Need help on a non-legal marriage.

You do realize that if you have done certain things together, you may be common law married already, right? Its different in different places, but here in Texas, if you write your name as mrs. so and so on three different legal forms, tell other people you are married, or proclaim yourselves to each other to be married, that makes you common law. In another state (i think colorado) if you so much as open a utilities account together, you are common law married. You might want to check into that.

Otherwise, i think what you are planning would be a huge waste of money and wrong to ask anyone to witness it. If you want to marry the guy, marry him and help him build his credit. If you dont want to marry him, dont. Having a fake wedding wont help anything and you would be hard-pressed to find an officiant who would agree to do it.

I am NOT 100% sure about this, but depending on the state you live in, if he starts bankruptcy proceedings BEFORE you are legally married, they can't include you in any of it even after you do become legally married...

Like I said, I'm not 100% about that, but it happened with my Uncle and his now wife, so it might be that way for you too. And if it is, then go ahead and get married!

I personally would spend the money helping him work on his finances rather than on a commitment ceremony. If you do decide to do it refer to it as a commitment ceremony and not a wedding. But when you have people ask why you aren't getting married and you explain it's because of the finances they may feel like you're doing this just to get gifts/money.

This is absolutely no offense, but if your bf has to file bankruptcy, isnt that a BIG sign you CANT afford a wedding? If anything you have it backwards, get married but do JOP. Like Angel said, doing a non-legal wedding in your financial circumstances, is a waste of money. Your money I'd assume, if you're the one with good credit. Also, do you really want to legally or non-legally tie your life to a man who's finances are so bad he has to file bankruptcy? You can be committed the rest of your lives just by staying exclusive & living together. You dont need a ring or wedding to do that.

If you've been together for 7 years, you're not exactly in a rush to get married. I'd wait til his finances are more stable. Even if it's not legal, spending money on a wedding, rather than spending it on fixing bills & debt, isnt the smartest choice

Its not common law here unless you have lived together for 7 year with both of your names on the house. Our house is in my name only. I dont look at it as a waste of money, we are neither religious nor do we want anything to do with the government. But we would both like to have a ceremony to celebrate with our friends and family committing to each other. We see it as if we promise each other that is all we need. And we are huge family people and it would mean the world for them to be there. Nothing huge and fancy but outdoors and just sweet. I know this is different to alot of people but that is how we feel. I dont want cards or gifts just everyone there to celebrate. I just do not know if this will offend my traditional friends and family.

married in "god's eyes" if you attend a church or you can go to one and ask them to do a quick privet ceremony.

i have several family members who had this type of wedding.

just know some places, like california does not recognize this type of union. and if one of you should... leave this life... the other has no rights to there property at all.

Get his finances straight first, then have the wedding - legal or not. I'm not one to care for the "legality" of marriage, and do think it's just a piece of paper. Plenty of officiants will do "commitment" ceremonies.

But, as other have stated (specifically Nafina), you should probably wait until he's out of the financial danger zone - legal or not. Spend your money wisely.

So if it's a must for you to have a non-legal wedding, do it more like a vow renewal. Dont spend thousands of dollars, when you know you cant afford it. I mean seriously, not to be mean, but why on earth are YOU paying for things? Your bf is bad enough off to file bankruptsy, just saying that's not a good sign. If you absolutely feel the need to have a wedding, keep it simple & inexpensive.

I was the "breadwinner" in my relationship for the first 1 1/2 yr, there was no way in hell I'd blow my money on anything expensive, & I refused to marry FH until he could become more financially stable. No matter how you're relationship is, men need to be men, they need to stand up to the plate.

He is very stubborn and doesnt want my help. And it will not cost nearly what a wedding would. We help out alot in our community and have lots of friends that are willing to help us. I have a free venue(our first date!), a friend offered his photography skills, discount on food, table and chairs and a free "preacher" to do the ceremony. I can make all my decorations and invitations as well.

Dani, it sounds like you've already made up your mind to do it. Your traditional family and friends probably will be offended though because unless you specifically say, the only gift we request is your love and support or something like that and you don't register, people will assume you want checks. I think you can tell overall we all agree it's not the best idea, but of course you're going to do what you want.

And he does make decent money he just works to pay his bills. I know where all of his money goes. This is why I am ok paying for more. He has great credit (for now). I just don't know if its wrong to ask people to come to something like this or what to even write on the invite.

Whether or not you are common-law married will depend on the state that you live in. Neither VA nor MD recognize common-law marriage.

I don't think it is wrong to invite friends and family to a commitment ceremony. You really don't have to tell anyone one way or the other whether or not you are legally married.

All you have to do is send out invitations to the commitment ceremony and answer questions when asked. Sometimes less information is enough.

I mean, who goes to someones wedding and asks them to PROVE that they are legally married? I am sure that there are people who have weddings who never actually go to the courthouse and get legally married (I don't know any personally, but I am sure it happens)...

I think if you don't call it a wedding and in no way intend it to be called that then go for. i know alot of people who can get married because of thiss . but just to lwt you know my mom is filling bankruptcy to and she is married but since her name is only on my car not on the house or thier cars its not going to effect his good credit just some thing to loook at but like i said if yall don't want to be legally married don't its yall choice . also its much different being married and engaged in my opinion good luck sweetie

Thank you everyone for all of your input. I really respect what you have all said.

What is your income:debt ratio? And what do you think a wedding would cost? How much are you planning on spending?

We can afford a 5k wedding, sans taking care of debt. But cleaning up financial mess is more important, so we arent spending more than 3k. That's still alot of money when you're broke & have debt. That's with our 2 incomes.

I'm just saying, if this is something that you're dead set on doing, analyze your expenses, make sure that even the simplest party wont put your finances in a worse place.

So you want to throw a BBQ? And have someone say some words about you two being committed to each other?

Give us a better idea of what you ACTUALLY are wanting to do. Because if you're even spending $1K-2K on this, I agree it's money better spent on getting him into better financial shape. How many people are you inviting? Do you not think they consider you committed already? What are you trying to accomplish? Will you get legally married later on down the road?

@Gypsy, legit question, what is the reasoning behind having a wedding but not having a legal marriage? I myself couldn't imagine spending even the small-ish amount we did and not at least have the legal benefits afforded us by this country.

Right, I understand the ceremony will be essentially the same, but I'm curious as to why you're choosing to forgo the legalities.

@GypsyBride - I have no issue with a non legal marriage. But to spend money on a commitment ceremony, reception, party, vow renewal -- whatever you want to call it - when there already are financial issues (which is the reason in the first place a person is not doing it legally) -- I take issue with that. I have straight friends who have chosen not to get married in solidarity with their gay friends but have done something else instead. Fine, no issue. I've also have a dear friend do a very small event before her man deployed. No issue there. But spending money when you don't have any is wasteful. And finances are huge in a relationship. And when it's unbalanced (as is the case here) it takes a toll.

Okay, thank you!