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Just Said Yes July 2018

My maid of honor decided to have her wedding the week after mine...

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Elizabeth, on February 19, 2018 at 4:56 PM

Help! I feel like a selfish friend, but this is really bothering me. I have been engaged for over a year and planning my wedding for 8 months now. I asked my best friend to be my maid of honor 8 months ago when I started planning. She very excitedly accepted and has been super helpful and involved. However, last week she got engaged, and decided to get married exactly one week after me. I am worried she will be too distracted by her own wedding to be fully present in mine, especially as it gets closer. I’m worried after the expenses of our own wedding, I won’t be able to be at hers, or that we will be on our honeymoon when she gets married. She has always been a great friend and been there for me whenever I needed, and I want to return the favor of course, but it’s a bit inconvenient. I’m also worried that because we have the same group of friends some of them may have to choose which wedding to attend, especially the ones who may be coming from out of the area. I want to be excited for her and involved in her wedding, as she is in mine, but I am just irritated! Help!

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28 Comments

VIP August 2018
Alforev · on February 20, 2018 at 6:47 AM
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Be upfront and clear with her. Be understanding of the fact that she gets one day, but make sure she knows your concerns. Timing wise it’s super inconvenient for you, especially considering the money aspect. She does get her day but should know you may be unable to commit as much to hers. It sounds like she’s been involved with yours so I wouldn’t be concerned about that. She may realize as she starts planning hers and sees the money disappearing that she made a somewhat poor choice but all you can do is be supportive and honest.
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Dedicated April 2019
Brittany · on February 20, 2018 at 7:40 AM
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I'm not gonna lie but I would be pissed! I don't agree with all this one day for each of you stuff either. As we all know the wedding ceremony takes one day but everything else wedding takes days, weeks, months!
Honestly I would talk to her about changing her date (assuming she hasn't put down any money yet). I don't think just voicing your concerns is enough. Cause say you guys have it all worked out on paper now, you can't guarantee that that same plan will be realistic then. Plus even for her, that week is gonna be busy and hectic and then having to attend a wedding as a MOH while you're trying to finalize everything with your own wedding Is going to be exhausting! But yeah talk to her cause that's not cool at all.
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Expert March 2018
PrettyinPink · on February 20, 2018 at 10:45 AM
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Ok, so I will be the person to say that I'd be upset too. Yes, they are on separate days...but it does seem odd. Obviously, you cannot do anything, but I still see your frustration. I could see myself being upset because it might feel like she is going to take away from your big day having it right after yours...or, that people (especially friends) might not be able to attend both. But, just relax at this point and realize it will still be your special day.
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Beginner April 2018
Galine · on February 20, 2018 at 11:06 AM
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So, your MOH has been nothing but supportive, and is willing to help you and be there for you, even as she plans her own wedding. But you are irritated that her wedding will be an inconvenience to YOU. Really? Where is your support for your friend? I know things can get very emotional and stressful during wedding planning, but I suggest you take a breather, and consider your behavior so you do not hurt your friend's feelings with your attitude.
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Devoted December 2018
FutureMrs.A · on February 20, 2018 at 10:02 PM
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This makes me laugh because my sister’s unofficial MOH (I was too young to sign the witness form legally) did the exact same thing and picked almost the same colors. Fast forward 10 years, and that friendship failed long ago due to that girl’s insecurities. I hope there’s a real reason why she did it because otherwise that’s really tough financially on both of you. Definitely sucks.
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Just Said Yes October 2019
stephanie dawn · on December 1, 2020 at 1:13 PM
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Lol 😆 Not only not helpful but lacking in empathy. Ever been in that situation? On either side? I have. My friend’s shower was the day I left for my honeymoon. Her rehearsal was the day I came back. I never said a word because I love her; but It was exhausting and broke the bank. We have been friends for 20 years. If she had only asked
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Savvy May 2021
Victoria · on December 8, 2020 at 3:03 PM
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I have four friends getting married within 2 months of me. We will all be going to each other’s bridal showers/bachelorettes. We coordinated dates so that we can make it to each other’s special events.

If you are concerned ask her if she is still willing or if she will need more help from others in the wedding party talk with her about it I think her having her wedding a week after your is NOT a big deal. There are only so many weekends especially in a season.
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