My soon to be husband is now a groomsman

He can still be a groomsmen without participating in the extra stuff. His friend should understand why.

The standard I'm aware of for Bachelorette parties is that everyone shares the costs, but the bride doesn't pay. I just assumed it was the same for men?

He can just tell the guy that this is a trip he can't attend. Bachelor parties are not mandatory. Especially over the top ones.

He can be a groomsmen without going to the Bachelor party.

The groom should not be planning his own party.

If your FH can't afford it, just have him tell his friend so.

Destination bachelor and bachelorette parties are becoming popular. But they aren't necessary and most aren't these big elaborate things.

Although, mine will be destination.

Usually the groomsmen split the cost of the bachelor party (so pay for themselves and the groom) and if they can't afford it, they simply don't attend. I've never, ever heard of one person (best man) paying for the entire thing. How is that fair? I also am not a fan of people asking people to change plans because of 1 person so if your FH can't afford the new cost, tell him to sit this out.

Who pays is usually discussed with whoever goes, as long as the groom doesnt pay.

If he can't afford it, he can't afford it. It should have been discussed ahead of time. He isnt required to go

There's no standard amount of money spent for Bachelor/Bachelorette parties. As with weddings in general, budgets vary. Some people go on international trips that are way over $500. The cost is split between everyone attending, including those who are not even part of the BP. If your FH doesn't have the money to participate, he should let the groom know that he won't be able to make it. The groom should understand.

All I've heard of is that the groomsmen split the cost of the bachelor party. Having only the BM pay for the whole thing sounds ridiculous. IMO, the BM should have asked all of the groomsmen what their budget was so they could work it out together, but what's done is done.

He doesn't have to attend the bachelor party, so instead of making them change plans he could just politely tell them that he cannot afford it and will not be able to attend.

Since his friend is planning a wedding himself, I'm sure he'll understand if your FH can't swing the trip. Maybe FH can plan a guys night with him another time so they can still hang out and have fun, even if it's not at the bachelor party.

It's similar to a bachelorette party where all the guys attending split the cost (minus the groom), it is definitely not a free night out on the best man.

If it's not in the budget, your hubby just needs to say so. BM should have definitely asked budgets before he planned anything.

If you cannot afford for FH to go to the Bachelor party, he should tell the BM that he is unable to attend. This is not a required event and the costs should have been discussed prior and agreed upon by anyone wishing to attend.

Thank you all for your input, it is the best man that is doing the planning not the actual groom but he does know about it.

Everyone splits the cost of the bachelor party, you cant expect one person to cover all expenses. At the same time he does not have to attend though. My FH was a groomsman last year and the grooms also had a bachelor party in Nashville. He did not attend. Personally I think its shitty to do destination bachelor/ bachelorette parties. People already spend enough to be in a wedding.

He can still be a groomsman and not attend the bachelor party. I'm a bridesmaid in 2 weeks who did not attend the bachelorette party due to this exact reason. The party was actually a weekend trip that I simply could not afford. Have your FH tell the groom he can't afford to go and I'm sure he will understand.

If it's not in the budget them he just shouldn't go. Everyone splits cost, although that seems high. We did a bachelorette in Nashville and we split the hotel then everyone bought their own drinks.

I really thought this was going to be the bride who is sleeping with her fiance's best friend again. I thought she was going to tell us that they'd switched roles.

The BM should have asked before planning (but they often don't). However the BM would never pay for the whole thing. Your FH can just say he can't afford a big trip like that, but he'll be at the wedding

My FH is having an over the top 5 day golf trip that is about $3200 per person. He has 7 guys going with him. Only 2 of his 5 groomsmen are going.

I agree that FH should just sit this one out. It's perfectly understandable. FH and I have both turned down weekend bachelor/bachelorette trips for this very reason.

With our group of friends, we typically plan a weekend bachelorette thing and an in town one. This way anyone who can't make it for the weekend away due to finances or childcare is able to celebrate with the bride either way. We also love our girl time, so maybe it's an excuse for more of that lol.

I don't think $500 for 3-4 days is that much ... at least not compared to my FH's future international bachelor party for a week (cringe! I don't know why that's necessary lol). But either way, your FH should NOT feel obligated to go and if they are his true friends, they'll be supportive of that.