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Jai
VIP May 2020

Need to vent

Jai, on March 6, 2021 at 12:14 AM

Posted in Married Life 48

I'm upset as I'm writing this, but need to vent since this WW community has been supportive to me in the past. My husband went out tonight to a bar with his best friend who is single; that's fine because I decided to do a double at work and just got off at 1130pm. Well I go to call him after work...
I'm upset as I'm writing this, but need to vent since this WW community has been supportive to me in the past. My husband went out tonight to a bar with his best friend who is single; that's fine because I decided to do a double at work and just got off at 1130pm. Well I go to call him after work and he isn't answering. I text him and no response. When he does answer he tells me he's at a different bar then the one he's originally at. He was supposed to be home by 1130 and still isn't. He doesn't even communicate with me to tell me he will be home late.I don't mind that he goes, but at least communicate you're somewhere new. His excuse for not communicating is that the bar is loud and he's trying to hook his friend up with a girl. So thats more important than talking to me? Then he tells me he's driving them home, well he's borderline drunk. I feel like I wanna lose my crap. When I tell him how this makes me feel (this is the second time he's done this) he brushes it off like it's no big deal. We are currently in couples therapy. We just got married in May. Since this is the second time this has happened I don't know what to do. If this how it's gonna be when he goes out drinking then I don't think he should anymore. Like why get obliterated to the point common sense goes out the window? He even tells me I can't expect common sense when he drinks. Please offer some advice for me. Supportive.

48 Comments

  • A
    Devoted May 2021
    Ally ·
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    Does he have a drinking problem? Most people have at least some control over what they do when they drink unless they cant stop. Its either that or just a lack of respect for you. Unfortunately a drinking problem would be easier to fix than just a lack of respect
  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    It's a drinking problem. He has had a dui before and has zero impulse control when it comes to alcohol
  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    He has to want to actively seek help. Until he (or anyone) makes that step on his own, they rarely if ever view themselves as being in the wrong with the problem.

  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Yep that is true
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I'm so sorry hunni. That is tough. Definitely bring it up in counselling
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I'm going to echo Michelle, here.

    If your therapist is saying to get out, that's.... HUGE. That's not really a normal thing for therapists to say - they usually try to get you to make that decision on your own. Your therapist is *VERY* concerned for your safety and mental health.

    I remember that you have come in and posted about how your husband and his family have hurt you, before.

    I'm concerned that you are willing to put up with this.

    I've been in relationships where I thought I loved someone, no matter how much they hurt me. That was my trauma talking.

    Please, listen to your therapist.

  • F
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
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    You are doing couples therapy to discuss it: VERY good news. Some guys wouldn't even consider the option.
    However , I'm not sure why
    "he feels as though nothing is wrong" after you said "Because if I did to him what he did to me...he would be so angry and he wouldn't like it, and has even said so."
  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Look ill handle my marriage. Thanks for your comments.
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