NEED ADVICE

She told you that you won't be included in the event if you don't pay up? Then turn to her and say, "well have a wonderful time then." She's being unreasonable. She should have discussed cost with each of you BEFORE, and not two days before. Ridiculous.

Either the MOH needs to figure out something that's within reason for you guys or she can be the one to explain to the bride why you couldn't participate. Whatever you do, don't go to the bride about it.

I would say "ok, I won't be able to attend". She gave you the option to say no so if it's out of your budget, then she needs to understand. Perhaps if others say no, she may change her tune but if you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. Don't feel bad for saying no. It's on the moh for not working around everyone's budget and I would just plan my own night out with the bride as an alternative for just you and her

When is the BP? That's outrageous to expect payment in just a few days.

What is she asking you to pay $250 for exactly? Need to know to better determine how you may want to respond.

Honestly if this were me and my MOH was telling my other bridesmaids they couldn't attend because of a budget she set I would be pissed! I made it perfectly clear to my MOH when she started planning my bachelorette party that she had to work with the lowest budget offered.

No, you are not unreasonable. As a bridesmaid, your only job is to buy the dress the bride asks, show up on time and sober. The MOH has bought into the Wedding Industrial Complex and what TV says a bridesmaids' job is. You don't have to pay for showers or bachelorette parties if you can't afford it. Those things are not required for getting married. They are a bonus if someone plans them for the bride. A bride is not entitled to them.

You should be upfront with the other people planning and with the bride. You should say: I can only afford X. I appreciate you respecting my budget and selecting a dress that falls within that budget. If your plans include things that cost more, I sadly can't participate in those activities. If you adjust the scope of the bachelorette party then I can contribute Y, but under the current plan, I can't help out with that. If you want to proceed under the current plan, I will be sad to miss out, but I hope you and the other girls have fun.

Let them have a blast. If it were me, I would then take the bride out on a night I could afford. My best friend would know and understand that I would not be able to spend that kind of money with only a couple of days notice.

"Sorry, I won't be able to attend. I hope you have a great time!" If all the other bridesmaids can't afford to go and turn it down, she'll have to re-evaluate. Otherwise, just be comfortable and happy in your choice not to spend money you don't have.

From the sounds of it, I don't know if I'd want the MOH to be the one to explain why no one comes to the bride... She's not coming off as the most reasonable person...

Everyone has different budgets, and for something like this, budget should have been discussed far in advance. It sounds like there may need to be a discussion between all of the bridesmaids. I was invited to a bachelorette party once, and the price was exorbitant . Once they saw how many people RSVP'd no, they went back to the drawing board and came up with something more reasonable.

This sounds like a hot mess, but don't go to the bride over it. One of my BMs keeps coming to me and complaining about MOH, telling me the costs of everything, etc. It's been super shitty for me. This honestly sounds exactly like what's going on with all of them.

I feel like you should just not go to the BP. You could argue with the MOH over this more but if she won't budge and doesn't understand the importance of you all being there, there's nothing else you can really do. I'd just say, "I honestly just can't afford it. I wish I could be there but I'll have to miss out on this one. I'm sure it'll be a great time. I don't think bride would want me to go into debt over this."

When is the BP? Your wedding isn't until April of 2018!

@Jacks, she's talking about someone else's wedding....

@OP, I'd take a hard pass. "I can't pay that much right now, but you guys have fun and I'll look forward to seeing photos!". That MOH is totally out of line.

Sorry everyone, I'm dumb today.

OP, yep I'd be like, "sorry can't make that financial expense right now..cheers!"

If you can't afford it then you can't afford it, she shouldn't have put you guys in that situation with only a few days to come up with the money. She sounds pretty unreasonable to me and I have no filter and probably would have told her she was fucking ridiculous. She should realize the bride would want something that you are all able to do together, instead of being a jerk. I agree with everyone else don't go to the bride whatever you do and just be honest and say sorry I can't attend because it's not in my budget. Maybe once she realizes she will have to come up with all this extra money since not everyone can afford that much right away she will reevaluate her plans.

Yikes. I was in a situation like that with the last wedding I was a BM for - the bride was super chill and easy to work with, but her MOH was a terror. She planned all kinds of expensive shit without consulting anyone else and then when I told her I would be out of town on the day she planned she flipped out at me and said if I wasn't there I was a terrible friend to the bride...

Suffice it to say, she's totally unreasonable. I would tell her that you just flat out don't have the kind of money and you would have appreciated being consulting before being asked to commit that kind of dough.

It looks like MOH has good intentions; she wants to make the bride happy. MOH is kind of in a no-win situation. She would be a shitty MOH if she planned a BP where you all went to Islands and bowling even though the bride really wants something Vegas-y. Heck, she already made it a one night thing locally instead of going to Vegas like the guys will. It just doesn't seem like she's that controlling or mean to me, just that she wants to show the bride a good time and she's between a rock and a hard place with the bride's wishes and your budgets.

BUT if the $250 isn't in your budget, you shouldn't feel that you have to go. No one should go into debt or struggle because of a BP. I would 100% understand if a BM couldn't go to the BP, and I bet your friend will understand that you can't go too. Just politely decline with a "Aw bummer this isn't in my budget, but it sounds like great fun and can't wait to hear about." No need to cause drama or ask them to change the BP.

ETA: You say that you didn't give a budget but MOH knows you can't spend a lot. How would she know this? If someone said to me they couldn't spend "a lot" on a BP, I'd think $250 was fair game. Perhaps MOH doesn't know as much about your finances as you think she does?

Don't feel pressured to do something you can't afford. $250 is a lot especially on short notice. I'd let her know it's out of your price range. Also, if only half the girls can go I take it that it's also out of others price range. MOH should take that into consideration.

I would tell the MoH I will not be making it. Something like this should have been discussed amongst bridal party so it outs be within everyone budget.

The whole bachelorette party thing is out of control. Go out to dinner or a bar or a paint party and call it quits. This wasn't even a thing 10 years ago. And it shouldn't be a thing now.

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. And you tell her that.

Then call her bluff and don't go. Then she'll have to pay the extra money that you aren't contributing and she can deal with it, because you won't be giving her a dime. And then when your friend (the bride) asks why you weren't there, tell her the MOH did not consult you in anything related to the budget of the bachelorette party and you couldn't afford it and the MOH wouldn't let you go.