 people? All you can do now is say sorry

I think all you can do is apologize for what's happened here and see what can be done between now and your wedding to make him feel like it's still his event, too. I am also having a massive wedding that was not what I'd hoped for (family pressures) and it can really sometimes feel like it's all for someone else (the parents) and not us. So, I understand what your fiancé is feeling. It's really important that you sit him down now and figure out specific ways to make sure he has a great time at your wedding. What elements will inject his personality into the event? Is there a specific song, food, game, etc. that will make him feel like the wedding represents both him and you as a couple? Is he worried about "entertaining" 200 people? Because that's my biggest fear- that I'll have to spend the whole night conversing with a ton of people when I'd rather just have some intimate moments with my husband. I know I felt better once my fiancé and I came up with strategies for talking to our guests but also basically scheduling some moments alone.

Well it does sound like you changed your mind and the wedding is now what you currently want instead of what you and your FH originally talked about. The reason he is saying its your wedding is because its the wedding you want, not what he wants.

Frankly I think he has every right to not feel like its his wedding if its completely different than what he envisioned for himself, and completely different than what you both agreed upon when you first talked about getting married. He's deferring to you because he wants you to be happy, and a 200 person wedding was never in his plan for himself, so he doesn't feel involved and doesn't feel like the event reflects him. It's what you want so it's your wedding, because his wishes aren't being honored. How would you feel if it were the opposite?

I'm not sure how far along in the planning you are or when your wedding is, but if possible, you should talk to him and find out a way to compromise so that the wedding feels like it represents what you both want. Maybe its not a 30 person event but maybe its not a 200 person event either. There may still be time to change your plans - you may be able to use a smaller space at the same venue and downside your catering order. If you are the only one happy with the size and cost of the wedding, maybe you need to take a step back and figure out what would make your FH happy. Marriages are about compromise and your wedding should represent that.

What made you decide on such a big wedding after you and your FH had already agreed to keep it small?

View Quoted Comment We didn’t agree to keep it small we talked bout it but was never set in stone.


And my thought process if I’m gonna spend a thousand or two on a venue for 50 people I rather invite our entire family then just immediate

I originally decided to get a venue instead of doing it at his mom back yard because my great grandmaw was wheel chair bound. But she recently pass away.
But it is not to late to change anything.

I told him sorry I feel awful. And I regret posting this because it making me feel worst

My only comment is $10,000 for 200 people!?!? 🤯🤯🤯 (that's my mind being blown).

View Quoted Comment Is that good or bad ?

View Quoted Comment I think that is crazy cheap. Is that just the reception and food or the entire wedding (decorations, clothes, DJ, officiant, ect)?

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True but you should also get input from the person you are marrying since it is their wedding as well. You want big, he wants small, compromise and find a middle ground. Marriage is all about compromise and communication.

I should say affordable not cheap.

View Quoted Comment Now adding all my numbers it’s closer to 11,000 /12000
Our venue is owned by the cater. So venue , catering /alcohol & decorating plus minster 7,000
Dj- 400Wedding cake - 450Dress-1000Photographer-1000Flowers are the only thing we haven’t got price on I just went recently but we quoting it around 500

I have my dad and my mom both splinting it. Plus got my step grandmaw and FMIL helping.
So my parents / a few family are getting the big stuff. My fiancé and I are getting the small stuff His Tux , party favors , wedding party gifts invitations etc So just my fiancé and I spent on our own is ill estimate 500 (still need to buy some stuff so don’t know exact #)

Did you go over the guest list with him when it went from 50 people to 200? I mean, even if the 50 person wedding wasn’t set in stone you already knew that’s what he wanted. If you didn’t discuss the extending the guest list to 200 people with him, he’s not wrong about it being your wedding then.

View Quoted Comment Yes I discussed it with him and he didn’t say anything till after the down payment was put down

View Quoted Comment Wow. Well anyway, it doesn't make you feel better, but 200 is a lot. I originally wanted like 40 and compromised to 90.
I really don't have any advice other then maybe have a separate private ceremony?

View Quoted Comment I think the plan is our wedding will start at 6 and end at 10:30
And thinking he wanting who ever wants to come to his moms we will have a little thing over there but not sure if that will happen yet or not.