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Just Said Yes July 2022

My sister says will not attend a wedding over plus one

Carlos, on April 14, 2022 at 2:51 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 25
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My fiancé and I getting married this year and we trimmed our guests from 200 to 100. We did our homework who to invite, asked advise to married couples and so on. We are strong believers and we stand firm on that. So, my 2 siblings have their significant more than years now, basically my fiancé and I have established relationships with them and they are part of our guest list.

On the other hand, my sister insisting her plus one that we don’t know and haven’t met, let alone they exclusive, just seeing/ hanging out. Not even dating dating. We told her that we won’t invite anyone we don’t know, we only consider committed relationship and the people that are also show interest in our life not just on our wedding day.
My mom is on her side, telling me I should have her +1 because it’s one time - I told them this is also a one time a lifetime decision I’m making for myself and for my fiancé- they don’t get my point. To make a decision where we both happy and supported. Fiancé and I had a fair compromise with our decisions that made us content throughout the planning.However my sister is pushing and even says will not attend our wedding because we did not give her +1. I thought that her +1 is more important than us or our decision. Only two of us fund our wedding and never ask anyone or family members to help us on our budget, and it’s like our decisions is against the world. We are expecting them to at least honor our decisions. But it seems we are the bad guysSmiley sad Please help!

25 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on April 18, 2022 at 10:46 PM
  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    Some people think all siblings should get a +1 automatically. But since this is not yet a committed relationship, I think you don't have to. It's not as if she won't know anyone at the wedding. My fiancé has two sisters. One of them has been dating a guy exclusively for several months, so he's invited; the other is totally single so we don't see a reason to give her a +1.


    A few other things to consider:- How old is your sister? I personally would not let people under 21 bring a date.- Is she a bridesmaid? A lot of etiquette saya the wedding party should get an automatic +1.- Who is paying for the wedding? It sounds like you are, in which case your mom's opinion doesn't matter much.- Has your sister talked this over with the guy? He may not be comfortable attending anyway if they're not really that serious. Attending a wedding together can be a big step for a couple.
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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
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    Plus ones seem to be a very touchy subject I’m finding out. I personally wouldn’t feel right letting my other siblings have their partners but not letting my sister bring someone to spend time with. It’s not like it’s a one hour event. It’s several hours. Your parents will be busy with you, your other siblings have their partners they will socialize with and you’ll be trying to spend time with almost another like 90 people. I think it would be right to let her have someone to keep her company. That’s just me however. My fiancé and I are very accommodating to plus ones I’ve learned on here. And I might give my sister a hard time if she did the same as you
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  • C
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Carlos ·
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    She’s 36 and a bridesmaid. We have our breakfast as family recently and we went together 3-4 times the past 2 months, I thought she intended it so that we can meet the guy but no, so I don’t even think the guy making an effort to do so. She said “he’s so busy” well, I believe that nobody is too busy for somebody.


    My mom said she’s upset because we are not allowing her +1 and says wont attend our wedding and will rather work instead because of that…
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  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    Maybe let her invite him, then he'll probably be too busy to come? I agree your sister is being petty about this but it's probably not the hill to die on. If he's not making an effort any other time, he probably won't make an effort to show up at the wedding and your head count won't be affected. 🤷🏼‍♀️
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  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    If she's a bridesmaid, I would just let her bring him. She's considered an honored guest and usually spends more time an money on your wedding than regular guests. So I would jjust let her bring the guy so she can have fun and dance with him. He may or may not even show up, he doesn't have to be in any family pictures.

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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    Generally siblings and the bridal party get +1s, and if it's causing this much of an issue it may be easier to just let her bring him so they drop it and move on. You could ask that your sister bring him around for a dinner or something so you could meet him first if that would make you feel better about adding him to the guest list.

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  • C
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Carlos ·
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    Should I remove her as bridesmaid as a replacement for her +1 we don’t know and never met all? Thinking to compromise some of the decisions that at least my fiancé and I okay with it and happy with the choices we make. Hmmmmm…
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    If they're just hooking up, this guy is not going to show up to a wedding as her date. Not to stereotype, but men...


    Your sister is being very petty, but I'd rather have my sister there with a rando than not at all
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  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    I promise you that will cause more drama than just not inviting him and her not showing up. It's one thing to take yourself out of the role, it's another entirely to have your own sister "demote" you.

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  • C
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Carlos ·
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    One thing that also hurting me is that she is willing to give up not to attend over her +1 we never meet. And a person she’s just casually talking with.
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  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Agree 100%
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  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    It sounds like you have two options.

    1. Call her "bluff" and proceed without her. She clearly views him important enough to hold her ground. Or she will be one of the only guests without a date and doesn't think it fair.

    2. Invite him as her date.

    What you can also do is ask to meet him on video chat if that's your requirement.

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  • Ashlee
    Super September 2022
    Ashlee ·
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    Here's the compromise I would make, I would say you will allow him as her plus 1 but only if you're able to go to dinner or breakfast or something and have a chance to meet him first. Ultimately though, you have to ask what's more important to you, having your sister there even if it's with a random person you don't know or not having your sister there and knowing all of your guests.

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  • PermaGrin
    Devoted June 2022
    PermaGrin ·
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    I think bridal party should get a plus one - they are VIPs

    The other side of this is - you will have so many people there to socialize with - will having this one person you don't know have that big of an effect?

    I

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  • C
    Devoted September 2022
    Carissa ·
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    Bridal party should always get plus ones.


    Does this really, in the grand scheme of life, seem like the hill to die on? 10 years down the line, if your sister didn't come to the wedding because of one person, how do you think you'll feel about that? Not every battle is worth fighting, I say just let her bring him.
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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I was coming to post the same thing…

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  • Sloane
    Super May 2022
    Sloane ·
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    I certainly see your dilemma , but Idk maybe I’m old but I didn’t know that this was a thing. I’ve been pretty liberal with plus ones. I trust the judgement of my guest and know they wouldn’t invite anyone that would be considered inappropriate. Plus I have too much going rather, trying to control who brings who is not in my agenda Idk I would allow her a plus one. You are hurt that she’s being so insistent on this. But perhaps she is hurt because you are being equally insistent?
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  • C
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Carlos ·
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    Thanks all for all the opinions, it really helps to narrow down our decisions and to make compromise. She can have her +1 but we won’t take wedding photos with her guest. Since she said it herself they don’t want commitment or title - I rather not see someone in our wedding album we don’t know. Pictures are permanent. Might be sound too controlling but hekk it’s just the both of us fund the wedding over 100 guests in California and I think it’s a good compromise



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  • C
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Carlos ·
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    The guy never show up 3-4 times - excuses. “He’s so busy “
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  • Sloane
    Super May 2022
    Sloane ·
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    That’s a good strategy. Where are you getting married.
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