My mother wants me to change my date

Would you be able to help your mom pay for the wedding? Have you alraedy had your invites done and all that where if you were to cancel you would lose money? Normally I would say don't change it but since your mom's paying for it you'll either have to help her out, fix the guest list, or if worse comes to worse, change the date. Good luck!

Well, if your mother is paying for it, she does have some say in the guest list. If she cant afford everyone invited, then she can't afford it. The money just isnt there.

Pushing the date could be an option, but with your wedding in four months, I'm guessing you have paid for other vendors already, (or at least put down a deposit). When she offered to pay, did you ask your mother what she would be comfortable paying for? Would trimming the guest list be an option? Or are you and your fh able to come up with the difference?

Make sure the people that are important to you and you FH are present for your wedding. If the ex-coworker that the FMIL invited is the real problem for your mother let her know that due to family issues she cannot attend. Choose your battles wisely cut the guest list and marry your FH, co-workers come and go and in this case she is already gone.

Can you talk to your FMIL about adding extra guests? If she's not paying for it, then why is she just randomly adding people? It's your wedding, don't you want to know all of your guests attending? I wouldn't be ok with people randomly attending my wedding. I would talk to her about it, or have your FH talk to her about it, but I wouldn't push back the date.

Putting it off by a couple months is one thing, but putting it off a whole year tells me that she has some major concerns about your marriage. I think it's more than just a money thing.

Your FH, not you and not your parents, needs to stop his mom from doing this.

it's no reason to push your date back, but it's unacceptable for your FMIL to invite people without consulting the hosts of the party. pushing it back by a year seems a bit dramatic to me

Don't change your date. Tell fmil that none of her coworkers can come. These people have nothing to do with you and FH. I never understood this. Parents can be proud, but just send their friends an announcement. The guest list should only include people who matter to you and FH

FMIL and FFIL have offered to pay the difference from the set guest list to the list they want add. Also, my mom and step-dad paid for the hall, my dress and accessories, and the food. We are paying for everything else with the exception of ceremony music (my aunt is giving us this as a gift) and FH Dad and Stepmom are paying for the rehearsal dinner and a partial open bar. It's not like we are contributing to our wedding. My mom has a set amount she can spend on reception food. She says by putting it off a year will allow her and us to save more money. My Dad has also not offered any money and she is hoping with more time he will. For me, I am ready to be married!

In that case, dince FIL's are paying for the difference and your mom and step dad are paying for their set guest list, could you try to help with the food as well to help ease her stress of getting the money together?

So if your FMIL is going to pay the difference for the food, is she going to pay the difference for the extra tables, centerpieces, and drinks for her guests? Make sure she does, because my FMIL did this too and I calculated how much it was to add more tables, centerpieces, food & drinks for her extra guests. I actually made her give the money to me upfront before I sent those guests the invitations because FH & I did not know the people she was inviting. This insures that they will pay and might give your mom some ease.

FMIL paying the difference is kind of a slap in the face-- she can help with *HER* guests, but she can't help with the entire wedding?!!?

Any maybe your mom doesn't get along with those coworkers. I agree with Shannon-- I never understood why parents feel its necessary to invite their friends to their kids' wedding. Maybe if you stand up to your FMIL in this regard, your mom will magically be more able to afford the wedding now.

There are PLENTY of reasons to limit the guest list besides the cost. if you don't want more than X number of guests, if it would make the venue crowded, etc. and i totally agree with @Barbara that it's probably a slap in the face to your parents who are graciously offering to host. especially if they were gracious enough to set aside a certain number of guests for his family/side. whatever the reasons, your FH needs to put his down about the guest list. it's disrespectful for them to just disregard the guest list.

however, as @Erin said above, if your parents simply can't afford a wedding right now, that's a different issue entirely and you can either pay for it yourselves or push it back.

I agree with what's been stated above:

if the guests haven't received invites from you then they aren't invited yet. you don't NEED to invite them. FMIL will have to explain herself to them. FH needs to tell her this.

(although my father did kind of invite a friend of his without my permission and we don't have space...i'm not sure what i'm going to do, but it's only 2 guests, FH and i stayed with them when we were in their town, and i'm inviting some of my mom's friends so i will probably send the invite.)

if your mom can't afford what she has already committed to pay (the rest of the guests) then that's annoying but a practical problem. someone needs to pay, so either you need to cover it somehow or push back the date.

if the issue is really FH's maturity and not the money...talk it through with your mom. maybe she just has cold feet on your behalf?

Future MrsG and GER make some really good points! Especially the extra guests aren't just extra food. There are a lot of costs associated with each individual person and I would make sure that you got the money upfront and that the check clears. Don't count your money before you have it!

If your mom can't afford it, she can't afford it. If you still want the wedding, you and FH will have to pay what your parent's can't afford.

So I called my mom around lunch time. She is concerned about money in general. With us getting married now, we do not have any wiggle room. She expressed more time would give her more time to save. Also, she is concerned about mine and FH's finances because he is in school and we live basically paycheck to paycheck. I also asked her if there was something else, and she said she is concerned about the way FH and I communicate and feel like we need time to grow. She said she loves us both, and knows how much we love each other, but that we need time to grow as a couple before we get married. She thinks a year would also help us get our feet under us financially. Which I agree with, but I am not sure if FH would go for that. I feel sad and confused right now.

It sounds like your mom has a number of legitimate concerns and that it would be a good idea to listen to her and push the wedding back.

It's nice that your FH WANTS to get married now but he doesn't seem to be able to afford a wedding since you're relying so much on your mother and in-laws. It doesn't appear that you and FH are paying for very much at all. Your mother has the right to pull her money if she feels things are getting out of control or if she doesn't feel like the marriage is right.

Your FH can deal with that or pay for his own wedding if he wants to get married now.

Agree with Emily. you may not like what your mom said, but your choices are:

-find a mutually agreed upon time frame for a wedding with your parents and accept their financial assistance

-pay for the wedding that you and your FH can afford and have it this summer

Now that you mom has clarified her reasons for wanting you to push the wedding back, I completely understand. It sounds like she has some real legitimate concerns for you and your future that you should seriously take into consideration as you decide whether or not you want to move the date. Financial security and independence are important in a marriage. Money concerns can lead to stress, that ultimately leads to sooo many other things.

Your FH might be upset about moving the date but I'm sure that his love for you is stronger than that and he will find a way to deal. It's not like your breaking up or anything (just postponing). I wish you the best as you make your decision.

Getting married and having a wedding are two different things. If your mom can't afford to help pay for a wedding this year, and you guys can't pay for it on your own, you can always go to Town Hall/City Hall and get married on your own or with a couple of people.

I'm not saying your mom's concerns aren't legitimate or shouldn't be taken seriously, but I don't know you or your FH, and I don't know the dynamics of your relationship with your mom, so I'm just pointing out that if you know you want to get married to your FH, and you don't want to wait, you don't have to.

Ack, that's a really hard situation. Can you just scale back on dinner and do a champagne/cake reception instead? Then you save money and don't have to uninvite people or change the date.