Need Advice

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I hate to say this, but if he isn't willing to go to counseling, that would be a red flag surrounded by fireworks to me.

Listen. You're human. You probably do have some poor qualities. We all do.

But that last sentence is important here: we all do.

Including him.

If he "refuses to go to counseling", I'm here to tell you, there are not "many reasons" - there are two:

1. He doesn't think he has anything to work on. You are 100% responsible for the discord in your relationship, therefore he does not need to go to counseling. He is infallible, you are the bad guy.

2. He knows he has issues to work on, and he isn't ready or doesn't want to deal with them. He fears a counselor will dig until those issues are unearthed, and he will be made to be responsible for himself and how he contributes to the relationship. He would rather you "do better" (translation: figure out how to put up with his issues so he doesn't have to work on himself.)

One thing is for sure: I would not marry him until he agreed to couple's counseling with you. With a fair, unbiased mediator who will teach you both how to work together and work through your collective issues.

Relationships are a two-way street. The onus is NOT entirely on you to "do better" or fix your relationship. Remember first and foremost that you are a person deserving of love and respect, no matter what your flaws may be, and that any person who truly loves you will know that you need to work together.

Unwelcome but true: the engagement time is when you start both planning permanent, forever ot just 3-4 years at a time. And what a lot of people realize is, this is not the person, or the time, or the way I want to settle down for life, and they break yhiñgs off. Often not to repair them, but because they want someone or something different. Not you. Not plans made with you.
Better to break up now, than 5 months from now with Saves and invites out.
I am sorry for you. But better than going through with everything, then divorce. Talk things through with him.

God forgives our sins for free. Happy Easter!

View Quoted Comment This!! It really gave me pause that he said she needs to work on all these things by a certain time, or else he'll leave here. Like he's so perfect himself? I doubt it.
Moreover, taking his anger out on her and saying she has to achieve these things by a certain time...like another poster said, this isn't dog training. But he's treating her like it is.
OP, it's not your fault he's acting this way and this is not okay of him at all.

To everyone thank you for the advice and support but things just didn’t work out and we decided to call things off and break up. Wish things could have turned out differently but everything happens for a reason.

View Quoted Comment I know this is really really hard. You’re likely in a lot of pain.
There is no way to get through this than to go through it.
One day, you will be in a healthy relationship with someone who loves you as you are, who communicates with you and who appreciates you. And you will thank your lucky stars this one ended.