NEED ADVICE

I was a bridesmaid and the MOH planned a bachelorette party in NYC, said it was $200. I was like, ok, I can handle that..... Long story short, it ended up costing way more than that after tip, splitting the bride's portion, transportation, etc. it was just poor planning. Lots of girls ended up saying the price was too steep and didnt go. Kinda wish i said no, too, maybe she would have planned something else if the majority of the girls said it was too much.

@lyla i read back through all of the old messages and not ONCE did she ask us a budget. She said it would be about $100 for the hotel and the club the bride wants to go to. Then she doesn't say anything for 3 weeks and comes out with 1 week for us to pay $244 or we don't go. I think that's very unreasonable and i tried to ask her about what the bride wants this morning and she starts going all in my personal business and bringing up "how much she has paid on her own." When we had no idea about what she has chosen to pay for because she never asked for help. So using her choices against us (bridesmaids).

@VIKTORIA - still not your problem. She has no right to get pissy with you about how much money she chose to spend on anything. You can't afford it, she didn't ask you, so it's done. She's not the boss of you - she's just a maid of honor in a wedding.

Is this person your friend or someone you don't know that well? If she's a friend, I would be taking a step back and examining my relationship with that person. And if she's someone you don't know very well, then fuck it. No actual good friend would ever make someone spend money that they couldn't afford on any of this stuff. I would NEVER have wanted my friends to do that and if I would have found out that they did, I would have been mortified. I hate how "friends" suddenly become insane when it comes to a wedding.

If you are not able or do not want to spend that much, just tell her that you will not be goung. You have no obligation to attend something that is beyond what you are comfortable with. The MOH should have discussed the plans with everyone before making them.

And, what the MOH has chosen to spend up to this point is not your problem. That is a choice she made.

I agree with you all. @Nicole and @MAMW, I tried to ask for other accommodations. Below is what I said and the response.

I said:

"I just paid off the dress! woo! came out to be $103.49... and with that on top of the $244 that will be a bit much for me right now... I looked into (the burlesque club) and they are a super high price venue so i agree this is a good deal with what you found and with more time i could've prepared more since previously we said it would be around $100 which i can definitely do. However to come up with all that money in 1 week for me is too much... are there any other options we can pick with (burlesque club) or a way we can push back the date to give us more time?"

Response from the bridesmaid who helped plan this all with MOH:

"Hello fellow bridesmaids!!

I sincerely apologize for coming off so strongly in this message, but I feel like it’s time for me to set the record straight. I know that everyone is in a different financial situation (I, for example, then she explains her tough financial situation). But trying to change the plans MOH and I made with (the bride's) wishes in mind? Three weeks before the potential date that we set a while ago? Really?

This is BY FAR the most reasonably priced bachelorette party I have ever heard of. We are not going to some crazy destination, and it is ONE NIGHT, not a whole weekend. We are not flying anywhere. Don’t like the (burlesque) idea? Think it’s too prohibitively expensive even though it is the one thing (the bride) requested? Think that a pizza party in the room circa a middle school sleepover is enough to celebrate one of the most kind, loving and generous people most of us have ever met? She would go big for each and every one of you, and you all know it. So please, please stop giving me and MOH a hard time about these plans.

So again, please let us know/send MOH money by Sunday at the very latest if you are able to make it so we can plan accordingly. If you have any questions or want to talk about any of this, please bring it up with me."

So after that I told her on the message board that i cannot go but i hope they have a great time. It didn't seem like they are trying to work with us at all. So I am going to work with all the bridesmaids to see if we can plan something else like a girls night or something with everyone.

Well you did what you could do and you handled it very well.

Just read your update and holy shit are you kidding me?! They are completely out of line. You handled this perfectly. I think throwing another little get together with the bride is a great idea. I would also be completely honest with the bride if she asks you why you didn't attend the bachelorette party if she is confused why you are throwing another get together. If my friends were pulling this shit on my other bridesmaids I would have been livid.

Wow, she's a cunt. You did the right thing and nothing you said was wrong. To me anything more than $100-150 is too much for one night. But in the world of bach parties its not unheard of and on the lower end of some things ive seen, but to demand the money within a week is just ridiculous and rude.

Take the bride out on the town one night or out to a paint night or fancy dinner. These bitches be trippin.

Me? I am a documentation kind of bitch - I NEVER delete emails/texts...I would do a smaller get-together with the bride post-party and if she asks why you didn't attend, be honest. Show her the texts. That's just me and IDGAF about bachelorette parties for myself, much less someone else. Are they cool? Sure! Worth $250 of my money I work my ass off for? Hell no.

You handled this right, she's an asshole for the way she worded what she had to say in my opinion. There was no need to make you guys feel bad if you can't afford it.

Wow, she definitely sounded like a jerk. Talk about a guilt trip. Good job handling it maturely! You did what you could, and I second telling the bride if she asks at her second get together you're going to plan.

Um, that bridesmaid is a huge bitch. What a condescending load of garbage. When the bride asks you why you didn't go to the bachelorette party, I would just show her that bullshit email. I hope after this wedding that you don't have to interact with this person ever again. And as I said before, if this is a friend of yours acting this way, I would seriously reconsider that friendship.

You're also a much better person than I am. Your response was super mature and I would have probably went off on her. Ugh I'm so mad for you.

@MAMW , i know she wants to have the bride have a wonderful bachelorette party and i totally get that! the bride deserves it. it's just her unwillingness to work with those of us who had no idea of the plan until a few days ago and I'm standing with those who can't afford it too versus being guilted into something not good financial wise. I am not friends with this bridesmaid and haven't seen her since high school which was like 6 years ago. It helped a lot because my fiancé has been supportive of me through the whole thing and helped me respond calmly lol i was going to respond more emotionally. I am thankful for my fiancé Also the bride would be PISSED if she saw this. I don't want to add that stress before the party or wedding. Maybe after though if it gets brought up.

Thats not right are yall going on a cruise or something lol thats only about 4 days tou have to pay that. What does the bride think about that?

Unreasonable. Tell the MOH to have fun and enjoy her party.

@Cameron this includes hotel and 2 hours at a burlesque club. I think it's a great cost and worth it if we had more than a weeks notice. Especially since the last discussion they said it would be $100 not $244. It was last minute planning and its unfair to put it on us if we can't make it. The others who can't come have been saving but no budget was given so we didn't know what to expect.

They are both so out of line. You shouldn't be required to do that and when you try to work something out they should listen and work with you. My MOH is planning something, not sure what, but I've told her not to feel any pressure to put in money she or the other two BMs can't afford. If the bride is as great as the other BM is saying (and without any info to the contrary I'll assume she is), then she will understand that you can't afford that. If she doesn't, she's not a very good friend and not worth all that.

Well I think you should have had notice.. weird she didn't mention it sooner. But $250 is nothing for a bachelorette party!! It kind of is what you sign up for being a bridesmaid. And the dress is only $100?! Consider yourself lucky there too. I've spent thousands and thousands on Bridal showers, engagement parties, bachelorette weekends, dresses, shoes, makeup and hair. Not to mention wedding gifts. But you have every right to skip it if you can't afford it. Spend some time w the bride on your own.

I would legitimately be both surprised and seriously upset if I were the bride in question. I don't have friends that could blow $250 on one night with a moment's notice, and I wouldn't want them to.

OP, I think you did the best you possibly could have, given the circumstances. Perhaps the remaining bridesmaids can plan a nice dinner or spa day that's a little more reasonable.

You said that's only the hotel and the burlesque show?? So at least $100 on top of that with food for 2 days (breakfast and dinner at least) and drinks. Not to mention paying for the bride. That would be a hard no from me.