Fast forward a few months and her behavior went from being sort of interested to straight-up uninterested. She changes the subject every time wedding planning comes up, she hasn't offered to help with anything, and when we do give her something to help with, she conveniently 'forgets' so we end up having to do it anyway, which has put us behind schedule on a few of our To-Do items. Now we don't even bother asking.
My FMIL has been over-the-top helpful. She's been helping with so many things that I almost feel bad she's taken on so much extra. She's really taught me a lot about how different my mom is from other moms. It's a big wake-up call and it makes me long for that sort of connection with my mom.
My father passed away when I was 14 and we were very close. Since then, I always pictured that when I got engaged some day, my mom would be first in line to offer to help. She'd be there with me shopping for jewelry and veils. She'd take on a lot of organizing and we'd have this fun, cool new event to put into our repertoire. We'd look back at this time and just laugh about how stressed we were.
Instead, I've done a lot of this alone, and while my FMIL has been super helpful, it's just a little different, as we're not very close yet. My mom isn't helping financially, but I wasn't expecting her to. I had hoped she'd want to help in other ways though, and now I'm so disappointed and hurt. FH and I believe she may be a narcissist. Some telling clues have been presenting themselves over the past year. So she may not even realize how hurtful she's being, or she may not care.
So I have two questions:
1. Any other brides or grooms out there feeling let down by their mothers? If so, how are you dealing with it? I'm trying not to be petty or enraged, and am especially trying not to spill many tears over this. We're about 3 months out and I don't think it's going to get any better with her. At this point, we're just considering her to be a guest like anyone else. But I'm open to ideas on how else to deal with this sadness.
2. I'm SUPER grateful for my FMIL's help and do feel blessed to have her. We're planning on giving her a wonderful gift during the rehearsal to thank her. Not sure if we're supposed to give my mother anything. We were under the impression that gifts were for those who help out at the wedding. What do you give to the person who hasn't been there for you and who has made your wedding planning harder instead of easier? (And you can't say 'the middle finger' because FH tried that already and even though it made me laugh, I'm not having it. She's still my mother, after all.)
Advice is greatly appreciated.
